The Aftermath of London
by Boots1980
Summary: Buffalo Pictures owns Doc Martin; I own nothing. ME and LG argue in London and ME leaves. LG has a panic attack and another surgeon drives her to Port Wenn. Over 3 years, the story of LG, ME, their baby and the surgeon unfolds until a wedding in Port Wenn
1. Chapter 1

**A Sorry Turn**

**Martin looks stunned and stares at Louisa for a minute before slowly walking from the lounge. Louisa remains in the chair, gazing out the window. A short time later the guard enters the room: "Miss, Dr. Ellingham has left your luggage at my desk and has asked me to organize a taxi for you to Paddington Station. Is that right?"**

**Louisa turns to the guard, nods, and whispers "Yes, I'll be there." But she cannot stand. Her legs are leaden, her arms unresponsive, she is not even certain if she is still living. The world seems to have slipped away from her, there are no bearings, she cannot think where she is, how to stand, how to walk from this room. Her chest is aching, perhaps something heavy has dropped on it and that is why she can't move. She looks down but sees nothing on her chest. But then why is her head pounding, blood rushing in her ears, and pins attacking her eyes? What has happened to her? **

**Then she begins to cough – a dry, harsh cough that leaves her breathless and thirsty. She reaches for the coffee, now cold, and sips it while gasping and trying to calm the cough. Her hand shakes and coffee spills from the cup to the chair, her trousers and coat. She wills herself to return the cup to the table. More coffee splashes on the table and she stares at the puddle not sure what to do.**

**The door opens but her eyes remain on the garden now in shadow as the afternoon ends. Water is being run nearby, noise is being made. It seems someone is calling to her but from a great distance. She hears it again but cannot respond. Then a man is standing in front of her saying, "Hullo, hullo there, Miss Glass is it? Hullo, hullo." Soon the man lifts her arm, and places fingers on her wrist for a bit, then he stoops in front of her, raises her head and asks: "Are you feeling faint, your pulse is a bit weak, do you feel ill?" Louisa tries to understand what he is saying and wants to nod her head, but she cannot do it. **

"**Where's Ellingham?" asks the man. She only looks at him and he says, "Do you think you can walk with me, just a short distance. I think you need to be seen in A&E. Here, let me help you, see if you can stand. We can have a chair brought here if need be." The man places his hands under her elbows and expertly lifts her to a standing position. Then he slips one arm around her back to brace her, takes her hand and guides her to the door. In the lobby, he calls: "Guard, could you please take the lady's bag and follow me to the A&E."**

**The second man soon joins them and places his arm on the other side of Louisa to steady her as they make their way down a long corridor to a set of double doors. Inside, the man asks, "Who is the consulting today? We need to have this woman seen immediately." A nurse says: "Of course, Mr. Day. Let me just put her in this room. Do you want me to take her BP and pulse?" "I've checked the pulse and it seems a little weak. Could you please check her vitals." **

**Louisa can feel her coat being removed and then someone helps her lie on the exam couch. She closes her eyes against the glaring light and feels herself twirling in ever dizzying spirals while shaking and gasping for breath. The man shouts: "Nurse, get her on oxygen now." Something cold and hard is forced over Louisa's face and she tries to push it away, but it is held in place while the man tells her to breathe normally, in and out, in and out. She can feel a tightness in her arm and the nurse says: "115 over 80, normal range." Again, he places his fingers on her wrist for what seems like a long time while continuing his instruction to breathe in and out. **

**Another man enters and asks: "Gordon, what do we have here?" **

"**Name's Glass, I think. She seems to be stabilizing. I saw her earlier upstairs with Martin Ellingham—did you know him? I stopped in the lounge for tea and to read some documents and found her slumped forward in a chair. Had a weak pulse and may have hyperventilated. Her face was quite flushed. I had the nurse give her oxygen as she became breathless when we got her on the exam couch. Her BP and pulse are stable now, but she was in distress earlier. Have a look at her Robbie." **

"**Let's get the oxygen off and see how she does. Miss, miss, what is your name?" Louisa opens her eyes and then shuts them quickly. "Good she seems alert. The light bothered her. Can you tell me your name?"**

**Louisa tries to tell him her name. Of course, she can give him her name. But she can't. **

"**Miss, I'm going to check some things. Please tell me if anything causes pain." Then the other man does various things to her, none of which cause her pain and none of which she seems to feel at all. Only her head hurts and her eyes a bit and she is so thirsty. She tries to ask for water but she can't say the words. She tries to point to her mouth, but her arm won't move. **

"**Gordon, there's no sign she's in any medical distress. BP, pulse and vitals are normal. Let's get her back on the oxygen and give her some fluids to see if that brings her around. No indication of dehydration but that's always possible with females. Let me get the nurse in here to start a drip, and I'll check back on her. Nurse didn't find any meds in her bag, no medical alert tags, and she doesn't seem to be a diabetic. We need to get her registered, so I'll send in the triage clerk. She'll be okay with us if you want to go on."**

"**Let me stay here a bit. I can't think why Ellingham would have left her here. Maybe he is off to something and was planning on coming back here. Let me go down to the lounge and see if he's returned." **

**As Gordon approaches the lounge, the guard asks: "How is she?" **

"**Look's like she'll be okay. May be a bit dehydrated, but they're giving her fluids. Has the man she was with earlier returned?"**

"**No, I don't think that's likely. He rushed out of her, brought back two cases, gave me 100 pounds and asked me to organize a taxi for her to Paddington Station. I asked him if I should do it right off, and he said to ask the lady when she wanted to leave. Then he went off in his car. He seemed upset, so I didn't question him. They looked a little put off when he asked me to open the lounge for them. Seems like an argument or such like." **

"**When did they come in?"**

"**I logged them at 2:15 and Mr. Coombs had left passes for them. He told me on Friday that Dr. Ellingham had been a surgeon here until a few years ago and was in London for a conference. Asked me to extend every courtesy."**

"**Was there a telephone number for Ellingham?" **

"**No. Mr. Coombs wasn't even certain they would come, but said he still wanted the passes to be ready. I have Mr. Coombs' mobile on my roster, but you have to authorize me to release it."**

"**Yes, I'll sign for it." Day punches in the number and leaves a message: "Harvey. This is Gordon Day. Martin Ellingham was in here earlier today with a pass you left. A woman who was with him is in the A&E with signs of dehydration. Do you have a contact for him?"**

**The guard goes on: "That's a sorry turn I'd say. Just walked off and left her here. She was very nice to me. Smiled and all."**

**Then Day's mobile rings: "Oh, Harvey, thanks for getting back quickly. Nothing serious but Ellingham seems to have left her here with some luggage and directions to get her to the train station. Just thought he might want to know she's not feeling well. Any chance you have a mobile number for him? Yes, I see. Thanks much."**

"**Bad luck that. He only saw Ellingham at a conference and has no way to reach him. Well, let me look in on her and see how she's getting on."**

**In the A&E room, the nurse has elevated the back of the exam couch and placed a pillow behind Louisa's back. She is holding a cup of water in one hand and trying to sip it slowly as the nurse instructed. But she is so thirsty. Then the man returns.**

"**Oh, good, you seem better. The drip is helping. It might have been dehydration."**

**Louisa nods her head but stares blankly at him. The man tells her his name is Gordon Day and he saw her upstairs earlier. Does she need anything? Louisa croaks "thirsty." Seeing a cup of ice, he suggests she chew bits of it as ice is more soothing to the throat. He replaces the cup of water in her hand with the ice saying: "I spoke to the security guard and your luggage is with him. Were you planning to travel tonight?"**

**She murmurs: "Yes, to Cornwall." **

**He explains that the nurse is going to check her pulse, vitals and BP again to see if the fluids have helped her. Standard questions follow about allergies, medicines she may be taking, family history of diseases, any recent illnesses or injuries.**

**Again, she whispers softly: "Anaemia."**

"**I see. You were treated with iron?" Another nod. "Do you still feel faint, any discomfort?" She points slowly to her head and her eyes. "Can you take paracetamol? I can have the nurse bring some to you." **

"**Yes, thank you. My head hurts."**

**Relieved that she seems to have come around, Gordon walks to the nurse's station and asks for paracetamol. The nurse replies that he will have to get approval from an A&E doctor. Gordon nods and realizes he doesn't have the same power with nurses as he does on the surgical wing. More humble pie for him. Chambers is leaving a room and says: "Mr. Day you are still here." Gordon explains that Miss Glass seems much better, but does have a headache. She also said she recently had anaemia. Can Chambers authorize paracetamol for her? **

**Chambers laughs and says: "What are you doing playing A&E doctor on a Sunday evening. Don't you have a table reserved at some posh restaurant?" **

"**No time for any kind of restaurant when you have a 3 year old and a 5 year old. And your bloody nurse is treating me like a first year med student. I've had my share of A&E rotas. I know the drill. It seems this woman was to catch a train to Cornwall tonight, and Ellingham asked the guard to bring in a taxi for her. I'm not certain Ellingham realized she was ill and no one seems to know how to contact him. You know anyone who is still close to him?"**

"**One of the muckety mucks probably knows how to reach him. Who do you want to bother on Sunday night?"**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Medical Incident**

"**Right you are, Robbie. Who wants to be bothered on a Sunday night? But do you think she can travel tonight?"**

"**If she responds to the fluids, we might suggest she rest here for another hour or so to see how she manages. They aren't going to let me admit her on a headache, but if we don't need the room, she can stay. Gracie, please give room 3 two APAPs and let's do a FBC test. Our new A&E doc learned she had anaemia recently. We might keep him on for the Friday night fights and Saturday night stabbings." **

**Gordon pats Chambers on the back and says: "I'll look in on her and leave you to it. Cecily is returning the girls on Tuesday from her forced parental duties, and I have to be well rested. Thanks, for putting up with me." Chambers bids him goodnight and walks into another room.**

**Back in room 3, Louisa has eaten a cup of ice and really must wee. She has been trying her legs to see if she can stand and make her way to the loo when Gordon enters to tell her good bye. As she stumbles forward he steadies her saying: "Please just lie down. The doctor thinks you need a bit more rest." **

"**Actually what I need is the loo. Let me just find it."**

"**I'll have an aide walk you there. You need help with the drip and still seem a bit shaky." Gordon finds an aide who escorts Louisa to the loo and then returns to help settle her on the exam couch. Gordon will stay with her for a few minutes until the IV is finished. He sees on her chart that the nurse has just taken her vitals. "Everything is normal. You seem to have come back from it."**

"**What happened to me? I felt good and after Martin left, I just felt horrible. It happened so quickly." **

"**Looks like you were dehydrated or maybe the anaemia had an effect. It is difficult to control iron levels when you're peri-menopausal."**

"**Do you think I'm beginning menopause?"**

"**Hmmh. How old are you?"  
><strong>

"**36"**

" **Perhaps not. It's been a time since my gynaecology classes in med school. Sorry, didn't mean to insult you. Woman and their ages, and all that."**

**Louisa nods her head and closes her eyes. He asks if she is cold, and she is a bit. Taking a blanket from a nearby supply table, he carefully spreads it over her. She soon falls asleep, and he is not sure what to do. Rest is probably best for her as she seems drained. But if he leaves now, she may be confused and not sure what to do about getting on to Cornwall. **

**Damn Ellingham. When Gordon interviewed for his old post in vascular, he did not think it extended to caring for his girlfriends. In fact, he would never think that, because as far as he knew, Ellingham never had a girlfriend. Maybe she's not a girlfriend but a colleague from Cornwall, and he was showing her about St. Thomas's. Oh, what an ass, if he's been trying to treat another doctor and even suggesting she's peri-menopausal. He should leave now, but first he'll check to see what he can learn about her. The triage clerk isn't permitted to tell him anything, but he can have a look in her bag to see if she'****s a doctor.**

**Her wallet is at the top of the bag, probably having just been examined by the clerk. He quickly opens it and sees on her driving permit that her name is actually "Glasson" and that she lives in a place called Portwenn in Cornwall. A few business cards are stuffed into the wallet and identify her as the head of the Portwenn Primary School. Not a doctor. **

**He was probably right the first time: she is Ellingham's girlfriend who came up to London with him for the weekend. Likely she does have to return tonight for school in the morning, but there must have been a big row to leave her so shaken. It's been a brutal year for Gordon, and he knows how she must feel. **

**Now that Cecily has decided to leave him with Evelyn and Charlotte, he wants to cut back on his schedule so he can be with them in the evenings and weekends. Soon he will only do surgeries on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and then work with juniors, registrars and the occasional new consultant as well as teach. Cecily was quite rightly appalled when he decided to forego the post in vascular and reduce his responsibilities. Her career is much too important as she has amply shown.**

**When Cecily finally left, there were three nannies on rotation and the poor children barely recognized either of their parents. He can't keep his old schedule now that Cecily has all but abandoned them. When Avery told him she wanted to see the girls only one weekend a month, Gordon readily agreed to it. It is far better for him to be the stable one in the family than to have the girls bounced between him and whatever poor med student Cecily could force to watch over them each weekend. Knowing what Cecily has become, he believes the weekends will dwindle and she'll be the classic C&E mother, a description once limited to fathers. **

**Gordon exhales deeply not wishing to dwell on Cecily any longer. He sees that the IV is nearly finished and leaves to ask the nurse if another one should be started. "I thought you were our new A&E consultant. You should know if another drip is needed," she jokes. Gordon shakes his head and says, "I don't let Chambers do surgery, and he doesn't let me do drips. Let's see what the master thinks we should do." **

**Chambers walks from a room and says: "Day you're hired. We need another hand to bring in a mop. Just had a puke up in room 8. Bet you don't see many of those upstairs!" Then he walks into Louisa's room with Gordon and the nurse and says: "Hate to wake sleeping beauty, but I've got to get a check. Miss, miss, we need to waken you for just a minute to see how you're getting on. Nurse is going to look at your BP, pulse. Can you sit up." **

**Louisa opens her eyes with a panicked look and whispers: "Where's Martin?" Chambers ignores the question, and the nurse quickly checks Louisa. Her BP, pulse, and heart rate are well within the normal range. They should have the blood work back shortly. Chambers asks the nurse to remove the IV and tells Louisa she can rest for a bit longer until they receive test results. She slumps back onto the exam couch and is quickly asleep. Gordon pulls the blanket over her.**

**Outside the room, Gordon tells the nurse he is going up to the surgical floor to check post-op patients. If Miss Glasson should awaken, please let her know he'll return. She furrows her brow and says: "Certainly Mr. Day."**

**Upstairs, Gordon sees that his three carotid patients are responding well and can be released tomorrow. One man's wife is hugely pregnant and has a number of questions about her clearly much older husband, not the least of which is can he help with baby chores. The patient says: "Don't ask him, he's never changed a nappy in his life!" Gordon laughs: "If that were only so. My 3 year old needs a nappy at night, and I've changed plenty of them. Wait until you have to comb hair into a braid or tie the sash on a party dress." Those nearby chuckle, and one man calls after him: "Night now, Doctor Dad."**

**Then he walks into another ward to examine an elderly women recovering from an aneurysm. She fainted in church two Sundays ago and was brought immediately to hospital. It took nearly a week to stabilize her so that surgery could be performed. Her color is good, and the last vital recording shows she is recovering nicely. She is praying for Gordon because he took such good care of her. Gordon thanks her and asks that she say a prayer for his mum who suffers from dementia. The woman clucks "what a pity" and then closes her eyes and folds her hands in prayer. Gordon pats her shoulder and she smiles slightly. **

**He looks in on a few other patients, and then briefly updates notes at the nurse's station. The formidable weekend ward sister beams at Gordon to acknowledge a rare Sunday night visit from a consultant. He nods pleasantly and says: "Good night ladies."**


	3. Chapter 3

**A Spontaneous Rescue**

**When the lift arrives at the A&E, Gordon Day considers walking down the corridor, retrieving his documents from the lounge and going home. But an aide beckons him to the nurse's desk and informs him that the security guard brought two cases to the desk and left an envelope for him. Inside the envelope is 100 pounds and a note from the guard: "Dr. Ellingham left this for the lady to get to Paddington Station. My shift is over and the staff entry is locked." Blast, thinks Gordon. The guard left him to sort this out. **

**Despite the note, he walk to the lounge, uses his passcard to enter and leaves with the thick folder of legal documents. Among the papers is a letter from Cecily giving the reasons she is divorcing him. Included is her accusation that he tries to rescue people and with no thanks from any of them. Perhaps she's right. But he'll feel as if he abandoned Miss Glasson if he doesn't see to it that she gets released from hospital and settled into a hotel for the night. He owes Ellingham that much. **

**Returning to the A&E, a young registrar approaches him: "Hello, Gordon, heard you're slumming it in A&E tonight. Saw an advert for the job you were to take in vascular – have you got haemophobia as well? A&E's the wrong place for that phobia my friend!" **

**Gordon wants to say: "Friend, my arse, you little twit. I'm Mr. Day to you, junior." Instead he asks: "Seen Chambers?"**

"**Off for tea and knowing him a little phone sex with the missus. Five kids and they still go at it." **

"**Can you clear a patient for release?" **

"**Only if you let me scrub in on a deep venous thrombosis." **

**Gordon glares at him and says: "Follow me." Inside Room 3, Louisa is trying to smooth her hair which she loosened from its ponytail. She quickly asks: "May I leave now?" **

"**The registrar will be checking a few things and then you'll be released."**

**The nurse enters and hands a slip of paper to Gordon with the results of Louisa's FBC test. He quickly notes that her blood count is slightly low, but not in the anaemic range. He passes the test to the registrar: "Will you release Miss Glasson?"**

**The registrar glances at the test and then the form the nurse provides. Signing it with a flourish, he looks at Louisa: "Off you go. It has been a pleasure being of service to you at St. Thomas's." Gordon cringes and the nurse rolls her eyes – twice. He can't wait to leave his surgery post and start putting these little snots through the wringer. **

**The nurse pulls off a copy of the form and gives it to Gordon: "She'll need this for her GP." Gordon thanks her, folds the form into quarters and hands it to Louisa. "It seems I've missed the last train to Cornwall until early morning. Do you know of a good hotel near Paddington Station. I have to be back for a school governor's meeting at noon."**

**Against hospital policy, Gordon uses his BlackBerry to check hotels near the station. He finds one and says: "This one sounds small and quiet. Shall I call for a room?" Louisa nods. He rings off and tells Louisa the hotel has nothing available, but the clerk recommended another nearby hotel. That hotel is also fully booked.**

"**It's just as well. I won't be able to sleep anyway. Is there a car lease place near here? I could drive home in five hours or so. Then I'd be at school for first bell." **

"**Oh, no, you can't drive. You are not feeling well. We'll find a hotel and you can take the train to Portwenn tomorrow." **

"**How do you know I'm going to Portwenn?" **

"**I think you mentioned it earlier."**

"**No, I said I was going to Cornwall. Did Martin ask you to get me back to Portwenn?" **

"**I haven't heard a word from Martin. But you should phone him now that you've been released. He can take care of you."**

"**He need not take care of me! I am capable of getting myself home by train or by car. I'll go outside and find a taxi. They'll take me to a car lease in short order."**

"**Miss Glasson, no matter what happened between you and Ellingham, you should phone him. My wife and I were on his team for three years, and he's a decent chap. I could talk to him if you like."**

"**Martin Ellingham is the last person I would ask for help! I am much better and can manage on my own."**

"**Look, if you won't ring Ellingham, I can take you home." Gordon can't believe what he has said.**

"**No, no you can't. It's a long way off, and I can drive myself. If you could just find my luggage, I'll be off to a car lease."**

**Then he does it again: "It's no bother. I could take you to Portwenn and be back in London by morning. At any rate, I feel a bit obligated what with Ellingham just leaving you here."**

"**He did not just leave me here! We had a big row, and he walked off." **

"**So, you did argue. That accounts for your state."**

"**I was not in a state. I was dehydrated and suffer from anaemia."**

"**You don't have anaemia, and you probably weren't dehydrated. You were upset with Ellingham and you had a strong emotional reaction - probably a panic attack. Believe me, it's happened to me often this last year."**

"**Oh right. You're the doctor with the solicitor and the divorce. Martin said your wife was his best registrar. "**

**"Yes, Cecily is a first rate surgeon. After Ellingham, she trained in breast surgery and worked with cancer patients. Then, she perfected breast implant techniques for cancer survivors." **

"**Martin made her seem quite noble."**

"**Early on she was. Then she learned how much money film stars and society women would pay for the right type of breast implant. She is still a brilliant surgeon, but her Harley St. clinic is for wealthy women who want – quite frankly—larger breasts." **

"**Does Martin know that?"**

"**Not sure what he knows. Cecily left St. Thomas's over a year ago to start the clinic. A good bit has changed in the three years he's been away. His old post is open again and I was the heir apparent. But because Cecily decided we should no longer be married, I let it pass. Actually, that might be the best thing to come out of the divorce: I have a reason to step back from surgery and look after my daughters."**

"**How old are they?" **

"**Evelyn is 5 and Charlotte just turned 3. They're with Cecily visiting her parents in Southampton. With all that's happened this year, they are still very dear."**

**"Well, I hope all goes well for you. I appreciate your help tonight. Sorry, I probably was in a state, but I'm able to travel now." **

"**Miss Glasson, you really should not be driving alone at night to Cornwall."**

"**Really, I'm fine. I frequently drive at night with school meetings, education courses, council meetings – that sort of thing."**

"**Yes, but not after you've just been released from A&E."**

"**No, I must be at the board of governors meeting tomorrow. I'll drive myself."**

"**Miss Glasson, if you are set on getting back tonight, let me take you. I wouldn't mind getting away from this place and London as well. A ride in the country might actually help me."**

**Louisa sighs and says: "Would you really drive me home?"**

"**Apparently I would. I'll go up to my office and map it. What is your address in Portwenn?" Louisa gives Gordon her school's address and follows him to a waiting area where he leaves her resting in a chair. Her mind is still fuzzy and she is exhausted. My God, she thinks, I am getting into a car with a man who is probably going to strangle me and throw my body by the road before we even get outside of London. I must be mad, but I really don't care. And then she nods off. **

**An aide awakens her: "Miss, we've had a call from Mr. Day, and he is fetching his car and will meet you at the A&E entry. A porter took your cases out for you. Are you feeling a little better now?" Louisa nods and follows the aide outside.**

**Gordon soon arrives in a Volvo wagon and lifts the hatch to stow her cases. Louisa thanks the aide and opens the door before Gordon reaches it. In the car, he asks if she is comfortable and offers her water and an apple. **

**Again, she is so very thirsty and accepts a bottle of water. She cannot seem to open it, and he takes it from her to remove the cap. She feels so weak and tired. The weekend has been overwhelming, and she wants to sleep and forget about everything. Mostly though, she has to force Martin Ellingham from her mind. Painful and sad though it is, she knows there will never be anything else with Martin. It is over, resolved, ended. She will never have any reason to see him again, ever. Then she falls asleep.**

**Before going to his office, Gordon returned to the surgery nurse's desk for supplies should Miss Glasson have another incident. Into his rarely-used medical bag, he stuffed paracetamol and hydroxyzine, an anti-anxiety drug. He also brought several bottles of water and a bag of apples for the journey. **

**Gordon has the detailed directions to Portwenn but will rely on his sat/nav to actually get him there. He enters the address and sees it is about a five hour trip, a bit longer than Google maps put it. Then he smiles to himself realizing that it has been quite some time since he has done anything remotely adventurous. He has always been the steady one throughout his childhood, university days, medical school, surgical training and marriage to Cecily. **

**They were so in love, so happy for so many years that he still can't understand why their marriage ended so badly. He has to force Cecily from his mind and concentrate on getting Ellingham's girlfriend home. The stuffy prick better thank him for doing this and not get on his high horse about it. He glances over at Miss Glasson and sees she is again sleeping. Good. It's probably what she really needs. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A Shared Sadness**

**A few hours later, Gordon turns into a late night petrol station off the A-5, near Bristol. After pumping fuel into the Volvo, he gently awakens Louisa and asks if she would like to use the loo. She seems to have trouble coming round but finally nods her head. Saying nothing, they walk from the car to the station and back. Louisa refuses the apple he offers and drinks only a bit of water. Gordon suggests that she might want to have more water. If she actually was dehydrated earlier, continuing to drink water will help.**

**This does not go well with her and she sputters: "You said I wasn't dehydrated!" **

"**No, I said you weren't anaemic. You could have been dehydrated."**

"**Just like I could have been peri-menopausal until I told you I was 36."**

**Gordon laughs and says: "Okay, I'm a terrible doctor, but a great surgeon."**

**Louisa stares at him as if she wants to say something but can't think of the right words. Then she takes a long drink of water, replaces the top and tucks the bottle beside her. **

**Soon after returning to the road, she asks: "Why are you divorcing your wife?"**

**Not wanting to get into the fact that Cecily had an affair and is now living with her lover, Gordon replies: "First off, she is the one who is divorcing me, not the other way round."**

"**Oh, I see. Sorry. It really is none of my business. **

"**The reasons she gave me are extensive with the most valid that I'm quick tempered and sarcastic and the sorriest that I don't lower the toilet seat. That aside, it's probably the old cliché - we grew apart.**

"**We were so concentrated on our surgical careers, that we had time for nothing else including each other. I really had to talk her into having Evelyn and it happened much faster than she planned. Somehow Cecily thought it would take a while to conceive because she was 36, but she became pregnant the first time we tried. I took the parental leave to be with Evelyn, much to the dismay of Ellingham who was not pleased having me off the surgery schedule for three months.**

"**After not wanting any children, Cecily thought it important to have a second child. She is an only child and had always wanted a sister. When Charlotte was born neither of us took leave, but hired a nighttime nanny so that we could sleep and be ready for surgery in the morning. Cecily had no problem with it, but I regret not standing up to her and Ellingham and taking parental leave again."**

"**So Martin was an ogre to work for?"**

"**No, not really an ogre. Just not very empathetic. He has no family, really no life and it was always a bit awkward trying to explain why everything did not revolve around work. He was a well-meaning, good-hearted chief, only a little obtuse at times."**

**Louisa is comforted knowing that Martin's colleagues thought he was at least good hearted if not the most understanding of their personal lives. Memories from the weekend return and the one she will always cherish is how lighthearted Martin was on their Saturday night walk about London. Although they discussed difficult aspects of their lives during dinner, she felt so close to Martin. **

**If only Martin could always be this way. But he won't and there will never be anything with him. One day she will accept this. Only now she is . . . crying. No, she is actually sobbing. Her hands are clenched, and she is pounding them on the dash and howling with all the grief, frustration and anger she is feeling over Martin.**

"**Miss Glasson, steady now – please take some deep breaths. I'm pulling off the road -just up ahead there seems to be a spot – calm yourself a bit, take deep breaths."**

**As soon as he safely stops the car and engages its flashers, Gordon tries to take Louisa's hands to stop her from bruising them. She pulls her hands away and buries her face in them. Long minutes pass as she wildly cries, and he continues to tell her to keep breathing and try to collect herself. God, he thinks, if only I could do this. I wish I could sob and beat my fists and just get over Cecily and all the pain of the last few years. Cecily always said that women are over hurt faster, because they don't internalize it as men do. Well he has certainly internalized his share of hurt recently.**

**Reaching behind the seat, he finds the tissues he has learned to keep for the girls' sniffles and spills. He hands Louisa several and in between her tears, she mumbles, "thanks, so very kind of you." After a few minutes she stops crying, but continues to wipe her nose and eyes. "Dr. Day, I am so sorry. I'm not like this. I don't know what has happened to me, why I can't control myself."**

"**Miss Glasson, you were clearly in emotional distress earlier tonight. It takes a bit of time to get over that sort of distress. It just takes a bit of time." **

**She nods, and continues to wipe her eyes and asks for more tissues. He extends the box to her and she plucks several from it and blows her nose quite forcefully. Then she drinks water and yawns loudly.**

"**Would you like to lie down in the back. We still have several hours to Portwenn, and it might be more comfortable."**

**Again, she only nods, but then opens the car door. Large lorries are racing by and she is perilously close to the road. He hurries to the other side of the car, and leads her to the driver's side. Then he opens the back door for her and hands her the water and tissues. Nothing is said, until he returns to the front and she mumbles: "Thank you. So very kind."**

**Before returning to the roadway, Gordon slips a Lori McKenna CD into the player. His secretary, Amelia, gave it to him after she learned Cecily was divorcing him. Amelia constantly annoys Gordon with her new age aphorisms, but she assured him that he would find the melancholy music "life affirming." For someone not particularly schooled or interested in music, much less Amelia's claptrap, the songs are oddly comforting. Perhaps Miss Glasson will find take solace from them as well. **

**Gordon sees in the mirror that she is lying down, more slumped on her side, clutching the bottle of water and box of tissues. This is so sad. The poor woman has just begun what Gordon sometimes feels will never end: the loss, rejection, dashed hopes, loneliness, anger, and a host of other emotions she may or may not ever feel. He is so very sorry for Miss Glasson. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A Visit to Portwenn**

**Several hours later, Gordon spots the road sign for Portwenn and enters a narrow, dark lane surrounded by open fields: the legendary moors of Cornwall. At another marker, the road widens and a few lights show houses neatly arranged on several hillsides. "Miss Glasson, we are almost in Portwenn. I may need directions now." **

**Lying in the back of the moving car has made her somewhat disoriented, and Louisa becomes a little dizzy as she sits. She steadies herself by gripping the headrest and directs Dr. Day to her home. There, he opens the car door and asks if she has keys. She hasn't thought to find them in her bag and fumbles about until she remembers they were put in a compartment for safekeeping. She hands two keys to him, and he quickly opens the door. Louisa steps into her cottage, slumps into a kitchen chair and watches silently as Gordon brings in her cases. "Miss Glasson, you might want to get on to bed now. I can wait until you're settled. We have only a few hours to dawn, and you need as much rest as possible before your meeting." **

**Louisa nearly slurs: "For someone who is a terrible doctor, you give a fair bit of medical advice."**

"**Right, then. I'll be off. Look, I'm leaving my card on the table should you need to reach me. I am a terrible doctor but I can do in a pinch."**

"**Thank you. I'll go up in a minute. Let me just rest here and clear my head."**

"**I booked in at the Portwenn Hotel before we left London. Is it just near the harbor?"**

"**Yes – drive to the bottom of the hill and bear left. I'm sorry I took you away from London. I appreciate what you did for me."**

**Gordon nods his head and walks toward the door: "Good night then. Have as much rest as possible for the next week, drink water, eat dried fruit and leafy vegetables. Mild exercise will help as well."**

**Louisa cannot understand why Dr. Day continues to talk, but he eventually leaves and she is alone. She slips off her coat and shoes and makes her way to the sofa where she collapses and is soon asleep. Blessed sleep.**

**Gordon carefully drives down the twisting, moonlit road to the harbor and easily sees the hotel. He is greeted by the proprietor, Leslie Janney: "Welcome to Portwenn. I can offer you some tea and biscuits at this hour, but the restaurant won't be open until 6."**

"**Oh, not necessary, thank you. A bed is all I need after a long drive from London. May I leave a wake up for 9? Or is that checkout." **

"**No, we are off season and checkout is whenever you please. We'll ring you at 9, but there is no hurry to leave. We have a big group coming in on Wednesday, but our primary business before the bank holiday is school trips, retirees and the occasional getaway."**

**She offers to take Gordon to his room, but he can find his way and wishes her good night. He has with him his medical bag and a plastic carryall like those given to patients when they leave hospital. In it he has underwear, a toiletry kit and set of scrubs - all from his hospital locker. He had no change of clothes at St Thomas's, so he will stop at home to dress for his 6 o'clock meeting with the chief of surgery and hospital administrator. Gordon will use the return trip to think of what to say in the meeting as it is important to continue his career at St. Thomas's. **

**After a shower, Gordon dons a set of scrubs and crawls into the soft bed with a down duvet. Before he falls asleep, he thinks of another reason Cecily claims she is divorcing him: He is not spontaneous. Elsewhere on that list is her complaint that he tries to rescue people. Gordon feels very spontaneous tonight, but wonders if he was trying to rescue Miss Glasson.**

**The 9 am call comes much earlier than he wants. A cheerful young woman informs him in her best Cornish accent that it is sunny, the temperature is 11 degrees C. and the wind is moving from the south, southwest at 17 knots. Gordon thanks her and returns to the inviting pillow. Sunlight can be seen through the open curtains, and he hurries across the room to close them with the plan of returning to bed for another minute or so. All thought of that ends as his room has a stunning view of the harbor. He is mesmerized by the movement of the greenish blue water, the grass covered hillsides and the small figures going about their day's work on the boats, harbor and village streets. Before he knows it, the time is 9:15, and he must crack on if he is to be back in London for his meeting.**

**He picks up his BlackBerry and quickly calls Cecily's parents to wish the girls good morning. Her mother, Lorna, answers the phone, and they have their usual pleasant exchange. Cecily's parents contacted him soon after she told them of the divorce and her intent to give Gordon custody of Evelyn and Charlotte. They were frightened that Gordon would no longer allow them to see their granddaughters. He assured them of the opposite and said he hoped they could see the girls more often now that their visits would not be controlled by Cecily. Both are retired and have been wonderful to the girls and a help to Gordon. **

**Charlotte comes to the phone first and relates a story involving the cat, a bigger boy who frightens the cat, and how Grandpere had to shoo away the bad boy. Then Evelyn describes Sunday's visit to the park with the big boats and how she drew pictures of the boats for mummy's office. Gordon tells them he loves them and will see them tomorrow. They send him "BlackBerry kisses" as they giggle at their special way of dealing with the nuisance that is his mobile.**

**After another shower, he decides not to shave, dresses quickly and gathers everything into the carryall. Cecily would be mortified if she saw this version of his luggage and his rumpled appearance. He is certain the architect never has a hair out of place. **

**The dining room has an even more brilliant view of the harbor and Gordon takes in the scenery as he awaits the eggs, berries, toast and coffee he has ordered as a reward for the long drive from London and the return trip he will soon take. He scrolls through his email messages and deals with most of them quickly. One came from Robbie Chambers just after 5 – the end of his shift thinks Gordon - ****asking how the patient withstood the journey.**

**Robbie gave him a bit of guff but told Gordon that if all else failed, he would join him on the trip and trade off driving. The A&E staff – both male and female – is renowned for its loud displays of machismo and vulgar language. Yet most of them care more for people than many others who work at St Thomas's. Gordon reports that Miss Glasson handled it well and seems a bit better. No need to get into the piece with her crying.**

**After breakfast, Gordon checks out, something he rarely has to do with the automated processes at most hotels. Sounding like the woman who called him at 9, the desk clerk quickly handles his account and asks if she can be of help to him in any way. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks if she can direct him to Mr. Ellingham's surgery. **

"**You mean Doc Martin?" **

"**Yes, Martin Ellingham." She provides directions and wishes him a good day. As he walks away from the desk, she calls after him: "Doc Martin is in London and won't be back until tomorrow, but Paul should be at surgery. Maybe she can help you." **

**Realizing that he is being a bit intrusive, Gordon decides it would be wise not to stop in the surgery. Ellingham will already be chuffed at him about Miss Glasson, and this will only rub his face in it. Instead he drives slowly by the building which he easily recognizes from the clerk's description. Martin's name placard is next to the front door, and several teenage girls are sitting on a stone wall opposite the surgery. As he passes, they blow kisses to him and call "take us to London with you." How can they possibly know he is going to London? Of course! The car plates show the London registry. Quite a place he thinks. **

**He drives around a bend and up a hill to a large white building which looks like a church, but which a sign identifies as Portwenn Primary, Miss Glasson's school. Children are playing outside, and he sees a number of cars nearby. The board of governors seems to be convening already, and he hopes Miss Glasson is there to meet them. He also hopes she will soon recover from – well – the incident.**

**The trip to London is uneventful, but the meeting with the chief of surgery is most certainly not. Both he and the hospital administrator are in their 60s, and it is clear the men think Gordon insane for giving up such a coveted post to return to a general surgery rotation and whatever else he can paste together to have a semblance of a career. He has used the return trip wisely to marshal his arguments, and they agree at the end that he will be more than useful to St. Thomas's. He also assures them that this will be only for the next 5 years until Charlotte is well into primary school. **

**In turn, they assure him, that no marks will be taken from his record if he wants to pursue other more challenging posts in the future. They invite Gordon to join them for dinner at the administrator's club. He demurs, saying he must return home to be ready for the return of his daughters. They try to put a bright face on it, but he suspects they can't imagine whatever for.**

**...continued**


	6. Chapter 6

**A Thank You from Each**

**Gordon is soon caught up in his busy days at St. Thomas's and evenings with the girls. Their night time nanny, Alma Simpson, has stayed on and is occupying the basement rooms and caring for the girls when Gordon can't be with them. Most of his surgeries, teaching and tutoring will be during the day when Charlotte and Evelyn attend kindergarten and nursery school, but he still must make post op rounds a few nights a week. Several university-age babyminders are available for those evenings. **

**He hadn't thought much of his impromptu trip to Portwenn until he returns from surgery perhaps a month later to find a large carton on his desk. Amelia is now only working for him half time, but she is lurking about curious to know what the box contains.**

**Inside are three bottles of choice wine from a well-known London wine merchant. When he and Cecily were first practicing and had more money and time, they and other friends from medical school fancied themselves wine connoisseurs and spent unseemly amounts buying wine from this very merchant. The printed card inside reads: "Dr. Day: Thank you for proving that chivalry is not dead. Gratefully, Louisa Glasson." **

"**Well, Gordon, who's it from then?"**

"**Amelia, don't you have any work to do? Look I used to protect you, but now that you're assigned to me and young Mr. Seidel, you can't expect to laze about the office all day."**

"**Must be a woman, otherwise, you would have told me straight off. Who is it? Does she work at St. Thomas's. Would I like her?"**

"**Go away, Amelia. I have to scrub in with Manning in about 15 minutes and don't have time for your nonsense."**

"**Yes, your lordship. I'll go back to the scullery now."**

**Ordinarily, Gordon, enjoys the give and take with Amelia, but the incident with Miss Glasson has remained out of hospital gossip and, for Ellingham's sake, Gordon wants to keep it that way. Amelia would not.**

**He places the carton in his office cupboard and puts the card in his desk drawer. On second thought, he wants to keep it from Amelia, so he stuffs it in his wallet. **

**Taking the stairs to the operating theatre, his mobile rings. Martin Ellingham is calling and inviting Gordon to dinner as thanks for his help. He apologizes for the delay but has been quite busy preparing to turn over his practice in Cornwall to a locum and planning his return to London. Gordon has heard rumors of this and is interested in talking with Martin and learning how he will cope with the haemophobia. Ellingham will be in London two weeks hence, and Gordon agrees to meet him at a fancy fish restaurant in Kensington at 6 on Sunday evening. **

**Gordon is more pressed for time than ever. Christmas is approaching and the girls are excited not only by Father Christmas, but by their increased activities. Evelyn's ballet school is performing its annual "Nutcracker," and she will be one of many faeries on stage for the production. Although she will simply stand about, rehearsals are required. As for Charlotte, her nursery school is performing a short programme of carols for the December parents' meeting. For some reason, rehearsals are also needed. **

**Schoolwork has to be squeezed in, along with baths, meals here and there and the Sunday birthday parties one or the other girl is invited to every week or so. Gordon has finally followed Amelia's advice, and bought a carton of pre-wrapped gifts on-line. A card is attached to the outside, and he writes the name of the birthday child on the front of the card. Either Evelyn or Charlotte scrawls her name on the inside. Amelia's experience as a doting aunt to seven nieces and nephews is proving useful. With all of this he has put off personal items, such as the needed thank you note to Miss Glasson for the wine.**

**On the Sunday he is to meet Martin for dinner, Gordon rushes home with Evelyn following yet another rehearsal. Although the nanny disapproves, Gordon is feeding the girls takeaway fish fingers and chips for supper, so they won't whinge when he leaves for the evening. He arrives at the restaurant before Ellingham, the most punctual man in the universe, and is pleased that he will not have a tardy check against him.**

**Martin joins him and there is a bit of awkwardness initially, but after Gordon's first glass of a very fine wine, the conversation flows quite well. Yes, Ellingham is leaving Cornwall and will be heading a fascinating research project at Imperial Hospital while being treated for haemophobia. Gordon is surprised when Martin admits that he has been seeing a psychologist and will continue intensive therapy in London trying to identify and understand the problems causing his aversion to blood and cauterized flesh.**

**As they are finishing their meal, Martin finally mentions the Sunday night Gordon drove Miss Glasson to Portwenn. Again, he is surprised when Ellingham freely tells him that he and Miss Glasson argued that evening, and he walked off in a huff. However, he expected she would go to the station as planned and then take a train and taxi to her home. He did not realize how she would react or he certainly would have stayed with her.**

**When Martin learned of it the next day from Chris Parsons, who was called by Harvey Coombs, he tried to contact Miss Glasson, but she was in a school governors meeting. Later he talked with Robbie Chambers who said Miss Glasson suffered a panic attack but was well when she left the A&E. ****Martin appreciates what Gordon did and apologizes for his needing to step in. After ending the dinner with espresso, there is little left to say. **

**While waiting for the waiter to bring the bill, Ellingham mentions that he heard from Robert Southwood that Cecily now has offices on Harley Street and is specializing in what he generously describes as "reconstructive surgery." Not wanting to get into it, Gordon nods. **

**Sometimes Ellingham is a bit thick and says Robert also told him that Cecily is living in a flat near Martin's old building in Kensington. Another nod, but Gordon can't resist noting that she moved into the flat the same day her lover's wife moved from the flat. Martin blushes and seems flustered with this turn in the conversation. Now that Ellingham has gotten him started, Gordon mentions that Cecily has given up custody of the girls, which is just as well. He would be concerned if they shared a home with their mother's lover who works from the flat. At times, he could be alone with the girls if Cecily were at her clinic.**

**Ellingham clearly is trying to change the subject and asks the type of work Cecily's friend does at the flat. When Gordon responds that he is an architect, Martin stands quickly, shakes hands with Gordon saying he enjoyed seeing him and thanking him again. It is late and Gordon is happy to be dismissed by Ellingham. **

**Gordon is home around 9 and looks in on the girls before checking emails and any changes to his schedule. Those are handled quickly, and he sends a long, chatty email to his sister who oversees their mother's care in the dementia ward of a care home near Warwickshire. He ends by asking if he and the girls should come for Christmas. Perhaps mum would be well enough to see Evelyn and Charlotte for a bit. **

**Then he attacks a sticky situation in which Charlotte broke a window in the home of a nursery school friend when she threw a toy at it. Gordon has had the repair made and sent flowers to the mother, but she will not let it go. Of course, the parents from school know of the divorce, and this mother is convinced that Charlotte needs help coping with it. She has phoned Gordon several times with names of psychologists and other observations and he has tried to ignore the calls. But Charlotte and this woman's daughter get on well, so he must acknowledge her concerns but will do so by email. **

**He works to set the right tone and chooses his words carefully including the fact that his daughters are seeing an excellent psychologist recommended by Evelyn's school. After a few minutes he has composed what he believes – after the several glasses of wine consumed earlier – is a masterpiece of restraint and diplomacy. Then he hits the send button.**

**Gordon has a habit of sticking pieces of paper in his wallet and checks to see if he has dry cleaning to fetch or an upcoming dental appointment he failed to enter into his diary. He spots the card from Miss Glasson and recalls that he still must thank her for the wine. There is no telephone number or address on the card, but he should be able to find an email address at her school. **

**He quickly Googles "Portwenn Primary School, Cornwall" and is taken to the education office's site. He scrolls through and finds a contact tab with a link to the email of "Louisa Glasson, Head of School." He hits the link and then does not know what to say. Obviously, he wants to thank her for the wine, but doesn't want to upset her by mentioning the incident at St. Thomas's. Tonight, Ellingham said that he had not seen Miss Glasson since that Sunday afternoon in London. As Martin will also be leaving Cornwall shortly, Gordon suspects Miss Glasson may yet be fairly miserable about him. Nothing Gordon writes in an email would truly help her. **

**In the subject line, he does try to be cheerful by entering "Very Kind of You," a phrase she used many times with him that night. He quickly types: "Dear Miss Glasson, I am very remiss in not thanking you earlier for the three bottles of excellent wine. My daughters and I are a bit busy, so I haven't yet had an opportunity to properly enjoy any of the wine. However, I look forward to having time over Christmas to toast the New Year with your very kind gift." **

**He tries to craft a sentence that will convey his hope that she is better, but anything he tries to say sounds as if he is interfering. He somewhat weakly but genuinely ends with: "May you have a Happy Christmas and New Year. Sincerely, Gordon Day."**

**After hitting "send," he leans back in his chair, closes his eyes and thinks about Cecily and the blasted architect.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A Trip to Wadebridge**

**Very early Monday morning, Louisa is in her loo experiencing the queasiness and nausea which have plagued her for the last month or so. She finally recognized that she could be pregnant and traveled to Wadebridge on Saturday to buy a test kit. Not cetain if she was more frightened of being pregnant than not, Louisa waited until yesterday afternoon to have the test and confirm her suspicions. The implictions are overwheming, but she so wants the baby.**

**For the remainder of Sunday, she was in a happy blur imagining life with a child. When she was young and with Danny, she allowed herself such daydreams. As each year ticked by, the dreams waned and Louisa tried to accept that she might never have a child, never be a mother.**

**Each time they made love in London, she and Martin used a condom. If for nothing else, Martin could be counted on to buy the most reliable sort available. How could she have become pregnant? Despite the positive test, she worries that somehow it is wrong and her symptoms not real. Later today, she plans to set an appointment with Truro's obstetrical clinic. Perhaps, the doctor can explain why the condom failed. But it really doesn't matter: She will have the baby and Martin need not be responsible in any way. He is off to London and would be appalled at the thought of a child. **

**Village gossips quickly picked up that she and Martin no longer had even the meager relationship which had them spotted together around Portwenn. When Martin announced he was leaving Portwenn for London, Louisa was not surprised. Many thought it was because she no longer had an interest in him but it was the other way round, thinks Louisa. Soon the gossips would have another tale to spin as her pregnancy became obvious.**

**At 5 on Monday morning, the euphoria that carried Louisa through Sunday has diminished as she struggles into the shower, forces herself to drink tea, eat dry toast to contain the nausea and make her way to school. Louisa has been extremely tired and falls into a deep sleep around 8 each night. It seems to take her a very long time to accomplish anything, so she goes into school early to address paperwork first thing.**

**Opening her email, she spots one that came through the education office link. It could be from someone she met at a conference, but more often these messages are from salesmen offering any manner of goods to improve her school. If only she had the budget for everything they wanted her to buy! ****The somewhat intriguing subject line reads: "Very Kind of You." Oh God, it is probably from some porno website, but then she sees it is from St. Thomas's Hospital. Of course, it is a thank you from Dr. Day for the wine Caroline insisted she send to him.**

**She did phone Caroline on the Monday morning she was back in Portwenn. Instead of regaling her with details of her romantic weekend, she had to beg off talking to her until she felt a bit more settled about what occurred with Martin. ****That Friday night, Louisa was finally able to meet Caroline. Strangely, she did not cry or really feel anything as she gave Caroline a very straightforward account of the weekend, including the last argument with Martin, her violent reaction to it, and how she was treated at the A&E.**

**Explaining why Dr. Day drove her to Portwenn is a bit trickier, as Louisa truly can't recall how it all came about. What she does remember is that she slept during most of the trip, except for the time he had to leave the road while she cried. Lying in the back seat and listening to the music soothed her, and she has cried only a little since then. **

**Caroline lectures her about getting into a car with a strange man, even if he had worked for Martin. Louisa responds that nothing he could have done would have been worse than what she experienced with Martin for the last three years. Before leaving hospital with Dr. Day, she had the fleeting thought that he might kill her and throw her body into a drainage ditch. She told Caroline at that point, she would have welcomed it. **

**Caroline convinces her that the noble deed performed by Dr. Day must be rewarded with very expensive wine, and she has just the place. During her PR days in London, a snooty wine merchant was Caroline's most lucrative account. She assures Louisa she can manage a big discount for her. Just let her handle everything and Louisa can reimburse her. Caroline is more financially set than she, so Louisa does impose a spending limit. **

**Then Caroline tries to compose the perfect thank you note from Louisa. Everything she says sounds stilted and foolish to Louisa. It is finally Louisa who mumbles: "Just thank him for proving that chivalry is not dead."**

"**Perfect," Caroline proclaims, and Louisa saw on the receipt that this was the message sent with the wine. **

**And now he is thanking her for the wine with a very stilted and perfunctory message of his own. However, she does imagine that he is very busy with two young daughters, and she realizes that by next year she will be busy as well with a new baby. This thought gladdens her as does his final wish for a Happy Christmas and New Year. **

**Many emails await her attention, so Louisa quickly responds: "A Happy Christmas and New Year to you and your daughters as well." Thinking she must make mention of her sorry state in London, she adds: "As you lift your glass to the New Year, please remember your kind and generous help to me in October. Sincerely, Louisa Glasson." **

**continued...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A New Year Begins**

**After a long, frustrating day at the medical school, Gordon resolves a squabble between Charlotte and Evelyn who can't agree on a Christmas gift for their mum. Gordon promises to take them shopping on Saturday and each can buy her own present for Cecily. She always likes presents, so two will be better than one. This appeases the girls, although Alma enters the fray pointing out that he is spoiling his daughters just as he spoiled their mother.**

**Why, he thinks, does no one respect his authority in any way. The twits at the medical school want him to be their mate rather than their tutor, and he is beginning to feel like his father who raged about the lack of respect among Gordon's teenage friends. By the time he looks at email, he is ready to fall into bed. First, he must check schedule changes as he has surgeries both Tuesday and Wednesday and several are complicated procedures. **

**There are no changes, but there is a response to his email from Louisa Glasson. It was sent a little after 6 am, the time Gordon usually awakens. Reading it, he smiles at the notion that he his generous and kind. Perhaps he should forward the message to Cecily to prove that he is not the heartless bastard she alleged in their divorce proceedings. **

**Tired and not feeling creative, he quickly responds: "I will certainly lift my glass to you with those sentiments. Gordon Day" and hits send. Then he realizes he meant to say "to the New Year" rather than "to you." Sounds a bit odd, but it is too late to change it. Sending another email would make it more awkward, so he will let it rest. She probably is feeling better as Gordon has learned that time really does have healing powers. **

**Every few days after the first email exchange, Louisa sends Gordon a quick message early in the morning from school and he responds late at night after the girls are in bed. Two days before Christmas, they wish each other a Happy Christmas and Gordon mentions he and his daughters are off to Warwickshire for a week to see his mum, sister Margaret and her family.**

**The grandparents are coming from Southampton on Boxing Day, and Cecily – whom he delicately refers to as his children's mother – will be traveling to Portofino. He does not mention she will be in the company of the man he not so delicately refers to as "her lover, the architect." **

**For her part, Louisa will be celebrating Christmas and Boxing Day helping her friend, Isabelle, who has a new baby girl. She does not mention that Isabelle is a single mum as Louisa will soon be.**

**On New Year's Day, Louisa receives a brief email from Gordon: "We had our New Year's Eve toast with your Pouilly-Fuisse, and it was an excellent bottle. Thank you again. Cheers for the New Year. Gordon Day" Louisa is having a particularly bad time of it and is overcome with jealously as she imagines the merry evening Gordon had with his family.**

**New Year's Day, however, was not what Louisa imagined. On Christmas, Gordon took his daughters to see their grandmother. After being on a new drug regimen for a month, his mum was more lucid and recognized Gordon. She soon remembered the girls and had a pleasant few hours with them. Evelyn showed her poses from "The Nutcracker" and Charlotte sang very spotty and amusing versions of several carols. Gordon and his sister are hopeful for their mother.**

**Everyone but Gordon is going to a children's fair on New Year's day. He begs off asking for a bit of time by himself. After a half hour, he is at loose ends and walks to the care home to see his mother. When he arrives, the receptionist asks him to wait rather than enter his mum's room as he did on Christmas and the few days after that. Thinking she may be having a bath, Gordon looks through a magazine.**

**A nurse introduces herself and advises Gordon that his mother had an episode yesterday evening. Gordon expresses surprise as she has been so well. The nurse agrees, but says that with dementia, the drugs work for a bit and then the effect lessens. Gordon would still like to visit his mum.**

**Making their way to a day room, the nurse explains that his mother is in restraints so that she will not harm herself, and she sometimes shouts vulgarities. Gordon enters the room where others with dementia are gathered. He is overwhelmed by the smell of urine, which the nurse says cannot be controlled as all the patients are incontinent.**

**His mother is in a chair staring out a window. Her hands are in white cotton mittens so she will not scratch herself and a wide, harness-like contraption keeps her tethered to the chair. Gordon pulls a chair next to her, rubs her arm and – as the nurse suggested – softly talks to her. Other visitors are doing the same and Gordon looks at them furtively wondering if they do this everyday and feeling bad that he leaves all of this to his sister. **

**An aide approaches with a small tray of food and tells Gordon she is there to feed his mother. Gordon has seen others feeding patients and thinks he can manage. The food is pureed and smells vile, but the aide assures him it is fresh and nutritious. **

**He begins with what looks like fruit as he thinks this will be the most appealing to his mother. He spoons it into her mouth and she spits it out. Several times he tries, but with the same results. Another aide appears and tells Gordon his mum actually likes her veg first and feeds her for a few minutes. Then his mother pushes the tray from the aide's hand and it falls on Gordon. Tea and food spill into his lap, but he calmly wipes himself off with a cloth the aide provides and then picks up the tray and dishes. **

**The aide smiles a bit and says: "I think lunch is over. I am going to take your mum to make her comfortable and will bring her back." Gordon only nods as he knows this means his mother's nappy is to be changed. **

**While waiting for the nurse to return, an older woman – probably his mum's age – approaches Gordon saying she runs the support group for families of dementia patients and suggests it might be helpful for Gordon. He explains he is just visiting for Christmas week and will return to London tomorrow. She smiles and says, "It is good of you to look in on your mum – it is your mum isn't it – as so many forget about them. It is too much to bear." **

**Gordon agrees and tells her his sister is Margaret Fleming and she mostly looks after his mother. "Oh, of course, Margaret. Lovely girl. She comes to our meetings and always has a bit of cheer for us. Her mum can be so difficult, but that girl is back every day and never has a cross word." **

**After his mother returns, Gordon stays with her for a few more hours until she falls asleep in the chair. While with his mum, he did as his sister suggested: he recalled all he could about his mother from the day she dropped him at nursery school for the first time and he cried when she left him, to the day she tentatively took the newborn Evelyn from Gordon and both of them cried. As Margaret said: "She has lost her memories and you must keep them for her." **

**continued...**


	9. Chapter 9

**A Friendly Exchange**

**By early January, Louisa and Gordon are back in their routine of sending emails: hers in the early morning, his late at night. The emails stop on Friday night and resume on Monday morning. Neither is sure why but does nothing to change it. **

**One Saturday morning in February Louisa is surprised to see an email from Gordon sent at a little after 7 am. Can she recommend a birthday party book as Evelyn's birthday is tomorrow. On a children's book website she favors,**

**Louisa finds three books about birthday parties. She sends Gordon the links and wishes Evelyn a happy birthday. Almost immediately, he responds: "Thanks. Much to do. I will give you a full report on Sunday night. Gordon." Louisa smiles and thinks: "Poor man. He can just have a cake from any bakery and a few little gifts. He doesn't need a book for that."**

**What Gordon did not tell Louisa is that Evelyn has invited 10 of her school friends to a party on Sunday afternoon, and he has done nothing to prepare for it. Cecily's secretary sent the invitations, but the party has been left to him. He quickly reads the summaries of the birthday party books and devises a plan. Then he packs the girls into the Volvo wagon and begins shopping. **

**Three hours later they return with party games, streamers, favor bags for the guests, tea sandwiches and a birthday cake with "Happy Birthday Evelyn" scrolled on the top. For the cake, he had to bribe a baker to pipe on flowers and the lettering. Apparently, in London, one must order a birthday cake a week in advance. **

**An hour before the party Cecily arrives with party dresses for the girls and a present for Evelyn. Gordon asks if he can add his name to the birthday card as he forgot about an actual gift for Evelyn. The party is not the most organized, but they are able to play some games, feed the guests and sing birthday songs. Photos are taken and the guests leave carrying favor bags stuffed with cake and smiles on their sweet faces.**

**What Gordon will not tell Louisa is that after the girls went upstairs for a much needed nap, he and Cecily fell into bed together. It is what Gordon has heard about from divorced colleagues: the angry, passionate post-divorce sex that leaves both of them breathless and swearing never to do it again. Gordon falls asleep and awakens to a freshly-showered Cecily pulling on her clothes and preparing to leave. She must meet the architect for a client dinner in 15 minutes and will just pop in on the girls. Gordon follows her downstairs saying: "Give my best to your lover." Cecily makes an obscene gesture to him as she walks out the front door.**

**After supper, he and the girls go through Evelyn's gifts and he helps her begin the thank you notes. Then they are off to bed, and he cleans up the party debris. Gordon is still steamed about Cecily and will go for a run to settle himself. The nanny has returned and is watching her telly stories when he leaves. An hour later, his blood pressure is down, but he is exhausted and responds only to work emails. **

**In Portwenn, Louisa checks her email until 11 and then goes to bed. She is a bit bothered that Gordon did not send the promised Sunday night report on the party. Not even Caroline knows of their exchanges, but Louisa finds herself looking forward to those brief messages from him each weekday. **

**Nothing profound is said by either of them. He'll describe something one of the girls has done or a difficult surgery he performed, while she'll comment on the effect of a budget cut or progress made by one of her maths classes. Sometimes he complains about the medical students, a cheeky registrar or a Morbidity and Mortality Conference he ran that day. She'll grouse about Stu MacKenzie, education office bureaucrats or a difficult meeting with parents. **

**Other days, she'll mention an amusing encounter with a villager or tourist on an early morning walk, and he'll recount what he saw on a late night run. They both enjoy BBC documentaries and often compare notes on one seen over the weekend. After a Sunday night documentary on the British penal system, Louisa tells Gordon about her father's imprisonment and how she worries about him. He then tells her about his mum's dementia and his guilt that Margaret bears the brunt of her care.**

**When she read Gordon's email about his mum, she thought of telling him about her pregnancy, but she knew it would end their exchanges. With Gordon she does not have to face the reality of her pregnancy which she must now do in Portwenn.**

**Louisa met with Stu MacKenzie at the beginning of the second term and told him of her pregnancy. He was not shocked and immediately said: "It's that tosser, Ellingham, right?" Louisa nodded as he took her hand: "Don't worry. You will have your post here, and we'll see to it that you and the baby are cared for." **

**Swallowing hard, Louisa realized that Stu MacKenzie was much more compassionate than his terse commands to her revealed. **

**On Monday morning, her short query to Gordon reads: "How was the birthday party? Louisa" Very late that night, he responds: "No write ups in 'The Tattler,' but I did entertain 10 classmates and my girls. Much cake, streamers and games. Tough surgery schedule for the next three days. One of the vasculars has flu and I'm on an extra day. Gordon."**

**Louisa stayed up late hoping a message would arrive, but she will not respond until the next morning, She cannot break the spell.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A Solicitor Calls**

**Louisa is able to hide her pregnancy with loose jumpers and full skirts through February, although she often sees teachers, particularly those with children, look knowingly at her. On the second Friday of March, she asks the staff to meet her in the cafeteria after school. Most of them likely know the purpose of the meeting, but they say nothing. Blushing and sputtering, she tells them that she is pregnant, and they actually applaud. Louisa is grateful for their response, and they assure her she will have their full support and help. She could not ask for better colleagues or friends. **

**On Monday morning, Louisa wishes she could tell Gordon about the Friday get together and her pregnancy. But she is so angry and sad about what occurred over the weekend that she can only write: "Brilliant weekend in Portwenn. Flowers already blooming on the sunny hills. Long walk on Sunday to relax. Louisa."**

**Her sadness and anger arose from a meeting she had on Saturday in Portwenn. She had phoned Martin two weeks ago with the intent of seeing him in London to tell him about the pregnancy. After a strained few minutes, Martin says he is very busy and does not have time to meet her. Plunging forward, she tells Martin that she is pregnant. Not certain if he is in shock or only thinking of how to respond, Louisa says his name twice to ensure he is still on the line. Finally, he asks if she is certain about the pregnancy as they had used condoms. **

"**Yes, I am sure, Martin. I don't know why the condoms failed, but they did. You fathered the baby, but I expect nothing from you. My staff has to be told, and I know word will get to you one way or the other. You should hear this from me and not from someone in Portwenn. I wanted to tell you in person but do imagine that you are busy getting settled in London and with your new job. Should I tell your Aunt Joan before she hears it from village gossips?" **

**Martin's only responds that he will phone his Aunt Joan, and Louisa need not do so. Trying to talk more about the pregnancy, Louisa asks if he wants details about the baby as her pregnancy progresses. Saying "that's not necessary," Louisa has the sad realization that Martin has no interest in the baby. She will, of course, let him know when the baby is born. Perhaps, he will have more interest when the child is actually a reality. She ends the conversation saying "thank you, Martin." Certainly no thanks were needed for anything Martin said, and Louisa wonders if she was thanking Martin for the baby. **

**A few days following her talk with Martin, Louisa receives a call at school from his solicitor, Calvin Nothquitt. He tries to be very cheery but is only terribly condescending before stating the reason for his call. His client, Dr. Martin Ellingham, contacted him about a paternity issue. Louisa assures him that while Dr. Ellingham fathered the child she is expecting, there will be no paternity claim. After talking with Dr. Ellingham, she understands his wish not to be involved in the pregnancy or with the child.**

**Mr. Nothquitt persists. He understands that she met a solicitor from his firm, Jack Monahan. Louisa tries to recall who that might be and can only think to ask: "Is he the one with the terrier?" That causes Mr. Nothquitt to stammer, and she overhears him ask: "Do you have a terrier?" Obviously, Jack Monahan is in the office with him, a fact that greatly annoys Louisa. **

"**Yes, he does have a terrier. Mr. Monahan said he met you in London last October with Dr. Ellingham. I would like to send him to Portwenn to address this matter with you." **

"**There really is no need for that. But thank you for your call. I've a board of governors meeting in five minutes that I do not wish to miss." Of course, this is a fiction, she just wants to use the loo. More than that, she wants to end the whole unpleasant business with Martin. **

**On Saturday morning, Louisa returns from the grocers to see Jack Monahan standing in front of her cottage. This time he wears not jeans and a jumper but a full London solicitor suit and is carrying a large leather case. He smiles as she approaches and Louisa asks: "Did you bring the bloody dog with you?" **

"**No, but I would love a cup of tea." Still the chat thinks Louisa.**

**He follows her into her cottage which she thankfully picked up that morning. Louisa turns on the kettle and puts away the groceries while asking Jack about the weather in London. Sitting in the armchair Martin favoured on his few visits to the cottage, he nervously fidgets with his BlackBerry while waiting for Louisa. After handing him a cup of tea, she smiles encouragingly at him to begin. **

**Reciting a somewhat legalistic reason for his visit, Jack refers to Martin as "the client" and to her as "Miss Glasson." Louisa suspects this is to show that "the client" has money to hire an expensive London firm, while "Miss Glasson" is a pregnant teacher at a Cornish primary school with her principal asset being the small cottage in which they are having tea. **

**Among other things, Jack says the client acknowledges paternity of the child and the wishes of Miss Glasson not be involved in the child's life. To this Louisa objects. She did not say the client could not be involved in the child's life, she said that he would have no responsibility for the child. If the client wishes to be involved in the child's life, she would welcome it, as she thinks it would be beneficial to both the child and the client. **

**Jack is busily taking notes and says there must be some misunderstanding. Could Miss Glasson please tell him her position on the matter. Louisa calmly replies that she is grateful that the client has acknowledged paternity of the child, but she does not expect him to have any financial responsibility for the child. Any relationship he wishes to have with the child would be appreciated by her and the child.**

**You are saying then that the client may be involved in the child's life? "Yes," she responds. Does she expect any financial help from the client? "No." Portwenn is a fairly inexpensive place to live, and her salary is more than adequate to provide for her and the child. **

**Does she realize how expensive it is to educate a child? "Yes." She paid for her education 15 years ago, and she has an idea of the current cost. Although she expects it will be higher when the child is ready for university. She will have nearly 20 years to save for that education and grants are available as well. More questions are asked, and Louisa responds with the facts she has gathered about supporting a child financially and emotionally. The latter is not part of the client's consideration. **

**Jack asks if he may step outside and phone Mr. Nothquitt. "Of course." Then Louisa suggests that if the client is not already waiting in Mr. Nothquitt's office, Jack conference him into the call.**

**Minutes later Jack returns and presses the speaker button on his mobile. Again, she hears the overly-solicitous voice of Calvin Nothquitt thanking her for taking the time to meet with Mr. Monahan and expressing her opinions on the matter. The client is in the office with Mr. Nothquitt, and he asks that Miss Glasson repeat her position on the paternity matter. **

**Louisa has been taken over the coals by bureaucrats at the education office, but none as unctuous as Calvin Nothquitt. However, she can manage him and takes a deep breath: "Good afternoon Mr. Nothquitt and Martin." Bloody hell if she is going to call him "the client" and he better not refer to her as "Miss Glasson." Martin says only "Louisa."**

**continued...**


	11. Chapter 11

**A Brilliant Invention**

"**What are you doing for fun, Gordon?"**

**Laughing, Gordon says: "Gwynn, I got through the psych classes in med school and know what you're doing. I'm having fun with the girls and they're doing well. Other than having post-op rounds run late and this miserable rain I'm driving through, I'm a very happy man." **

**Every week or so Gordon talks to the therapist Evelyn, and eventually Charlotte, saw after Cecily left them. Months ago she told him there was no longer a need to meet with the girls, but Gwynn wants to chat with Gordon to make sure he hasn't spotted any unusual behaviour. Gordon refused to see a therapist after the marriage counselor told him he was selfish for not giving Cecily more space. By space he meant that Cecily and Gordon would remain married while Cecily continued her affair with the architect. Gwynn sends him a monthly bill for the telephone sessions and both understand that the calls are more about Gordon than Charlotte and Evelyn.**

"**What are you doing for the Easter holiday?"**

"**Going to my sister's house in Warwickshire so we can visit my mum. At Christmas, she was in and out of lucidity, and my sister said she is slipping again. I'll relieve Margaret for a bit so she can have the holiday with her family and the girls."**

"**When was the last time you went away by yourself Gordon?"**

"**Probably a conference last year. It was just after Cecily moved in with the architect, so I was in a fantastic mood. Really enjoyed myself."**

"**Sarcasm does not become you, Gordon, and you should be careful around the girls."**

"**I assure you that I never say anything sarcastic about their mother or her lover within earshot of my daughters. They only see the jolly side of me. I save my sarcasm for you and my secretary. As a matter of fact, I'll be at a conference in two weeks and will see several friends from med school. That'll give me a chance to work out the sarcasm. You know how it is when old friends get together. Each will be trying to figure out who is getting ahead faster and what to do to thwart it. Many opportunities for sarcasm."**

"**Where's the conference?"**

"**Some place in Plymouth. I'll be on a panel the first morning, have dinner with med school friends that night and leave the next afternoon."**

"**Why don't you take an extra day. Do nothing, just walk about the harbor. Plymouth is an interesting place."**

"**Well there's the matter of two little girls being left alone in a London townhouse if I've not returned when their grandparents leave."**

"**You know Jim and Lorna will stay an extra day. They'd stay the week if you wanted. They are so good for the girls even if their mother isn't."**

"**Gwynn, I've finally gotten home. It's been good talking to you. I'm tired and want to send an email before falling over. Truly, I don't need a day away. I'm fine."**

"**Skip the email and go to bed. It can wait until the morning."**

**"Well, actually, it can't."**

"**Gordon, if you're using email, it can't be a matter of life or death. It can wait."**

"**Really, it'll only take a minute. It's important."**

"**To whom?"**

**Right, thinks Gordon. To whom? Certainly to him for reasons he can't understand and surely can't explain to Gwynn. The problem is he isn't certain if their exchanges mean anything to Louisa or if she is being kind and treating them like any other mildly interesting form of spam that appears in her inbox. "Um, Gwynn, do you have a few more minutes?"**

"**Yes, the kiddies are in bed, and my husband is nodding off with his BlackBerry. Tell me about this email business."**

**Gordon exhales loudly and provides a very abbreviated version of the incident at St. Thomas's, the nighttime drive to Cornwall and his ongoing exchange of emails with Louisa whom he refers to as "this woman." He cannot explain how their "early morning, late night, only on weekdays" pattern developed. Recently, he's been thinking of this woman a good deal and is not sure what's to be done. Silly though it seems, he has come to rely on these emails to start his day and looks forward to sending a message to her each weeknight. He describes the typical content, and Gwynn agrees that it is a habit, but a nice habit, he and this woman have developed.**

**Gwynn asks if he is experiencing romantic feelings about this woman, or if he thinks of her as someone he would like to have as a friend, or is she simply someone with whom he can banter like his secretary, Amelia. How does he feel about this woman?**

**Gordon hesitates more than needed and finally mumbles: "romantic." Then he explains the woman's relationship with a surgeon he and Cecily worked for at St. Thomas's. It seems from her emails that she's no longer involved with the man, but he hasn't asked as it could be painful for her to discuss. Besides, their exchanges have been fairly impersonal, and he doesn't know how to bring up the matter.**

"**Call her. Take your phone, enter her number and when she answers say: 'hello.'"**

"**Bit of a problem there. I don't have her phone number."**

"**Gordon, there's this brilliant invention called the internet. I think you can find anyone's telephone number, even the Queen's. If you want to be even more brilliant, you might ask for her number."**

"**So you think I should call her, not just send her an email?"**

"**Email is for hiding. If you want to know how this woman feels, you must talk to her. The voice reveals much more than the most clever email message."**

"**What if she tells me to sod off and never to contact her again by phone, email or carrier pigeon?"**

"**Well that would certainly dampen any thought of romance. Perhaps you are more afraid that this woman might not tell you to sod off. She might tell you anything but. Does that concern you?"**

"**No. Of course not."**

"**Gordon, you would scold your daughters for a lie like that."**

"**Right, then. I have some odd attachment to a woman I saw one time when she was in extreme distress. I thought I had an obligation to take her on a five hour car trip because I'd worked for the surgeon who left her alone in London. And to make it worse, the surgeon respects Cecily much more than me and told me on more than one occasion that I'm an ass. **

"**For the last several months I've been exchanging inane messages with this woman, and she has given me no indication that I am anything to her but an early morning giggle. Wouldn't you be the tiniest bit concerned that if you picked up the phone and tried to talk to her she would hang up or, even worse, politely tell you to go away. What would you do Gwynn?"**

"**I'm not here to say what I would do, but to encourage you to do what you want to do. What do you want to do Gordon?"**

"**Let me think about it. I'm too tired to do anything but send her an inane email tonight."**

"**Gordon, send the email and find her phone number. Then go to bed. Everything will be better in the morning."**

**continued...**


	12. Chapter 12

**A Second Psychologist**

**On the last Thursday of February, Martin Ellingham walks from his London flat to a small townhouse tucked in a square filled with medical offices. A placard at the entry identifies the office of Teodora Varga-Nagy, the Hungarian psychologist tasked by Imperial Hospital "to fix Ellingham's problem."**

**Her patient list is extensive but a carefully-guarded secret: royals who fear death, renowned actors whose voices are silenced by stage fright, corporate executives who are unable to board an airplane. All have responded well to her mental ministrations and, some would say, her unorthodox methods. She did not write the book on phobic disorders, but rather dictated it to a series of Oxford graduate students who translated her fractured English into the seminal work on the treatment of phobias.**

**A few months from her 66****th**** birthday, she remains energetic, uncompromising and intensely committed to her patients. Teodora, as most patients eventually call her, is very successful at healing disturbed psyches. **

**Since January, she has met with Martin Ellingham at 10 am each Monday and Thursday for 50 minute sessions. ****It is Dr. Varga-Nagy's policy to serve tea to her patients as this simple courtesy provides many insights. At his first appointment, Dr. Ellingham asked for coffee rather than tea. The assistant declined his request, and Dr. Ellingham refused tea for his next four sessions. At the direction of Teodora, the assistant brought him a cup of tea on his sixth appointment. Then the doctor carefully observed the minutes needed for Dr. Ellingham to drink from the cup. Usually, patients would have the first sip of tea after 10 minutes, indicating they were becoming comfortable with Teodora and lowering their guard a bit.**

**Dr. Ellingham did not drink tea during that meeting or for the subsequent five sessions. In the 34****th**** minute of this, his eleventh appointment, he lifts the tea cup but does not drink until the 35****th**** minute. This is after telling Teodora about his Aunt Joan and Uncle Phil. **

**In the previous session, Teodora prised from Dr. Ellingham information about his parents. It was a battle of wills with him initially refusing to tell her more than: "My father was a surgeon, my mother had lunch with the wives of other surgeons. I had a nanny for five years and was then sent to boarding school. They divorced recently. My mother lives in Portugal and my father in London. I've seen them only once in the last ten years."**

**After more prodding, Teodora found he had no siblings, no cousins, no other relatives except a paternal aunt who lives on a farm in Cornwall. Her husband's death several years ago precipitated another falling out with his parents. Dr. Ellingham spent childhood summers and several school holidays at his aunt's farm. While a GP in Cornwall, he did see his aunt and tried to provide financial assistance to her.**

**He has one goddaughter but is not close to her. When he and the girl's parents lived in London, he would see them at Christmas and on birthdays. Now, he sees the goddaughter on her birthday and her siblings on theirs. Only after the girl's mother assured him that the godmother would be solely responsible for the child did he agree to act as the godfather. This is more of an honorary title than an expectation that he would have any parental role should something happen to the goddaughter's parents. **

**Why did he agree to become the girl's godfather, Teodora wanted to know. It was only then that Martin revealed that the girl is the daughter of Chris Parsons. He had discussed his relationship with Chris in earlier meetings. However, it was done within the context of how haemophobia affected his career and his re-training as a GP. In those discussions, Martin did not mention the length and depth of his relationship with Chris and Susan Parsons. To Teodora, he characterized Chris as a med school acquaintance who, as head of a PCT, was able to help him find a new career path and GP posting. **

**Teodora gently chided Martin for not providing these details, and he tried to defend himself by saying they were not important. "Oh but they are, Dr. Ellingham. Very important, indeed. If you were asked to be a godfather and spent birthdays and holidays with these people, they were providing friendship and something of a family life for you."**

"**No, they weren't," he insisted.**

**In this current session, Dr. Ellingham gives a hint of caring about, if not loving, his Aunt Joan. He is embarrassed when he talks of his aunt's affair and how he tried to comfort her when she saw her lover leave for the last time. He admits that his aunt provided sage advice for dealing with the denizens of the village where he served as GP and other aspects of his life. Their session is ending, but next time Teodora will explore the "other aspects of his life" where advice from his aunt was needed. **

**She stands to signal an end to the meeting. They will work on sensitization techniques on Monday and talk more about his life on Thursday. As he always does, Dr. Ellingham curtly thanks her and leaves.**

**Hurrying to his office at Imperial Hospital, Martin redoubles his determination to conquer the haemophobia solely through the sensitization methods which have proven to be somewhat successful. The sooner he can end this so-called "talking therapy" with Dr. Varga-Nagy, the better. He longs to return to the order of surgery rather than the chaos awaiting him in the research department. Robert Southwood has imposed this penance of managing a clinical trial in return for his admittance to the surgical theatres of Imperial.**

**By God, he will do it as he always has: through hard work and determination. He will manage the clinical trial no matter how much he hates it. He will conquer his haemophobia and return to surgery. He must do it soon, as Dr. Varga-Nagy is coming uncomfortably close to making him talk about relationships he does not want to discuss. Edith Montgomery can be easily dismissed. Noelle Giffen perhaps not as easily, as he recognizes the somewhat aberrant aspects of their purely sexual encounters. Louisa Glasson he will never mention. Never! There is no need. It is over, resolved, ended. He has left Portwenn and will never see nor hear from her again.**

**By seven that evening, Martin is exhausted. He observed two intense operations mid-day and then spent another two hours on a teleconference with the staff in Basel discussing preliminary data. He has just asked the Imperial statistician to run yet another regression analysis, and she sighed in her usual manner assuring him that the results would not be different. Post-op rounds await him, and he does not relish explaining to patients why he is following them rather than the surgeon who performed their procedures. Without the espresso he sips throughout the day, he could not continue. He is simply that tired - perhaps more fed up than tired - but he will soldier on. **

**As he is walking through the areaway between the research facility and hospital, his mobile rings. He pulls it impatiently from his pocket and nearly bellows: "Ellingham." **

**"Martin, good evening. This is Louisa, Louisa Glasson. Could we talk for just a moment, please?"**

**He cannot speak and has stopped walking. He presses his hand against a wall to steady himself, and he can feel his pulse quicken and his blood pressure rise. Nearly staggering to a bench, he recovers enough to utter: "Yes."**

**She then asks it she could see him in London this weekend - just for a short time, perhaps 15 minutes. Could they meet for coffee, possibly near Paddington Station or any other place he might suggest?**

**First surprised by her call and then confused as to why she wants to see him, he can only say: "No, I'm much too busy. Why is it that you are calling me? I've left Portwenn and am no longer treating patients there."**

**"Yes, Martin, I realize that you've left Portwenn. However, I need to discuss a matter with you. It is quite complicated, and I thought it better if we met in person rather than telling you by phone."**

**"I've no time to discuss anything with you. Telephone will have to to. Now what is it?"**

**"Martin, I'm pregnant."**

**It is fortunate that he is sitting on the bench, as the breath is taken from his lungs by this announcement. He says nothing because he really cannot speak or perhaps even move.**

**After a minute or so, she asks: "Martin, are you there?" Another minute passes and she repeats: "Martin, Martin, you seem to be on the line. Can you let me know if you are there."**

**Finally, he says: "That's impossible. We used condoms. When is the baby due?"**

**She then tells him that the condoms must have failed as she is pregnant and the baby is due the second week of July. She will not hold him responsible for the baby in any way. She only wanted to tell him before villagers started to gossip about it. Should she call his Aunt Joan to let her know?**

**His Aunt Joan, God no! It is one thing for the cretins of Portwenn to know what he has done but Aunt Joan. "No, that's not necessary. I will talk to my aunt."**

**"Martin, I know this is difficult but if you want any information about the baby - as the pregnancy progresses, I could send it to you. You may be interested from a medical standpoint."**

**"No. That's not necessary."**

**"I will, of course, let you know when the baby is born. If you want to see the baby or know anything more that would be good. It would be good for the baby as well as you, Martin."**

**"No. None of this is necessry."**

**"Well, then Martin, please call me if you later want to know about the child. Thank you, Martin."**

**"Yes."**

**After taking deep breaths to normalize his pulse rate and blood pressure, Martin Ellingham stands and continues to the surgical wing. He tries to think about the phone call from her and what she said, but it is so surreal that he is not certain it actually happened. She is pregnant. They used condoms, but she is pregnant. He remembers once telling her that she would make a lovely mother. She will. Then he wipes his cheeks before he steps into the vascular surgical ward for post-op rounds.**

**continued...**


	13. Chapter 13

**A Lunch Invitation**

**Among Louisa's early morning emails is one from Jack Monahan saying he is sending several documents to her by overnight parcel. It has been a few weeks since Jack's visit to Portwenn and the phone conversation with Martin and Calvin Nothquitt. She has heard nothing more from Martin, and she fears that the "paternity matter" has been turned over to his solicitor. Perhaps after Martin has thought more about the baby, he will talk with her rather than through Jack Monahan or Calvin Nothquitt. **

**Martin did talk to his Aunt Joan, and she is over-the-moon at becoming a great-aunt. Joan has offered any manner of help to Louisa, and she is grateful for Joan's kindness. **

**Back to her emails, she is cheered a bit to read this from Gordon: "Will be in Plymouth for a conference on 6 and 7 April. Could you come over for lunch on the 7****th****?" Just as she it about to respond: "of course," the fantasy comes crashing down about her. What could she be thinking? They have gotten into the habit of these short cheerful exchanges, and Louisa appearing for lunch in all her pregnant glory would likely appall Gordon. **

**She can easily avoid the lunch and sends a different response than she would like: "Will have to check that day as April is a busy month with testing, etc. Louisa." When she returns to her office mid-morning, she sees a message from Gordon: "Is your schedule open on April 7****th****?" Parents are waiting outside her office, and she will have to think of how to wiggle out of the lunch.**

**After meeting with three parents about three unruly Grade 4 boys, Louisa teaches her Grade 6 maths class and notes that several of the students who had difficulty last week have improved today. As they finish, she exclaims: "Brilliant work! You'll soon be ready for tests."**

**Back in her office, Sally hands her three phone messages, including one from Gordon Day. Sally does ask: "Who is phoning you from London?" Louisa furrows her brow: "Probably someone who wants to sell us the latest educational program. He must be new and not been told that we have no money at Portwenn Primary." **

"**Do you want me to call him?" **

"**No. Maybe I can talk him into sending us some free books or supplies." **

**Louisa returns the other two calls while checking for an email from Gordon, but there is none. School will be over in an hour and Louisa can call him from her mobile. She dare not do it now as pupils and staff wander in and out of her office at will. Damn her "open door" policy.**

**When Sally pokes her head in to say goodnight, Louisa almost tiptoes to the door and closes it firmly. She enters Gordon's number on her mobile and is immediately connected to an answerphone. Feeling bad about turning down his invitation in a phone message, she says nothing. She'll ring him later this evening. Yawning, Louisa packs her computer case with work she can do at home after a nap."**

**Minutes after arriving home, her mobile rings. She answers as she always does: "Louisa Glasson," and a voice she barely recognizes responds: "Gordon Day." She laughs as does he. Louisa apologizes for not leaving a message earlier but she thought he might be in surgery or a class. A little of both he says. He was teaching a surgery class. **

**"What are you doing?" Before she can think, Louisa responds that she is about to take a nap. "Can't be. I thought you were the overworked head of school," he teases. "How do you have time for a nap?' They go back and forth a bit with the lighthearted chitchat they use in their emails. Gordon finally asks: "Were you able to clear your schedule for April 7?" **

"**Well, it might be a problem that day?" **

"**Then what about April 6? My panel goes until half one, but we could have a late lunch. Or I could forego the dinner and see you in the evening." **

"**April 6 is not good either."**

"**I see."**

**From his tone, Louisa can sense that he is as disappointed as she feels. But she really can't do it. This is going to end their email exchanges, and Louisa is very sad at the thought of nothing to look forward to each morning.**

**Before she can speak, he continues: "Louisa, I would like to see you. I can drive over to Portwenn if you can't get to Plymouth. It only takes about an hour and half."**

**God no, she thinks. He cannot come to Portwenn. "No, you don't have to come here. I'll meet you in Plymouth on April 7." **

"**Good. I arrive late on the 5****th**** and my talk is on the morning of the 6****th****. I'm meeting people from Plymouth that evening for dinner, and they'll know a nearby restaurant. I'll ring you Thursday evening and give you the details."**

"**Right then. It will be good to see you again." **

"**It will be very good to see you Louisa. Good night."**

**Wait until he sees me, thinks Louisa. A pudgy, pregnant schoolteacher who wants to do nothing but sleep and visit the loo.**

**continued. . . .**


	14. Chapter 14

**A Catch-Up with Friends**

**Throughout her pregnancy, Louisa has been able to arrange her ante-natal appointments in Truro on either Saturday or after school. Initially she was concerned that Stu MacKenzie would object to her taking time away from her duties, but now she's determined that her pregnancy not interfere with work.**

**She could invent a doctor's appointment in Truro, but instead tells the staff the truth: she is meeting a friend for lunch in Plymouth. The teachers are pleased and assure her that everything will go well in her absence. No one suspects that the friend is anyone but a woman. What pregnant woman – particularly one who is not married – would be meeting a man for lunch? **

**On Thursday evening, Gordon rings her from Plymouth with the name and location of the restaurant where they'll meet the next day. When she comments on the noise in the background, Gordon reminds her that he is at the med school dinner and stepped outside to phone her before he drank too much and forgot about her completely. Laughing Louisa responds: "I could never be that lucky!" Gordon rings off with a smile on his face appreciating her bit of sarcasm. **

**When he rejoins the St. Mary's group, they are toasting the newborn son of Chris Parsons. Mickey Conroy calls out: "Bloody hell, Chris, you named the baby after Ellingham!" Gordon turns and asks: "What's that?" "Oh, the baby's name is John Martin Parsons. Should be Ellingham naming his baby after Parsons considering all Chris did to save his arse when he developed haemophobia. But how likely is it that Ellingham would ever produce a child. He probably hasn't had sex since Edith Montgomery." Several others hear his comment and one groans: "Oh, Montgomery! She could shrivel your bollocks faster than a block of ice." **

**Gordon smiles but says: "Look, Mickey, you might ease up a bit on Ellingham. The poor devil's had a rough time of it. First, the haemophobia and now he's working for that bastard Lieder at Imperial. Southwood is making him manage a clinical trial by way of returning to surgery. None of it's easy."**

"**Christ, Gord, when did you become the apologist for Ellingham? He buggered you at St. Mary's and made you the whipping boy on his team at St. Thomas's – all because of Cecily. You should be happy to see his fall from grace."**

**Mickey's remark about Cecily and Ellingham bothers him enough, that Gordon only shakes his head and walks across the room to offer his congratulations to Chris Parsons. Chris was something of a mentor to Gordon when he was in med school and later at St. Thomas's. He hasn't seen Chris for a few years and has been looking forward to this catch-up. **

**Chris pats him on the back: "Gord, splendid to see you. Really good of you to be on the panel today. How is it being the grey eminence at St. Thomas's?" Gordon and Chris have a brief conversation about his new duties and the frustrations of working with medical students. After touching briefly on his divorce from Cecily, their talk turns to children and the joys of a new baby. **

**Chris mentions that Ellingham was a bit overwhelmed when Susan told him the baby's middle name would be Martin. He'll be in Plymouth in three weeks for the christening and then will be working at the pharmaceutical company in Basel for a few weeks. Good progress is being made with his blood aversion therapy, and he'll likely be able to resume surgery shortly.**

**Not forgetting Gordon's role in the incident at St. Thomas's, Chris remarks that Martin still appreciates his help that night. He's especially grateful that Gordon and Robbie Chambers made certain it did not become the subject of hospital gossip. **

"**Damn shame," Chris continues. "That woman was precisely what Mart needed. Susan and I had lunch with them that weekend, and it was fantastic to see him so relaxed. He's never said why it ended, and probably never will, but it had to be a major blow to lose someone like her. **

"**She's still a lay member of the PCT Board for Cornwall, and I saw her at the January meeting. Of course, I didn't bring up Mart, but she seemed a bit distracted and somewhat sad. She missed the March meeting, but I'll likely see her in June and will let her know we talked. She must be thankful for what you did." **

**Feeling a bit awkward about the discussion of Ellingham and Louisa, Gordon tells Chris they'll chat more at dinner as others are waiting to congratulate him.**

**After dinner and two glasses of wine, Gordon leaves before the port and cigars on the terrace, goes to his room and changes into his running kit. If Gwynn really wants to know what he thinks is fun, it's running. Staying fit is an occupational necessity of surgeons as they see the results of drinking, smoking, bad diet and lack of exercise in many of their patients. Gordon leaves through a side door of the hotel and runs along the footpath to the harbor. A few other runners are out and offer him the slight nod accorded to each other's efforts. **

**Throughout the run, Gordon is distracted by the thought of seeing Louisa tomorrow and how she will react to him. Never known for his looks, his sister recently joked that he still has his hair, teeth and the dimple in his right cheek. These attributes might help Gordon find another woman. **

**His thick brown hair has enough ginger to identify his Scottish ancestry and enough grey to show the stress of his divorce. It is cut short like most surgeons, and his eyes are either hazel or brown depending on the light. Cecily always judged his looks "average" and kept her compliments for his tall, lean runner's body. **

**Holding his mobile, he wants to call Louisa to wish her good night but decides against it. From his talk with Chris Parsons, he isn't sure how she feels about Ellingham. God knows he doesn't want to do anything to upset her now that he has persuaded her to see him tomorrow. **

**In Portwenn, Louisa has washed her hair, used a special facial scrub and done everything she can think of to emphasize anything but her growing middle. Every outfit that fits, including her three new maternity dresses, has been tried on. Well, Gordon will know she is pregnant immediately. At least she'll be comfortable in one of the dresses. **

**She decides on the dark blue knit with a thin red band running around the neckline to below the bust and a triple row of bands at the bottom of the skirt. She is going to wear her hair pulled back and up as Sally told her it makes her pregnancy-swollen face appear thinner. The dress has a slight V neck but she won't wear a necklace – only her pearl earrings, watch and ring from her mother. Simple black flats for comfort and a red cardigan against any breeze complete the outfit. **

**These preparations and the stack of school work she completed earlier this evening have exhausted Louisa. She crawls into bed and tries to find a comfortable position so that sleep will overtake her quickly. Tonight, she will force her worries and concerns about the baby, Martin, her father and the school from her mind. **

**What she cannot force from her mind, try as she might, is Gordon Day. **


	15. Chapter 15

**A Stilted Conversation **

**Louisa slept better than expected and lingers over her breakfast of tea, porridge and an orange. Checking emails, there are several from Sally who is already stressed by not having Louisa in the next room. She sends a supportive response to Sally's routine questions. **

**Another message is from Caroline who has been in Munich with Tom on an extended work assignment. After the London weekend, Caroline was furious with Martin, but Louisa assured her it wasn't Martin's fault. It's only that they aren't right for each other – the classic chalk and cheese trotted out by Joan Norton. Now if Louisa could only convince herself.**

**She saves Gordon's email until last as she does most mornings. It's her reward for pulling herself from sleep and forcing herself to school. "Back from a run along the harbor. Dinner was very nice with much laughter, sarcasm and insults. Daughters are enjoying grandparents as is nanny. Will see you tomorrow at 1 in Plymouth. Gordon"**

**Courage Louisa. One way or the other this is going to be an awkward lunch. After today, there will be no one to make her laugh or forget, if even for a few minutes, the mess she has made of her life. The last thing a busy surgeon with two young girls needs is a pregnant schoolteacher who sends him silly – if cheerful – emails. Feeling somewhat magnanimous, Louisa hopes he finds a lovely woman who will be a great stepmother for his daughters. And, with the baby soon here, Louisa will not have time for silliness. **

**Gordon is late for a conference session on aortofemoral bypass conducted by a surgeon from the University of Uppsala. Since 8 he has been on and off the phone with Amelia trying to manage post-op patients and registrar issues. Amelia reports that he is on the surgery schedule for three days next week as they are still down one vascular. Gordon asks her to shift the late afternoon surgeries to someone else, preferably Manning.**

**Although the topic is of interest and important to Gordon, his mind wanders. He is actually trying to remember what Louisa looks like. Dark hair, maybe blue eyes, especially good figure. He'll be able to recognize her. The thought of her makes him a little anxious, and he forces himself to focus on the speaker.**

**Louisa arrives in Plymouth and drives into a municipal car park near the restaurant. She carefully researched every aspect of the trip as she did not want to arrive too late or be rushed in any way. She checks her hair and makeup in the car mirror, smiles and thinks: "When you come back to this car, you are going to be miserable." **

**Gordon left the session early so that he will arrive at the restaurant before Louisa. Outside the hotel, his mobile rings. It is Richard Mosher, the chief vascular, who demands to know what Gordon is doing about the registrar he tossed out of his operating theatre this morning. This is the first Gordon has heard of it and, before he can respond, the chief orders Gordon and the offending registrar to his office at 2 this afternoon. **

**Gordon explains that he is attending a conference in Plymouth and will not return to London until this evening. Could he meet with the chief at 7 or first thing tomorrow? "No," grumbles Mosher. His wife is hauling him off to a rubbish weekend at someone's ancestral manse. Reminding Gordon that he backed him completely in this new position, Mosher insists that these juniors be trained properly before they step into his theatre. Gordon will see to it. **

**Walking hurriedly to the restaurant, he calls Amelia and asks that she have the unfortunate registrar phone him by 3 today with a full description of what he did to the chief. Amelia laughs and says she'll likely find him hiding in the medical library but he can't escape her. Blast, thinks Gordon. I'm out of town for two days and there's a disaster. Thank God he's seeing Louisa. She'll find something amusing in even this ridiculous cock-up.**

**It's about 10 past 1 when Gordon arrives at the restaurant. He gives his name to the maitre d' who tells him the lady has arrived and leads him to a table overlooking the harbor. When Louisa stands to take his hand, his heart drops. She is pregnant. Of course. That was the reason for the big row with Ellingham. **

**Not knowing what to say, Gordon babbles: "Louisa, so good to see you. Thank you for joining me for lunch. I hear this restaurant is good. Fantastic spot with a harbor view. How was your trip? Any weekend traffic to contend with?" **

**So much for picking up the phone, Gwynn! Clearly, he means so little to Louisa that she couldn't be bothered to mention that she's pregnant. What a bloody fool he's been. No matter, he can get through this lunch quickly and take the first flight back to London. Maybe he can see Mosher before he leaves for the weekend and start smoothing feathers. **

**Louisa is confused by his reaction. Of everything she anticipated from horror ****to laughter, his failure to even acknowledge her pregnancy was not among them. Alright then, she will say nothing either.**

**A waiter quickly appears and asks if they want to order wine with lunch. Louisa smiles at him: "Sorry, no wine for me." Gordon orders tea saying: "I rarely drink at lunch unless it's a special occasion."**

**And this is not a special occasion thinks Louisa. Just lunch with someone you drove home after a bust up with her boyfriend.**

**Without saying anything more, Gordon opens the menu, but can't focus on the print with so many thoughts overwhelming him. Louisa follows his lead and searches for something to eat quickly and then escape. This is even worse than she imagined. **

**Closing the menu, Gordon says he'll have the scallops and asks what Louisa would like. She'll have the sole. When the waiter brings a basket of bread, Gordon says: "We're ready. I'll have the scallops and she will have the sole." The waiter is flustered that they have ordered so soon but hurries away.**

**Gordon takes a long time arranging his napkin and then asks, while looking out the window: "Good trip here? How was the traffic?"**

**Of course, he is uncomfortable and can't remember that he already asked her a version of these questions. Despite his indifference, Louisa is going to try. She does not want his last memory of her to be that of a ninny who could only talk about traffic. **

**"The trip was lovely and traffic moved very well. It was a bit chilly, but I had the window open just to feel the breeze. After the winter it was good to smell springtime in the air." Oh, God, she thinks, I am a ninny: who says 'springtime in the air?'**

"**I see."**

"**Yes."**

"**Well, then, how're things at school?"**

"**We're preparing for testing and the extra maths classes I told you about seem to be making a difference. Our Grade 6 always scores above grade level, and I think every class will reach goal this year. How is Evelyn enjoying kindergarten?" **

**Still not looking at her, Gordon responds: "Seems to like it."**

"**Kindergarten is such an important time. My first year of teacher training, I was assigned to a Grade 1 class at a school in New Cross. The kindergarten children came in several days a week for joint art and music classes and they were so sweet. It's a great age." **

"**Yes, it is."**

**Louisa inwardly sighs but continues on with the stilted conversation. "Seems as if you had a good time last night and then the run afterward. How far was it you went?"**

"**Didn't really time it."**

"**Don't you usually try to run for an hour or so in London? Maybe three times a week? I seem to recall that you don't run more because you are concerned about shin splints."**

"**Yes."**

"**So last night, you probably ran for an hour which means you could probably run again on Sunday in London. Do you think you'll have a run on Sunday?" **

**Why am I trying so hard with Gordon, she thinks. He just wants me to shut up so that he may leave as quickly as possible. His next answer confirms her assumption.**

"**No."**

**Now she has become a magpie and cannot stop quizzing him: "Oh, does one of your daughters have a birthday party? Is it Charlotte or Evelyn? Do you still have the box of presents at the ready?"**

"**No, neither has a party."**

"**Are you doing something with the girls and their grandparents? Maybe going to a park or something else?" **

**How long can she keep this up? The minute the meal arrives, she can stop talking eat quickly, thank him for lunch and return to Portwenn before school is over. She'll talk to Sally to make sure there were no problems today and call Stu MacKenzie with some good news, any good news, about the school. How could she be so stupid to think Gordon was being anything but polite to her. But then how could she be so stupid not to tell him she is pregnant. **

**Then the waiter appears with their meals. Both smile and Gordon tersely thanks the waiter.**

**Slowly they push the food around their plates. She breaks the silence first and asks if he likes the scallops and then he asks if she likes the sole. He still will not look at her, but continues to glance out the window and eat quickly. His plate is nearly empty when both hear a slight buzz . Gordon takes a mobile from his pocket, mumbles "Excuse me" and leaves the table. **

**Continued….**


	16. Chapter 16

**A Walk after Lunch**

**It is the unfortunate registrar calling, and he quickly explains that the chief did not approve of his tying techniques and ordered him from the theatre. Gordon is annoyed as this is a needless criticism and something bullying surgeons do when they are in a foul mood. They will meet in the morning to discuss how to placate and apologize to Mosher. **

**Rather than return to Louisa, Gordon idly scrolls through his emails trying to collect himself. He recalls that wretched evening Cecily took him to dinner after a long day of surgery for both. Charlotte was nearly seven months old and they hadn't made love since before her birth. Cecily had been very distant, and he was concerned about post-partum depression. She always said she was fine but had little interest in the baby, Evelyn or Gordon. That night she was more like herself, and he hurried through the meal so they could get home and perhaps have sex. **

**Instead, she told him that she was not pleased with their marriage and wanted him to talk with her and a counselor. He tried to protest until she added that she had been "seeing" someone else. Gordon was to meet with the counselor to understand how he had failed her. Cecily assured him that she had not been happy for quite some time, but that he was too oblivious to notice. **

**Now, he's been oblivious with another woman. He'll rejoin her to say good bye and that will be the end of it. Closing his eyes for just a minute, he opens them to find Louisa walking toward him. He quickly stands: "Sorry, bit of a problem at hospital."**

"**That's fine. I'm only going to the loo. I finished lunch and it seemed you had as well. I've taken care of the bill and will be right with you."**

"**Louisa, this was to be my treat." Pulling a wallet from his jacket pocket, Gordon starts removing pound notes.**

"**Really, Gordon, stop it. Please wait for me, just for a minute." **

**Returning from the loo, Louisa pulls on her cardigan and Gordon instinctively reaches to help her. As he does, his arm grazes her breast, but both ignore it. They leave the restaurant and Gordon asks where she has left her car. It is round the next street, but she may have a walk before the trip back to Portwenn. She is about to tell Gordon good bye when he asks: "May I walk with you?" He has to say something to her and, perhaps if they walk together, he will be able to compose himself.**

**Making an effort not to touch her arm or take her hand, Gordon walks along side Louisa in silence. At the end of the next block, there are two stone buildings around a courtyard with benches. Gordon says: "Let's go over there." Louisa follows him and quietly sits on a bench facing the harbor. Gordon sits on a bench opposite her, looks about, exhales deeply and asks: "Louisa, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" **

**She is relieved, but only murmurs: "I was afraid." **

"**What was that?"**

"**I was afraid to tell you I was pregnant."**

"**Why? Did you think I would be like Ellingham and walk away from you? That's what he did isn't it? Walked away from you – that's why you had the big argument St. Thomas's – about the pregnancy."**

"**No! It wasn't that at all. Martin didn't know I was pregnant that afternoon – neither of us knew. It happened that weekend, but we never thought of a pregnancy.**

"**That Sunday afternoon, he told me he was to having an interview the next day with a research group at Imperial Hospital and then meetings with doctors who had great success in treating phobic disorders. He hoped to overcome his haemophobia and resume his surgical career. **

"**I became angry because I couldn't understand why he hadn't told me about the meetings or the interview earlier or that he'd likely be returning to London. Many other things happened that weekend that made me very insecure about myself as well as Martin. It all came to the fore, and he left me so that I could take a taxi to the train station. I had asked him to leave, and it wasn't his fault that I had the reaction you unfortunately saw. **

"**Back in Portwenn, I made certain not to see Martin, and we had no contact until recently. Several weeks later, his aunt told me that he had taken a post in London and was leaving the practice. A locum took over for a few months, and a new GP will soon be in place. **

"**Because we used contraception in London, I didn't think of a pregnancy and put my illness down to winter doldrums or flu. My symptoms were making it obvious, so I finally took a test, and it was positive."**

**"Did you tell Martin?"**

"**Not then. He made it clear to me in London that he did not love me. The last thing he told me was that people I loved left me, and it seemed he was about to leave me as well."**

**Gordon grimaces and Louisa nods ruefully at him but continues.**

"**Still hurt by this, I was determined not to bother him with the baby. When I told Bert Large, an old friend in Portwenn, he urged me to phone Martin before people in the village learned of it and he found out secondhand. It would have hurt Martin, and I had no wish to do that. **

**"I phoned him at the end of my first trimester with the idea of meeting him in London to discuss the pregnancy. He did not have time to meet with me, so I had to tell him by phone. I'm sure he was shocked by the news and said little.**

"**A few days later, I was contacted by his solicitor who sent someone from his firm to see me in Portwenn. I have been going back and forth with them since. Martin acknowledges paternity and wants to provide financially for the baby. As of yet, he doesn't want to see the baby or be involved in any way beyond financial. It makes me very sad for both Martin and the baby."**

**Gordon feels sad for all three of them, even Ellingham, who is not a bad sort and would likely be a decent father. When his friends and colleagues began having babies, most were very nonchalant during the pregnancy and insisted it was all their wife's doing. Given a choice, none of them would be hampered by a child.**

**One by one they became completely gobsmacked by their babies. Men he never saw without a drink in their hand pushed prams, and the laziest among them insisted on giving the 3 am feedings. Even with all the tedium, drudgery and need for endless patience, Gordon loves being a father. He should feel sad for Cecily as well because she does not love being a mother.**

**continued...**


	17. Chapter 17

**A Strong Reaction **

"**Look, Louisa, Ellingham might not be happy about this baby, but I am. Mostly I'm happy for you. You'll be a good mother because you're a good person, a kind woman. This may sound foolish, but I couldn't have endured the last few months without those emails from you. The divorce shattered me. Then having Cecily leave our daughters - those dear little girls who love her so much. It was horrible, horrible, truly horrible. **

"**I was trying so to be both mother and father to them that I forgot about myself. Everything was centered around them - even they were becoming sick of me. Finally, their therapist told me I had to start working on what she so grandly called 'the next chapter of my life.'**

"**Instead of a next chapter, I wanted to wallow in what I thought Cecily had done to me, and immerse myself in their lives. That night I drove you from London to Portwenn brought me back to reality. When we started to exchange those emails, I felt like myself again. Someone found me witty and interesting - that is, if you actually found me such."**

"**Yes, Gordon, you were both. You gave those insights into patients, the girls' lives and then what you saw on your nighttime runs and even the M&M conferences. I couldn't wait until morning to read your thoughts from the night before. That's why I didn't tell you I was pregnant - I was afraid you would stop the emails. And they were the one thing that helped me drag my fat, pregnant self out of bed each morning."**

"**You're not fat, Louisa, you're beautiful. All pregnant women are supposed to be beautiful, but you truly are. You're also funny, smart and a bit sarcastic about those damn documentaries. When you would describe what you did in the village for people, the substance, your language, it was all so – well – beautiful. No one in London seems to care about anyone, but you think about everyone in that village."**

**Louisa is astonished to hear that Gordon did not find her messages silly or meaningless – they actually meant something to him just as his messages meant something to her. Hearing him say she is beautiful makes her realize that no one has said that since Martin so many months ago in Portwenn. **

**He never said it in London. Not even in the throes of passion did Martin say anything more than her name. There were few compliments, no comments about her body, and, of course, the final blow when he could not say he loved her because he so obviously did not. Then, why, why, why can't she be done with him and start the next chapter of her life? What is it about that infuriating man that she can't stop caring about?**

"**Oh, Gordon, I've been so engrossed with this baby and my uncertainty about Martin, that I've forgotten about myself too. That's what you did for me as well. Made me realize that I wouldn't always be pregnant, alone and frightened witless because I would soon be responsible for both myself and a tiny baby."**

"**Then, Louisa, what are we going to do about it?" After saying this Gordon stands and walks the short distance to Louisa's bench and sits next to her. He tilts his head and gives her a quizzical look. When she does not respond Gordon drops his head and says: "I see. Nothing's to be done about it because Ellingham is still what you want." **

"**Gordon, will you please kiss me."**

"**Why? Is this some sort of test to see if you have a reaction to me? Is this how you decide?"**

"**No, it's not a test. I just want you to kiss me. Every morning I would read those late night emails from you and think they were like a little kiss to wish me well for the day, to get me through the day. Of course, I'm a bit mad now - awash in pregnancy hormones, but I had this…"**

**Before she can finish, Gordon slips his arm around her shoulder and gives her a very sweet, soft kiss, and kisses her lightly again. "Is this what you wanted?" Louisa shakes her head and looks at him until he kisses her again.**

**This time his hand moves to the back of her neck, and he pulls her to him in a very fervent kiss. Louisa returns the kiss and reaches about for Gordon's other hand which she holds in her two hands. She is lost in the ever-deepening kiss and she tightens her grasp on his hand. **

**Finally, they break apart for a second before Gordon wraps his arms around her and kisses her again. She really isn't thinking anything but reacting to him and how her body feels. When he finally pulls away from her, they are gasping and staring into each other's eyes. Gordon catches his breath and asks what she expected: "Any reaction, Louisa?" Her mouth tingles from the kisses, but she is able to smile and say: "Yes, I had a reaction to you, Gordon." **

**Much more is said by Louisa about the baby, how things will change, her uncertainty about Martin, her responsibility to make sure the child has a good relationship with the father, and her utter and complete inability to make sense of anything happening to her at the moment. **

**Gordon does not need her as he has enough to muck up his life now. She will always be grateful for his help to her and that includes the charming messages and their funny phone conversations.**

** She hopes only the best for him: that he meet a wonderful woman who will be a good stepmother to his daughters. He has been so very kind and a good friend. She will let him know when the baby is born and hopes that one day she will visit London so that he may see her child and she can meet his daughters. **

**During her long, confusing recital, Gordon looks at her, sometimes nodding, sometimes with a wry grin, sometimes wrinkling his brow. Gone is the earlier anger and disappointment he felt when he saw she was pregnant. Instead, he is captivated, once again, by this woman who is trying to be rid of him with every hackneyed thought from every overwrought romance film made in the last 20 years. When she finally stops talking, he says nothing because he isn't certain if she actually has stopped. **

"**Gordon, did you hear me? Do you understand what I'm saying? I can't be in touch with you any more. I'm going to lead my life and you will lead your life."**

**At her last words, Gordon laughs. It is not a short chuckle but a full-throated laugh which takes both of them by surprise. "Gordon!" exclaims Louisa.**

"**Look, Louisa, you can say anything you want and go on in any manner. The simple fact is you reacted to me, and I most certainly reacted to you. I'm not getting out of your life until you tell me to get out of your life. Do you want me out of your life?"**

"**No."**

"**Do you mean 'no,' not at the moment or forever?"**

**Chewing her lip, Louisa responds: "I don't know."**

**"Fine. You know where to find me."**

**With that he stands, pulls Louisa to her feet and leans in as close as he can and gives her the same very sweet soft kiss that made them both realize they did mean something to each other. Then he walks through the courtyard and does what Louisa expected: turns and smiles before he leaves her sight. **

**Louisa slowly walks to the car park in a bit of a blur. As she enters her car, she is not miserable as she predicted but very thoughtful and somewhat happy.**

**continued...**


	18. Chapter 18

**A Game Ends**

**Three weeks later Martin Ellingham is very pleased with himself as he walks to the office of Dr. Varga-Nagy. He has unraveled the mystery of how to best this insufferable woman. By accepting tea from her simpering assistant and sipping it throughout the session, he thinks the doctor asks fewer intrusive questions. Those she asks, he readily answers with as much information as he wishes to give.**

**In the last several appointments they have discussed both Edith Montgomery and Noelle Giffen. Edith took much more time than expected while Noelle took considerably less. Last session, Teodora explored why he was attracted to these cold, distant women who are so like his mother. However, she did not exhaust the subject.**

**Today, Martin expects the doctor may want to renew the conversation, and he can easily manage that. No more questions will need answers after this, and Martin will ask that they focus on sensory techniques so that he can return to surgery and escape the research hell of Imperial.**

**In her office Teodora is preparing to meet with the enigmatic Dr. Ellingham. He continues to pretend that he is immune to emotions, but he would not have developed haemophobia if this were the case. It has been four months, and now is the time to begin the serious work of curing him. **

**As Martin enters her office, cup of tea in hand, Dr. Varga-Nagy greets him pleasantly and indicates a chair. Then she asks "What do you do for fun, Dr. Ellingham?" He almost jumps from the chair he has just taken at the absurdity of her question. Of all the ridiculous things this madwoman has asked, this is certainly singular among them.**

**Supressing his ire, he cautiously asks: "What do you mean?"**

"**Fun, Dr. Ellingham, fun. The weekend is soon upon us. What will you be doing? Playing tennis, attending a concert, having a ramble in the countryside. What will you be doing this weekend for fun?"**

**Her question could not have come at a better time for this is the weekend Martin will travel to Plymouth for the christening of Susan and Chris Parsons' new baby. He somewhat smugly responds: "As a matter of fact, I will be seeing friends in Plymouth this weekend." **

"**Who are these friends?"**

**Relief again. They fully discussed the Parsons while talking about his goddaughter, Jill. "They are the parents of my goddaughter. They've just had another baby, and the christening is on Sunday."**

"**I see. Have they asked you to be this baby's godfather?"**

"**No, no. I'm not sure who will be the godfather. Possibly his brother or perhaps a cousin. I haven't actually asked them."**

"**You do know if the baby is a boy or a girl?  
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**Another stupid question. "Of course I know. It's a boy. They called me the day he was born to say they were going to. . ." And then he stops and clenches his hands together and takes a deep breath.**

"**What were they going to do, Dr. Ellingham?"**

**He cannot say it. When Susan and Chris told him they were naming the baby after him, he was stunned by his reaction. It was fortunate that they were on the phone and could not see the tears forming in his eyes or his suddenly ashen pallor. He was finally able to ask: "Are you sure? I haven't added much luster to that name recently."**

"**Now with this interfering doctor, he only says: "Nothing. It doesn't matter."**

"**Everything matters, Dr. Ellingham. What were they going to do?"**

**Pulling himself back into control, Martin finally mumbles: "Name the baby after me."**

"**So what then is the baby's name?"**

"**John is his first name and Martin is his middle name. John Martin. But he will be called John, so giving him the middle name of Martin is not important.**

"**Then why did you have an emotional reaction when you tried to tell me about it?"**

"**I do not have emotional reactions!"**

"**Quite right. You haven't had any emotional reactions with me. My poor assistant—well that's another matter. But she is quite used to dealing with angry patients. Your emotion today was not anger, it was sadness. Why are you sad that your friends have named their baby after you. Even if it is a middle name, the child will carry your name."**

"**I am not sad. I am honored, just as I was honored when they asked me to be their daughter's godfather. They are very good people and do kind things."**

"**It may be an honor, but it is one that makes you sad. Are you sad because you don't have a child of your own to carry your name?"**

**His anger can no longer be contained. Martin leaps to his feet and says quite forcefully: "Imperial Hospital is paying you a fortune to cure my haemophobia. Nothing you do or say in these hideous meetings is doing a thing to further that. Stop asking these meaningless questions and address my problem."**

"**Please sit down, Dr. Ellingham. We have been addressing your problem for the last four months. And your outburst proves that we are making progress. We are finally getting to the cause of your haemophobia. I can help you, but we cannot continue to play these games where you must have control of what I say or ask. **

"**Now, are you ready to answer my questions. Or do you wish to pretend that you have no emotions and can cure your illness only through breathing exercises or visits to an abattoir. What do you want Dr. Ellingham?"**

**Martin takes his chair and fixes Dr. Varga-Nagy in a steely gaze: "I want to do surgery. I will answer any questions you ask, no matter how cockamamie. Only cure me so that I can perform surgery again."**

"**Fine. Are you sad because you don't have a child of your own to carry your name?"**

"**No. That is ridiculous. No child needs my name. Had I known these people planned to do that, I would have stopped it. It is unnecessary."**

"**Why do you think they wanted to give the baby your name?"**

**They had some rubbish reason, but I didn't pay much attention. My friend has two brothers and each has four children. Now my friend has four children. Perhaps there are no more family names remaining."**

"**Perhaps they gave your name to the baby because they admire your courage in dealing with haemophobia and all the issues it created in your life. Is that possible?"**

"**No, that's nonsense. They are only being kind to me, particularly the mother. She has always tried to help me."**

"**How so?"**

"**She is also a psychologist – but a child psychologist. For years she urged me to see a therapist because she believes that I am on the Asperger's spectrum. Had I followed her advice, I might have avoided the mess I have today."**

"**What mess is that, Dr Ellingham?"**

"**The haemophobia, of course."**

"**But you are working on resolving that. Is there another mess in your life? What is causing this sadness about a baby's name?"**

**Surprisingly, Martin does not become angry. Instead he stands and asks Dr. Varga-Nagy if he may have some water. She turns in her chair, pours water from a carafe into a glass and hands it to him. This is a ritual she has been through with many patients: they need to think, to buy time, to practice how to answer a difficult question. **

**Saying nothing more, she sits back in her chair and waits for him to return to his. Several minutes later he does. She looks expectantly at him, but he says nothing."**

**More minutes pass until Martin finally begins: "There is a woman. . ." And then he stops.**

**Yes, thinks Teodora, he is ready to tell me about the woman too painful to discuss. For a man of his age and sexual orientation, there is often such a woman. He is either married to her, divorced from her or she bedevils him with her near presence or distant memory. Dr. Ellingham is neither married nor divorced. Who then is this woman?**

**After a bit more silence, Dr. Ellingham begins to tell her about Louisa Glasson, whom he refers to as "this woman." When he tells Dr. Varga-Nagy that this woman is pregnant with his child, his tears begin.**

**Continued…**


	19. Chapter 19

**A Father's Wisdom**

**Even Martin Ellingham was taken with the solemnity and serenity of the Christening earlier today. When sprinkled with holy water, John Martin Parsons cooed contentedly, and his three siblings and eight cousins behaved perfectly. Now back at the Parsons home just outside Plymouth, the twelve children have erupted and chaos has ensued. After a half hour, Martin fortunately receives a call from the loathsome statistician at Imperial asking him to review new data she has sent to him in a large file. She is irritated that Martin made her work on a Sunday to compile the numbers and is determined to ruin his day as well. **

**With great relief Martin retreats to the Parsons' study, uses Susan's access code for the computer and begins to download data. While waiting, he idly scribbles ideas on a notepad as directed by Dr. Varga-Nagy and tries to anticipate Louisa's reaction to the phone call he plans to make in the next few days. **

**Soon he is interrupted by Chris's father, Daniel: "Oh, Martin, didn't realize you had escaped here as well. The din out there is deafening. Let me just look about for a thimble of malt, and you can ignore me. Do you know where Chris keeps his whiskey?"**

"**Maybe on the top shelf of that cabinet - away from the kids." **

**Daniel opens and closes doors and finally finds a bottle of malt and glasses. Holding the bottle out to Martin he asks: "Join me?"**

"**No, no. I need a clear head to analyse this data. We are finally making progress on the research study."**

**"How're you doing with that blood phobia? Chris said you should be back to surgery soon."**

"**God, I hope so. This study is maddening. The sooner the better."**

"**Well, then, let's have a drink to that." Daniel pours whiskey into a glass and hands it to Martin. Then he falls into a chair and begins to ruminate about his life. **

"**Martin, I said to Jean on the flight down here: 'My God, where did the time go. I still remember what you looked like that Saturday you were trying to sell your paintings on Talbot Road.' Of course, that was the early 60s. I had miraculously finished with a first in maths from Oxford, and my uncle helped me find a post on Bond Street. **

"**I was nothing but a glorified office junior and was the smuggest 22 year old you ever met. The old bastard I worked for made me chase down all sorts of antiques for him on the weekends, and I hated him for it. That Saturday I was at a bookseller on King Street picking up a tome on the Battle of Agincourt. I remember it, because – well – that was the day I met Jean.**

"**I came out of the shop and saw her across the street with this long brown hair floating in the breeze. She had on these black tight things and some sort of smock but, by God, she was the most beautiful girl I ever saw. **

"**It took me a while to go over to her, but I did. Fool that I was, I tried to chat with her about art. Of course, I hadn't an idea of art but she humoured me. Then, I bought one of her paintings for 4 pounds.**

"**For the next eight Saturdays, I found an excuse to visit Talbot Road, and each time I bought a painting from her. One day she said she'd like to make dinner for me because I'd paid for her groceries the last two months. Dinner was spaghetti putanesca that she learned to make when she studied in Florence. Remember this was the 1960s, and I had never had a meal quite that exotic. I sat there the rest of the evening listening to her go on about art. She could have been reading from the Oxford Unabridged, it wouldn't have mattered. I was that enthralled by her.**

"**Well, I was young and randy and tried to kiss her, but she pushed me away. I asked for her phone number, and she said 'no.' God was I crushed. I took the tube back to the let I had with some pals from university, and I couldn't sleep that night. **

"**The next week I felt a fool and set my mind to forgetting about her. There were plenty of pretty girls in London, and I didn't need her. But she was the one I wanted. **

"**Blast me if I wasn't down there the next Saturday, and bought another painting from her. After paying for it, she wrote her phone number on a scrap of paper and said to ring her if I needed to return the painting. On our honeymoon, she told me she wanted to see what I was made of before giving me her phone number. Going back after she booted me from her flat was the right thing to do.**

"**Of course, I'd have probably met someone else, and probably had a good life, but it wouldn't have been with the girl I loved. Have you ever thought of getting married, Martin?"**

"**No." And then he uses the excuse he has for years: "I haven't found the right one."**

**Daniel chuckles: "Hard to believe Susan hasn't found the right one for you. She always seems to be playing the matchmaker. When Simon had that long break up with Audrey, she trotted so many girls through our house, my head was swimming. But Simon knew that Audrey was the right one, and he worked at it to win her back. Now, they've been married – what – ten years."**

**Chris enters the den: "Should have known I'd find you two in here drinking my good whiskey. Susan is taking the baby in for a nap and wants more photos. Get out there Dad, before she comes after you."**

**Daniel heaves himself from the chair, lifts his glass to Martin and drinks the remains. "Maybe I shouldn't have gone back to her. What a bloody bother all these grandchildren have become."**

"**Oh now, Dad, you haven't been boring Mart with your old tale about meeting Mum, have you?"**

"**Chris, I told you my tale when you and Susan were smashed up that Christmas and you were moping about like a lovesick hound. You have me to thank for all of this. Now, let me go be the pater familias. Remember, Martin, the old dad's wisdom. It'll put you in good stead some day when you do meet the right one."**

**Continued….**


	20. Chapter 20

**A Friend's Advice**

**Remaining in the den after his father leaves, Chris pours whiskey into a glass and has a sip: "How's the data looking, Mart?"**

**Shrugging, Martin says: "About the same. Current results show that the drug is effective with some patients and the stinting works with others. Obviously, the Swiss want to prove the drug is better, but our findings don't support it. Another bloody week in Basel arguing about it." **

**"Will you be there all week?"**

"**No, I'm returning late Thursday. Imperial insists I see the therapist at least once a week until I'm ready for surgery."**

"**How are you faring with all of it?"**

"**Chris, it's horrible. On Thursday, I was with the therapist for two hours, and it felt like I had been in surgery for two weeks. This woman keeps coming at me and won't stop. But she's effective. For the last few weeks, I've had no issues with the operations I've ****observed, and Southwood wants me to start scrubbing in next month. My contract for the study runs through December, but after that I could return to surgery full time."**

"**That's splendid news Mart. Everyone at the med school dinner wished you the best. Hadn't seen Gordon Day in years and told him you'd be at the Christening."**

**"Oh, God, Gordon Day. Of all the people who had to help Lousia."**

**"Look you two had your problems, but he's a good surgeon. Mickey told me he was to take your post at St. Thomas's. But when he and Cecily divorced, she gave him custody of his daughters. He couldn't do it."**

"**Yes, he mentioned the divorce at dinner. Took him to that restaurant, Pesca, to thank him for driving Louisa to Portwenn. He seems a bit more humble these days, perhaps it's the divorce. Losing someone as brilliant as Cecily must have been a major blow."**

"**Look, tell me to bugger off if you like, but have you heard anything from Louisa?"**

**His first inclination is not to tell Chris to bugger off, but to simply say "no." But on Thursday, Dr. Varga-Nagy insisted he phone Louisa and discuss the baby with her. If he can't talk with Chris, how can he talk to her?**

**Martin takes a sip of whiskey, leans back in the chair and closes his eyes. After a minute he says: "Louisa is pregnant."**

"**My God, Mart. When did that happen? I mean it's yours right?"**

"**That weekend we saw you in London. It was a shock, particularly after the fiasco at St Thomas's. I hadn't talked to her since then, but she phoned in February asking to meet me in London. The thought of starting up with her again was so painful, I refused to see her. She finally told me she was pregnant. Due in mid-July. Doesn't want me involved in any way. But I had to do something. I had my solicitor send documents to her acknowledging that I'm the father and making financial and medical provisions for the baby."**

"**But Mart, you must see the baby, really be part of its life. When Susan hears of this, she'll have you in a child development lecture for the rest of the day."**

"**No, Chris! You can't tell Susan. She would go mad. I've got to sort this out myself. That's what the therapist wants me to do. Everything I say upsets Louisa, so I'm supposed to write down points and practice them before phoning her. I'm to put an elastic on my wrist when I talk to Louisa. If she starts to bother me, the therapist said to pull the elastic as a reminder not to over-react."**

"**What are you going to say to her?"**

"**I've no idea. Since Thursday, it's all I've been thinking about, but what I write is rubbish."**

"**Look, Mart, you need only write what you want to say: you want to see her and the baby, spend time with them. You want to be there when she has the baby right?"**

"**I don't know. Should I be? She sounded so angry with me. I'm not sure she wants me anywhere near her?"**

"**But, Mart, that Saturday, you were so happy. Louisa seemed happy. Of course, when I got Susan back to the hotel, she said Louisa broke down in the loo because she wasn't sure how you felt about her. Susan was ready to get on the phone and shape you up, but I wouldn't let her. You know how she is."**

"**Chris, I'm not sure what happened. After we left you on Saturday, we were getting along well, and the rest of the day was good. Sunday morning was the same. Something went wrong at St. Thomas's. Probably, I was to blame for most of it. **

**"First, I made a stupid comment about Louisa's father being in prison thinking it was a joke. Then, Harvey Coombs arranged passes for me and included an advert for my old job. I wanted so much to be back there, to have my old life back. **

**"We ran into two of my former registrars who now work as surgeons. He's at Imperial and will probably be the chief of vascular before I am. Upstairs, I saw another junior registrar had my old office – she'll probably have my old post in a few years. It all seemed so unfair. **

"**The longer we were there, the worse I felt. Then Louisa started asking if I loved her, why didn't I love her, what was wrong with her. She went on this rant saying she wasn't good enough for me and that I was just flaunting my old life in London to the poor village girl. That bothered me a good bit, because I didn't think I had any sort of life in London to flaunt.**

"**We went down to the lounge to have a talk before she left for Cornwall. I tried to explain that both of us are insecure because of our childhoods. Her mother abandoned her before she was 5, and her father would leave her to fend for herself at times. There was this boyfriend from university she expected to marry, but she learned he was involved with another woman. He turned up in Portwenn recently, and then he left her again. I only meant to say that she is insecure because people have left her. I must have said it the wrong way because she exploded. Told me to go to hell and that she would get to Paddington on her own. **

"**When she gets angry, you can't reason with her. It's best to do what she wants. I gave the guard money to organize a taxi for her to the station and then left.**

**"This is so stupid, but I went to one of those halal butchers near the hospital and bought two sheep hearts. At the flat, I hacked into them trying to practice surgery and puked all over the kitchen. **

"**That would have been the perfect, miserable ending had Claire Southwood not phoned me. On Friday evening, I had dinner with Robert and stupidly told him that Louisa was coming for the weekend. He must have told Claire, and she dropped by the flat before I got there. Louisa had just arrived, and they had a cozy chat about me. On Sunday night, Claire wouldn't stop about how I had to behave properly and not let Louisa go. How wonderful she is. I was so fortunate to have met her. You know the sort of rubbish. **

"**The next morning when you phoned about Louisa being treated in the A&E, I called but they only said that Robbie Chambers had seen her, and she had been released. Calling her school, I learned Louisa was in a Board meeting, so that was reassuring. Chambers phoned later and told me about her panic attack and how Day had driven her to Portwenn because I had supposedly abandoned her at St. Thomas's. I was so mortified, I didn't know what to do. When I got the offer to run the clinical trial, I jumped at it, even though I knew it would be hideous. I wanted to get out of Cornwall, away from her and all the stupid things I'd done."**

"**Look, Mart, Claire has a point. Louisa is damn wonderful. She's been so good on the PCT board, especially with children's issues. Everyone thinks she's smart and brings an interesting perspective. She is a woman you don't want to lose. You have to work out some way with her and this baby. Look, I've got to get back to everyone, but let me put together an email tonight with some thoughts that might help you. I'm no Don Juan, but you remember how bloody hard it was to get Susan to marry me."**

"**No, that's not necessary Chris. I can do it. Wait, on second thought, send me something. You know Louisa, maybe you understand how to deal with her.'**

"**Mart, this might sound a bit hard nosed, but even if you and Louisa can't make a go of it, you have to be a father to this child. Susan will be the first to tell you that half your problems are because your father wasn't involved in your life. You don't want to do that to your child. It's your responsibility to really be a father, like or not."**

**Continued….**


	21. Chapter 21

**A Flawless Performance**

**After their lunch in Plymouth, Louisa heard nothing from Gordon and has reluctantly forced herself not to contact him. No matter her strong reaction to him, Louisa must focus on the imminent arrival of the baby and what to do about Martin. Instead of her daily emails to Gordon, she writes more in her pregnancy journal.**

**It seems very old fashioned, but after Martin told his Aunt Joan about the baby, she suggested that Louisa keep a diary for the baby. Now she spends as much time re-reading her thoughts from the last few months as she does writing new entries. She wonders if Joan suggested the journal hoping that Martin might read it some day.**

**After her phone conversation with Martin and Calvin Nothquitt, Jack Monahan has been handling matters for Martin. She has signed the documents regarding Martin's paternity, his generous financial arrangements, and his carefully-researched plan for the child's medical care.**

**Louisa refused to sign the document agreeing that Martin's parents may not see the child under any circumstances. She has no intention of telling his parents about the child and no way of finding them. However, if they learn of the baby, she thinks they should be allowed to meet their grandchild. **

**This is important to Louisa, as it will be several years before her own father can see the child. In London, Martin told her only of his distant relationship with his parents. But how bad can they be? Perhaps after the baby is born, Martin will change his mind about many things. **

**The second issue they have not agreed upon is how Martin will spend time with the child. Gordon once told her that Cecily's failure to see the girls when scheduled has been painful for them. If she misses the once-a-month weekend or sees them only one of the days, Charlotte and Evelyn believe they have done something bad and Mummy no longer loves them. If Martin wants to see the child, he must do so consistently and at the agreed-upon times.**

**Because Jack assured her he was discussing the issues with Martin, Louisa is ****more than surprised to receive a call from Martin in early May asking if they could meet to discuss the baby. It**** may have been the phone connection from Switzerland, but Martin spoke very deliberately and paused frequently as they talked. He also seems ****to have read a baby book or two as he was well-versed in the emotional needs of a child. This gives Louisa hope for both Martin and the baby.**

**Martin proposed meeting the next weekend at a small inn about 10 miles from Portwenn. It is a charming place overlooking the sea and the site of many weddings, including several Louisa recently attended. With its romantic connotations, it would not be her first choice, but with Martin's new interest in the baby, she does not object.**

**Apparently, he has already made the arrangements, including a separate room for Louisa. Certainly, she thinks, he wants to talk about the baby, not see me. Swallowing her concerns and determined to have a peaceful weekend, Louisa rings off saying she looks forward to seeing him. Martin sounds relieved and says only: "Right."**

**Louisa arrives near two on Saturday, and Martin is waiting near the portico at the car park. He looks nervous but determined. Louisa takes a deep breath and walks toward him. Before reaching him, she blurts out an apology for damning him in London. This is the first thing she wanted to do. **

**His first words are rushed as well: "Louisa, I said everything the wrong way that day at St. Thomas's. I want to explain what I meant, what this baby means to me. I need to explain everything to you."**

**Martin leads her to a porch where they talk for the next hour. Tea has been brought to them, and Louisa must excuse herself. She taps her stomach and smiles: "Pregnant and all that. Lots of visits to the loo."**

"**You know, Louisa, you are in your seventh month of gestation and the baby is pressing on your bladder. Of course, you have to urinate more frequently," Martin explains.**

**Oh God. So much was good in the last hour and now this. She smiles at him brightly: "Thank you, Martin."**

**When she returns, the sleepless nights anticipating this meeting catch up with Louisa. Trying not to offend Martin, she asks if she might have a short nap before dinner at 6. Yes, and he asks to come with her. **

**In her pretty room, Louisa remains dressed and lies on the bed with a coverlet. Martin sits in a nearby chair looking through tourist magazines. Now that she is lying down the baby becomes very active, and it is difficult to find a comfortable position. Martin notices and asks if she is feeling okay.**

"**Yes. The baby's a bit busy. I'll be fine in a few minutes."**

**Martin leaves the chair and stands next to the bed with his hand extended: "May I feel?"**

**Tears rush to Louisa's eyes, and she presses her lips together and nods yes. Then she shifts so that Martin may sit on the bed. He looks at her – seemingly for permission - as she takes his hand and places it on her stomach. Soon he is transfixed by the rhythmic movement of the baby, and she is comforted by his warm hand. Louisa closes her eyes to blink away the tears and drifts off to sleep.**

**Awakening a short time later, Martin is lying next to her with his left arm around her and his hand resting on her stomach. He has fallen asleep as well. As she stirs, he awakens, and she places her hand over his. Then Martin does what every pregnant woman dreams of: he rubs Louisa's back, legs and feet long enough for her to forgive him almost anything. **

**When he stops, Louisa feels a bit groggy and tells Martin she is having a shower before dinner to refresh herself. She is startled that Martin makes no effort to leave the room or even the bed. **

**Well, she stayed with Martin in London and had showers, including the one they took together after returning from the French restaurant. Louisa thinks the baby may have been conceived during that shower and blushes at the memory. That will not happen tonight, she thinks, as she pulls her voluminous maternity dressing gown from her case. **

**Martin finally understands what she is doing and leaves saying he will see her downstairs at 6. Somewhat relieved, Louisa begins to undress. Seeing her with clothes on while pregnant is one thing, but Louisa fears Martin would be appalled by the sight of her mounded stomach and swollen breasts.**

**At dinner they talk more about Martin's involvement with the child, but carefully avoid discussing the logistics of living five hours apart. Martin's new interest in seeing the child has been a relief to Louisa, and she will travel any distance to ensure it happens.**

**Later they take a walk along the coast, but Martin does not hold her hand. Rather he occasionally guides her with his hand on either her arm or back. She won't reach for his hand as she isn't sure how he'll react and wants nothing to disturb the pleasant day. They have not kissed, yet Louisa has a sense of intimacy with Martin.**

**When they return from the walk, Martin again comes to her room and takes the same chair. **

"**Martin. I'm sorry, but with the pregnancy I usually go to bed by 9. Do you mind if I turn in now?"**

"**No. May I join you?"**

**Louisa smiles and says "yes." She retreats to the loo with nightdress in hand, changes and thoroughly cleans her teeth. When she returns, Martin's clothes are neatly folded on the chair and he is in bed. His vest his visible, and she is relieved. For a minute she thought. . . but of course not. Martin seems to think the same thing as she falls asleep with him rubbing her back.**

**The next morning they gingerly make love and even Martin grins a bit at the creativity needed. Ultimately, they manage quite well, and Louisa realizes that there is a tender, caring side of Martin he kept from her even in London. Not many men could made a pregnant woman feel as attractive and desirable as he assures her she is. Perhaps Gordon. But Louisa pushes that thought from her mind. **

**As he holds her, Martin whispers: "That reminded me of our shower in London. God, I was so clumsy with the bloody condom, that's probably when the baby was conceived."**

**Summoning her courage, she asks: "Martin, do you regret this baby?" **

**"It's too late to regret the baby, Louisa. You are in your seventh month and nothing can be safely done. We have to live with that reality."**

**Louisa clenches her jaw against his stinging words and says nothing. So much for the caring side of Martin she thinks ruefully.**

**They part late Sunday afternoon with many items discussed, but few firm plans in place. Martin asks if they can meet again in two weeks to work out what he calls "the practicalities." Louisa agrees and wishes him a good week in Switzerland.**

**In Portwenn, Louisa writes a charming version of the weekend in her journal for the baby. Then she recounts what really happened. Of course, Martin made a few thoughtless comments, but she almost prefers them to his somewhat odd behavior. It was as if he had researched what was expected of him and carried out the duties of a concerned, absent father flawlessly. Perhaps when the baby arrives, he will be more relaxed.**

**continued . . . .**


	22. Chapter 22

**A Delicate Truce**

**After returning from Switzerland, Martin had two sessions with Dr. Varga-Nagy to perfect the sensitization techniques which keep his haemophobia at bay. He will begin assisting with surgeries in mid-June, and these techniques are crucial. Also important is the doctor's assessment of his condition and any on-going treatment he will require.**

**In addition, three people must be satisfied that he is ready: the chief of surgery and the hospital administrator at Imperial and a lawyer from NHS. A thick dossier has been forwarded to each man describing Martin's preparations to resume surgery. However, in the British tradition, the men want Martin to look each of them in the eye and declare himself fit. This will be done at a dinner meeting on May 29.**

**Now at his Thursday meeting with Dr. Varga-Nagy, he is three days from that dinner and two days from his second meeting with Louisa. An important weekend is looming for Martin, but he feels in control of both situations. **

**Teodora must complete her assessment of Dr. Ellingham and have it to Imperial by tomorrow morning. There is much to discuss, and she begins immediately.**

"**How was your meeting with the woman?"**

"**It went very well. I read the child development books you recommended as well as those on how men and women process information differently. The father of my friend in Plymouth gave me good advice on the need to persevere with women. And my friend provided a helpful perspective on dealing with pregnant women."**

"**Aren't you friendly with the wife as well, Dr. Ellingham?"**

"**Yes. In fact, her – uh – reaction to many of the things I said during her pregnancies lead to my interest in the unsettling effects of oestrogen on women during and after their reproductive years.**

**"My friend reminded me of what I had learned through – uh – mistakes with his wife. For example, I did not tell the woman in Cornwall that her face was spotty or that she looked fat. Only that she was beautiful."**

**Suppressing a smile, Teodora thinks: The fact that you are still living, Dr. Ellingham, means that you did not tell a pregnant woman she looked fat!**

**For the remainder of the session, Martin describes the efforts he made with the woman: He was by her side through most of the weekend and did not use his computer or mobile to access email or data from the study. **

**He tried to answer her questions about his feelings for her and the baby very honestly and completely. He controlled his anger no matter how annoying or repetitive her questions became.**

**He did not kiss her or make any sexual advances toward her even after rubbing her back and legs and sharing a bed with her. It was the woman who made a sexual advance, and he was happy to reciprocate. At first, he was a bit distracted by the significant changes in her body, but he did not mention them. For this the woman said she was both surprised and grateful.**

**He sent flowers to her place of employment on Monday thanking her for the weekend. In an email, she thanked him for the flowers and referred to the "stir" they created, and that she would "talk to him about it" the next time they met. It seems the flowers made an impression.**

**Ending the session, Dr. Varga-Nagy asks when and where he will next meet the woman.**

"**This Saturday. We will meet at the same inn near her home so that she will not have to drive far. Many weddings are held at the inn, so I thought she would also find it romantic."**

**Oh, no! You do not take an unmarried, pregnant woman to an inn where weddings are being held! As a psychologist, Teodora must ask the next question. As a woman she cringes doing so: "Did any weddings take place during the weekend you were there?"**

"**No. In fact the manager said it was quite unusual not to have at least two weddings a day on a May weekend."**

"**Dr. Ellingham, might I suggest that you see if any weddings are scheduled for this weekend. If there are, might I further suggest that you change your accommodations to another place and ensure that no weddings will be held there."**

**Martin nods and thanks Dr. Varga-Nagy for sending his assessment to Imperial. **

**Of course, he understands the doctor's comment about the weddings. Louisa would be upset at the sight of a wedding. God knows, he worked so hard to please her that he wants nothing to upset their delicate truce.**

**Walking back to Imperial, he calls the inn, and the temporary receptionist assures him that no weddings are scheduled for either Saturday or Sunday. Martin does not think to ask about wedding receptions, and she is not experienced enough to mention that three will be held on Saturday and two on Sunday.**

**With this concern out of the way, Martin thinks the second meeting with Louisa will go as well as the first. The sessions with Dr. Varga-Nagy have been difficult and time consuming but so worthwhile professionally - and now personally.**

**Only six more months on the hated study, and Martin will be able to resume surgery full time. He and Louisa are completing the details of visiting the baby in Portwenn a few times a month. Only a few more items to be resolved, thinks Martin.**

**continued . . .**


	23. Chapter 23

**A Green Eyed Monster**

**As lovely as the first weekend was, the second is horrid. **

**As Louisa approaches the inn, she notices that cars are lining the roadway, and people are walking toward a white canopy next to the inn. Of course, a wedding! Perfect! I will try not to waddle by and see the bride. Imagine: a woman who is smart enough to actually have a man marry her. Tamping down her envy, Louisa drives determinedly to the car park. Bloody hell if she is going to leave the car and haul her luggage to the inn!**

**Again, Martin is waiting at the car park but motions for her to stay in the car.**

"**Louisa, I'm calling about looking for a B&B. We can leave here in a few minutes. I'll find something soon."**

**Louisa didn't sleep well and is tired after even the 20 minute drive from Portwenn. "It's okay, Martin. It doesn't bother me. I'm pregnant, I'm not married. Believe me, enough people have mentioned this to me, that I don't really care any more. We can stay here. Maybe I'll go fetch a piece of the wedding cake."**

"**Louisa, you've only a gained a bit more weight than normal during your pregnancy. Useless carbohydrates will only add to what you must lose."**

**Still in the car, Louisa drops her head to the wheel, closes her eyes and grits her teeth thinking: Only Martin Ellingham would be thick enough to say that. I cannot believe I'm about to go through a painful labour to deliver the baby of a man so utterly and completely stupid!**

**Lifting her head and opening the car door, Louisa plasters a smile on her face: "Fine. I'm fine. I'd love to have a small green salad with dressing on the side."**

**Susan Parsons once had a similar response to an insensitive comment from Martin when she was pregnant with Dan. Except Susan also kicked him in his right shin, which was actually much more painful than he expected given the strength of the shin bone.**

**Martin takes Louisa's case from the car, follows her into the inn and then upstairs to a large room. Seeing Martin's luggage, he explains that he thought she would like to be with him this weekend. **

**Another tight smile from Louisa: "Of course, Martin!" Well, she is not having sex with him. In fact, she is never having sex again with Martin or any other man – not that any other man would want to have sex with her. She will never lose the baby weight, she will be fat and alone for the rest of her useless life!**

**After using the loo and splashing cold water on her face, Louisa returns to the room, opens her computer bag, removes a packet of papers and says to Martin, "Let's talk about the practicalities." **

**This is something Martin can understand and takes a chair opposite Louisa at a small table. They soon get into it about Martin's parents seeing the baby.**

**"Why are you so adamant about this, Martin? There is only a slight chance they will even learn about the baby. But if they do, shouldn't they be allowed to see their grandchild?"**

**Repeating his earlier comment that "they are not suitable people to be grandparents" adds nothing to their discussion. He has brought the agreement with him and pushes Louisa to sign it. Fine, she will sign it.**

**After doing so, something changes in Louisa, her fight is gone. No matter what Martin wants, he can have it. She just wants this baby out of her and a night of uninterrupted sleep. But she will not have a night of uninterrupted sleep for at least the next year, and then she will be interrupted intermittently for the remainder of her life by this child. More comforted than annoyed by this thought, Louisa brightly asks: "What's next?"**

**Martin wants to discuss his visits with the baby and provides a schedule to Louisa. She foolishly becomes upset with his comment that he will be "visiting" his child rather than participating as a parent in the child's life. Martin tries to assure Louisa that he understands the distinction, but does he?**

**As they talk more about his time with the baby, a weary Louisa says: "Martin, this is important. Gordon said his girls really miss their mum no matter how much he is with them."**

**Narrowing his eyes, Martin asks: "Who's Gordon?"**

**Oh, no. What has she done? "Oh, you know, Gordon Day."**

"**When did you talk to Gordon Day about this, about our baby?"**

"**I didn't talk to him about the baby, he mentioned his daughters when we were talking about Cecily."**

"**When was that?"**

"**I guess on the drive to Portwenn. It was a long trip and we didn't have much to talk about it. He was going on about his divorce."**

"**That's something he would do. He is such an ass."**

"**Martin, he drove me to Portwenn, I was grateful to him and didn't think he was an ass. I was half asleep and if he wanted to talk about his divorce, I didn't care. It was just something I remember him saying."**

"**So you know all about what our baby needs from something Gordon Day said when you were half asleep?"**

"**Martin, what he said makes sense. He's been very helpful to me."**

**Furrowing his brow he asks: "Louisa, what do you mean? Have you been in touch with Gordon Day since the trip? Does he know about this baby?"**

"**Look, Martin, he did send me some emails after he brought me home. He was just being kind. I haven't heard from him in months."**

"**Louisa, Day is a skilled surgeon because I made him one. But he has made a foolish career choice, and I don't think he is one to give you advice about our baby. If he contacts you again, let me know, and I'll put a stop to it."**

**"Don't worry, Gordon won't contact me."**

**"Well, if he should..."**

**"Damn it, Martin, I said he won't contact me. Now let it be!"**

**After this, Louisa wants nothing but a nap. She falls asleep immediately, and Martin is working at his computer when she awakens. They have dinner in the room because another wedding reception is underway, and the dining room is quite noisy. **

**They talk a little more about whether Martin will be with Louisa during labor and delivery, but he is unsure of his travel schedule. He does ask many questions that Louisa is not prepared to answer and, in fact, doesn't want to discuss.**

**She is taking Bert Large's advice in terms of labour and is going to go with the flow. She is frightened of the pain and how she will endure it. But mostly she is scared witless that she will do something wrong during labour that will harm the baby. This is the nightmare that haunts her.**

** Martin's nattering on about breathing and relaxation exercises is not what she wants. Why can't he just hold her and reassure her that she and the baby will be fine. Even the heartless Lamaze instructor is more sympathetic than Martin. **

**They go to bed with nothing resolved.**

**Proving her point about Martin's willingness to spend time with the baby, early on Sunday morning he announces that he must leave by 10 to be back in London for an important meeting at Imperial. Louisa is once again annoyed that he didn't tell her of his early departure, just as he failed to mention his meetings when they were in London. **

**She masks her anger with feigned interest. When she asks the purpose of the meeting, Martin says only that he must talk to a lawyer and two doctors that evening. It seems he could do this at any time, so Louisa assumes this is only an excuse to get away from her. Who meets on Sunday evenings?**

**On Tuesday, Martin phones Louisa saying he'll be working in Basel when the baby is due. She is both relieved and sad that Martin will not be there. The extra stress he would likely cause would not be helpful to Louisa or the baby. How sad that the man she once loved and, truth-be-told, probably still does will not be with her at such a wonderful time.**

**Continued . . .**


	24. Chapter 24

**A Decision Point**

**Teodora Varga-Nagy submitted her assessment of Martin Ellingham to Imperial Hospital with a sense of victory and relief. Despite his best efforts to foil her treatment methodologies, she has brought Dr. Ellingham to the point where his haemophobia is no longer a professional hindrance. Curing a phobia is nearly impossible, containing it is not. The techniques she taught him will keep the phobia controlled, but he must continue therapy in the short term. **

**Today, she will discuss with him the nature of his realtionship with the soon-to-be born baby and the child's mother. Dr. Ellingham expressed a true desire to be part of the child's life, but he cannot or will not tell Teodora how he feels about the mother. **

**Dr. Ellingham seems a bit more animated this morning as he thanks Teodora for her assessment and reports that his Sunday night meeting went very well indeed. He is slated to resume surgery in June and will gradually turn over management of the clinical trial to another doctor. **

"**And how was your meeting with the mother of your child?"**

**"It went reasonably well. I did check about weddings, but the imbecilic woman at the inn told me there would be none. She failed to mention several wedding receptions were scheduled, so it was a bit of a cock-up when I arrived. The woman did not seem to mind. She said it was fine. You were wrong about her reaction."**

**Raising her eyebrows at his impertinence, Teodora says only, "I see," and has a sip of water. **

"**Were you able to work out arrangements for seeing the child?"**

"**Yes. More importantly, she signed the document stating that my parents could not see the child."**

**Teodora has heard much of his troubled childhood and strained relationship with his parents. It is not surprising that he wants such an agreement. What surprises her is that the woman Dr. Ellingham described as strong, stubborn and steadfast in her resolve not to sign the agreement would now acquiesce. Perhaps, she is distancing herself from the father, beginning with his parents.**

**Another question must be asked: "****Will your aunt in Cornwall be allowed to see the child?"**

"**My God, of course. She is very excited about the baby. My aunt has known the woman her entire life. She has been very involved since learning of the pregnancy. When I phone her, she speaks only of the baby, and I am happy for her. She never had children, and this baby means a great deal to her. In fact, she will be at the birth and will continue helping after the child is born.**

"**Will the woman's parents be at the birth?"**

"**Um, no. Her mother left her as a young girl, and her father is – estranged – from her. She has no other close relatives. This is why she asked my aunt to be at the birth. Several friends will be there during the labour as well."**

"**How do you feel about having so many people involved in the birth of your child?"**

"**It is what the woman wants. This weekend she described the birth plan she worked out with her midwife. Actually, only two friends will be with her during labour, another friend will stay with my aunt. The woman expressed some concern about the pain of labour, and I suggested several of the relaxation techniques you have taught me."**

"**Dr. Ellingham, you understand that those techniques are useful only in concert with other pain management. The midwife will be able to advise you as labour progresses and more effective drugs are needed."**

**Somewhat exasperated, Martin responds: **"**Yes. I did see labour and deliveries during medical school, so I am familiar with the process."**

"**But it is very different when your own child is being born. You should prepare yourself for that, Dr. Ellingham. It can be quite nerve wracking when someone you care about is in pain. As the father, you will have quite an important role to comfort and soothe the mother."**

**Martin looks at her blankly, and Teodora's stomach churns. My God, he is not going to be at the birth. That is why the woman's friends and his aunt will be with her. Exhaling a bit more than needed, she changes the subject.**

**"Have you developed a satisfactory schedule for seeing the baby?"**

"**Every other weekend I will come to Cornwall, see to the baby and be of help to the mother. Financial and medical plans are in place, so we were able to work out the practicalities this weekend. The woman feels strongly that I see the child consistently."**

"**Yes, that is very important, Dr. Ellingham. Severe emotional problems can arise when a parent does not keep consistent arrangements. Children crave order and routine and blame themselves too often when it is actually the parent disrupting that routine."**

**Nodding in agreement, Martin continues: "She knows of someone whose wife does not always see her children when scheduled, and it has been a problem."**

"**It is good that she has a friend who can help her understand the intricacies of such arrangements. But everyone's situation is different."**

"**He is not a friend."**

"**Who's that, Dr. Ellingham?"**

"**The man who mentioned the issue to her. He is not a friend"**

"**Perhaps, he is not a friend, but hearing of someone's experience can be reassuring to one with a similar situation. Even talking with him would be helpful to her."**

"**She does not talk to him. She has had no recent contact with him. In fact, if he contacts her again, I told her I would put a stop to it." **

**Something is amiss, thinks Teodora. Why this forceful reaction to a seemingly helpful comment? **

"**Why are you concerned that he would contact her, Dr. Ellingham?"**

"**I'm not concerned. There is no need for it, no need to bother her with his unsought advice. We can make satisfactory arrangements, and he should not interfere. He's an ass and it is none of his business."**

"**So, you know this person as well?"**

**Looking at her somewhat belligerently, he answers: "He used to work for me. He is the doctor who drove her to Cornwall after we parted in London. I told you about the argument, and her panic attack. After the trip, he sent her emails, but she said he was only being kind. She should have told me sooner, and I would have stopped them."**

"**Perhaps, she did not find his advice or attention bothersome, Dr. Ellingham. Perhaps it is you who finds his attention to her bothersome."**

**"That is absurd! She means nothing to him!"**

**"And what does she mean to you, Dr. Ellingham? You had no contact with her until she phoned you about the pregnancy. It was then that you had a renewed interest in her. If she weren't bearing your child, would you have made an effort with her? Is it only the child drawing you to her? Why won't you be with her at the birth of your child?**

**"These are questions you must answer, Dr. Ellingham. Only you can sort out your feelings for this woman. If you decide she is only to be the mother of your child and you will have a relationship based on the needs of that child, so be it. **

**If you recognize she is someone you love and want to be involved with either through marriage or an exclusive partnership, that is another matter. But you are the sole person who can determine what you want. What she is to you and can be to you. This is your decision alone.**

**Then you must learn what you mean to her. She has the same decison to make about you, Dr. Ellingham. **

**Standing to end the session, Teodora treats him to a very tight smile saying: "I will see you on Monday. Enjoy the weekend."**

**continued. . . .**


	25. Chapter 25

**A Plan Changes**

**Friends and colleagues with children told her it would soon happen, and it finally arrives early on Saturday morning: the third trimester burst of energy. Louisa has been in nesting mode for the last few weeks but has lacked the energy to complete her brilliant plans. That has now changed. By mid-morning she has tidied her cottage, thoroughly cleaned the lavatory and kitchen and dusted bookshelves as they haven't been cleaned in years! **

**Then she is off to the harbour for fish and the grocers for her weekly shopping. Martin is coming to Portwenn for dinner tonight and she feels great! Back at the cottage, she does laundry, a bit of ironing, changes the sheets on her bed and then has a shower, washes her hair and attempts a pedicure. Well, that may have to wait. **

**When Martin arrives from London a bit worse for wear, Louisa is wearing make-up, a red and white stripe top, and has a red band on her glossy ponytail. The fish is marinating in lemon, pepper and the tiniest bit of olive oil, the peas are shelled and the salad awaits only dressing. Early season berries have been washed, and Louisa will serve them with the biscuits Martin's Aunt Joan dropped off Friday evening.**

**She greets Martin with a big smile and a nice hug, and he looks warily at her. Who can blame him? The way she behaved at the inn – sullen and cross over a few weddings, jumping down his throat because he didn't want his horrid parents to see the baby, and then being unreasonable by demanding that he commit to set times with the baby. None of this seems very important at the moment. **

**Even without wine, the meal is wonderful. The food tastes delicious (and Martin confirms it), the one side conversation is fascinating (Martin doesn't have a chance to say much) and she is loving and kind to Martin (still wary though he may be).**

**Suddenly her energy plummets, and Martin helps her to bed where she remains until 10 on Sunday morning. **

**Martin brings a pot of tea and toast to her bedroom and rubs her feet as she chokes down a few pieces of toast and a mug of milky tea. She is fading fast, and Martin urges her to rest again. At 2 he gently nudges her saying he must return to London but will stay if she is not feeling well. He wanted to talk with her but understands that she may have done a bit too much yesterday. They will meet again before Martin leaves for Basel – perhaps the weekend after the school term ends. Louisa promises Martin that she will rest and not overdo it again. She wants to talk with him as well. **

**The day after term ends and two weeks before the baby is due, Louisa and Sally Chadwick are in her office binning files. Most of the teachers are emptying desks and packing cartons as the school is to be painted over the summer. With no children about, it is strangely quiet.**

**Near noon Tasha Mills pops in and asks Louisa to look at student artwork decorating the lunchroom walls and decide what is to be done with it. When they arrive, the staff is gathered for a surprise luncheon. Most attended the shower given by Pauline Large and Joan Norton, so there are no gifts, but there is ample laughter and goodwill. As they leave Louisa hugs each of them, and they offer reassuring words and kind sentiments.**

**At the end of the day Sally enters Louisa's office in tears. She is off tomorrow for a long-planned holiday to the beaches of Vietnam and will not see the baby until August. Louisa assures her that she will feel her encouragement across many time zones. Sally hurries off with several large bags of artwork and a backward glance and wave.**

**Louisa's back aches and her stomach is a little upset, perhaps from the cake. Returning to her packing, her mobile buzzes and she remembers turning off the ringtone during lunch. It is a call from Holly who closed her school last week and is leaving for a brief trip to Italy. She is very evasive about her traveling companion, saying only "he is lovely." Just as well – Louisa is a bit too distracted by her churning stomach.**

**Wishing Holly a bon voyage, Louisa notices she has missed a call from Gordon Day, and he's left a message. She's heard not a word from him since their lunch in Plymouth, but she hesitates only a minute before pressing "call back."**

**He answers on the fourth ring and is very agitated: "Oh God, Louisa, thank you for phoning me, I thought you might not." What she did not hear in Gordon's message is that his mother died this morning. He is on his way home to collect the girls and go on to Warwickshire.**

**Louisa is immediately sympathetic and senses that he wants to talk about his mother. Gordon once told her that his father died of a heart attack when he was 17 and his mother only 41, close to Louisa's age. With little work experience, she took on her husband's insurance agency and made a success of it until she suffered the early dementia that has now caused her death. **

**As Gordon drives to his home, Louisa hears the sound of London's rush hour traffic in the background. Perhaps it is that din or the emotions of today, but she has a headache and her stomach is now tightening. Pacing about her office, she sips cold tea to settle herself. **

**It seems Gordon has reached his home as he says: "Blast, some fool has taken my parking. Oh, it's that bloody Cecily. What is she doing here? If she's trying to play happy family, I'll have none of it." Louisa offers that Cecily is probably trying to help. Perhaps Margaret called her imagining how difficult it will be for Gordon to tell the girls their grandmother has died.**

"**Maybe. I hope you're right. I'm not in the mood for her." Then Gordon surprises her a second time when he says: "Louisa, I wish you were here with me. It would make all of this – all of this – bearable. I'm sorry. I haven't asked about you, about the baby. How are you, Louisa?"**

"**I'm well, Gordon. The term ended yesterday, and it'll be a few weeks before the baby. Nothing is resolved with Martin. Perhaps after the birth, he can focus only on the baby without having me in the way." Then Louisa has a sharp pain in her side and gasps.**

"**What was that?"**

"**Oh, just a bit of an upset stomach. The staff had a lunch for me today and I ate some very sweet cake – not the best for me now. Gordon, go in to your daughters. They'll make you feel better. Be patient with Cecily. If she is there, it's because she wants to help you. I am very sorry and please give my sympathy to Margaret and your entire family. Funerals are very difficult, and I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best."**

"**You'll be thinking of me, Louisa?"**

"**Yes, Gordon, I'll be thinking of you."**

**Louisa makes her way to the staff toilet, but halfway along the hall amniotic fluid trickles from her body creating a wet spot on the floor. She stares at it for a minute before realizing that labour has begun. She must call Grace and Joan. Louisa returns from the toilet with paper which she drops on the fluid and then bends to pick up. It is a bit difficult as her stomach is cramping and she is somewhat lightheaded. **

**Then she calls Martin.**

**Continued. . . . **


	26. Chapter 26

**A Complicated Birth**

**At the time Louisa begins labour, Martin Ellingham is in London rather than Basel. He is meeting with two doctors from Imperial and two doctors from the Swiss pharmaceutical company. Martin did not wish to attend the meeting and is incensed that they are now in their third hour with no reasonable progress made. Finally, one of the Swiss asks that they re-convene tomorrow morning after another analysis is run of test results. Martin gives directions to the two Imperial researchers and leaves for the surgical wing. **

**There he checks on several post-op patients he is managing for another consultant. One man is surprised that Martin is following him rather than his surgeon, and Martin brusquely responds that he is a fully-qualified vascular surgeon. Then he returns to his office for his case filled with new data on the Swiss drug and files for tomorrow's surgeries.**

**In his car, he finally listens to messages. Hearing one from Louisa announcing she is in labour, he phones Truro Hospital and finds she has been registered and is in an obstetrics ward with a midwife. Martin drives to the flat he let near Imperial, packs a case, and leaves for Cornwall.**

**At Truro Hospital, Selena MacKenzie and Isabelle Grayson are alternating between the labor room and the area where Joan Norton and Caroline Bosman are waiting. Now that she has to prick her fingers to test for blood sugar levels, Caroline has developed an aversion to the sight of blood. Not exactly a phobia only squeamish, she insists.**

**Louisa is holding up well and is five centimeters dilated. Several times Joan Norton grumbles: "that silly, silly boy" or "I've a mind to call him now and get him where he should be." Each time Caroline settles her saying Louisa knows that Martin will not be with her. Eventually, Joan goes outside to be alone with her thoughts about her nephew. **

**Near 10 o'clock Joan has not returned and Louisa is becoming exhausted by the pain. Grace McMahon, the midwife, gives her more gas and air which help but they also make her confused. Several times she repeats: "tell Gordon," and Selena looks questioningly at Isabelle. "Does she mean Martin?" **

"**Could be but I hope not. That stupid bastard better not show up. I'd love to have a word with him." **

**Grace rubs Louisa's back as she breathes through yet another prolonged contraction. At the end Louisa asks that Caroline send Gordon an email letting him know she is at hospital. Selena takes her hand and asks: "Louisa, do you want us to call Martin? Do you want him to come?" **

"**No," cries Louisa. "I called Martin." "Gordon's mum died." Then she grimaces as another contraction begins. The midwife is having an anaesthetist come in for an epidural and asks Isabelle and Selena to leave. **

**In the waiting area Selena asks Caroline: "Do you know someone named Gordon whose mum died? She's wants you to contact him about the baby. It's not one of the students – could it be someone else you and Louisa know?" **

"**Do you think she means Martin," Caroline wonders.**

"**No, it's a bit odd. She said she wanted you to send an email to Gordon but that she had called Martin."**

"**Oh God, do you think I should tell Joan she's called Martin? She's quite upset with her charming nephew, so I'm not sure she's ready for that."**

"**Probably not, but could you look through the emails on her phone and see if there's a Gordon. **

**Caroline takes Louisa's phone from her bag and finds nothing. Then she looks at the contacts section under "G" but there is no Gordon. Just then Joan returns still in a huff about Martin, and Caroline and Selena are distracted by her . Caroline is about to turn off the phone and drop it in her bag, when Al Large calls. He apologizes for phoning but wonders if he and Pauline should stand by to send the birth announcement. Caroline suggests they go to bed – she'll call when there is news. **

**As she is clicking off, she sees that Louisa has a few phone messages. Not sure if Louisa has heard them before she went into labour, Caroline takes a pen and paper to record them. The first is from the midwife and the second from Roger Fenn. In the third message, a man says: "Louisa, Gordon here. I've just finished in surgery and had a message from Margaret that my mum's died. Please phone me." **

**Caroline quickly hits "call back" and it goes immediately to an answerphone: "This is Mr. Day, please leave your name and number, and I shall return your call. Thank you." Caroline thinks for a minute: Mr. Day. Of course. Gordon Day, the doctor who drove Louisa from London to Portwenn and to whom she sent the wine. **

**There was some connection to Martin, but she can't think what it was. Does Louisa want her to send an email to Dr. Day to contact Martin? But if she has already called Martin, why would she want that? Caroline concludes that Louisa is in so much pain, she is not thinking correctly. Caroline has enough to contend with wondering if the great Martin Ellingham will actually darken the door of Truro Hospital.**

**A little after half midnight, a pale Isabelle appears to tell Joan it is time for the final pushing. Caroline asks how "bad" it is, and Isabelle assures her there is little blood if she wishes to come into the room with Joan. Caroline stiffens herself ****and takes Isabelle's hand. Inside, Louisa is huffing and grimacing as the midwife urges her to push. **

**Several times she falls back gasping for breath, but then Joan takes her hand saying: "Think of that bloody nephew of mine and push him in the bollocks where he damn well deserves to be kicked." All the women giggle and urge Louisa to push. Seeing Caroline, Louisa calls "Oh, Caro, you're here. Did you send the email to Gordon?" C****aroline assures Louisa she will send the email as soon as the baby is born. **

**More than a few minutes later, they see the baby's head crown and Caroline tightens her grip on Isabelle's hand and looks away. As Louisa pushes the baby out, the midwife hands Joan scissors to cut the umbilical cord. They are crying and cheering Louisa. **

**Finally Joan shouts: "What do we have here – a chicken or a rooster?" The baby is a boy, a long thin boy. The waiting nurse cleans the baby, and the midwife administers the Apgar test. They are asked to leave as Louisa required an episiotomy and stitches are needed. **

**Outside, Joan, Selena and Isabelle leave to have a cup of tea and any bit of food they can find in the canteen. Caroline will remain to take the photo of mother and baby and then send it to Al Large for the birth announcement. **

**She removes the camera from her bag to be at the ready and then notices Louisa's phone. Perhaps she should check if there is an email address for Dr. Day. She enters the contact section under "D" and there is one for GMDay at St. Thomas's Hospital in London. Well if this is what Louisa wants, she will send a short email letting him know the baby has been born. **

**She presses his contact setting and that action leads not to an address but to a file marked "GMD." Puzzled, Caroline opens the file and sees numerous messages between Louisa and Dr. Day beginning with the email he sent thanking her for the wine and ending with his last email to her in April, the night before she met him in Plymouth. **

**Caroline recalls that a few months ago Louisa told her she was meeting a friend for lunch in Plymouth. It must have been Dr. Day. What in the bloody hell has been going on here? Caroline cannot bring herself to snoop any further, but at the right time, she must ask Louisa. **

**When she looks up, Martin Ellingham is walking toward her.**

**Continued. . . . **


	27. Chapter 27

**A Father Arrives**

**In her London PR career, Caroline Bosman handled many crises. And to several people, Martin Ellingham's arrival constitutes a crisis. Following the rules she learned from a master practitioner, Caroline looks brightly at Martin and states the obvious: "You are here." **

**Martin nods at her somewhat peevishly and asks "How are Louisa and the baby? The receptionist said she's here in a delivery room and the baby is being checked by a paediatrician."**

**Second rule, thinks Caroline, state the facts simply and in short sentences: "They are well. There was an episiotomy. A doctor is with Louisa. The paediatrician has not yet arrived." **

**Martin responds: "I see."**

**Third rule, keep the fractious parties apart. "Selena, Isabelle and your Aunt Joan have gone to the canteen for tea. They should be back soon."**

"**Oh God," he groans**

**"I'm standing by to take the first photo of mother and baby as soon as the doctors are finished."**

**Then Martin begins to pace and almost pounces on Grace McMahon as she leaves the delivery suite. "Oh, Dr. Ellingham, you've come." **

**Grace was stunned when Louisa finally identified him as the father of her baby and was sad when Louisa said he would not be at the birth and was not sure how he would be involved in the child's life. Grace has been assigned to mums from Portwenn for many years, and has had a good – if not particularly friendly – working relationship with Dr. Ellingham. **

"**Yes. May I go in now to see Louisa, Miss Glasson?" **

"**Dr. Patel is examining her at the moment, but she'll be finished quickly. This is a busy night with four mums in labour, so the doctor is stretched thin. I'll be following through with Miss Glasson until she goes to ward in about an hour. The baby will be taken to the nursery shortly. Let me see where we are now."**

**Martin continues to pace and glower at Caroline. His grumpiness threatens to spoil what Caroline considers a wonderful time for her dear friend, and she will not have it. Putting the best face on it, Caroline chirps that Louisa did very well through labour and that the baby is beautiful. He has blue eyes, a fluff of hair and – glancing at a card – she provides his weight and length.**

**Martin turns to Caroline with an anguished look: "Good God, Caroline, what do I say to her? We do nothing but disagree over meaningless things but keep losing sight that we once truly cared about each other. I don't know what to say to her, what she wants me to do."**

"**Martin, go in there and tell her how you feel about the baby and her. That's all she wants from you. Things can be sorted out later. But for now, only let her know you've come for her and the baby. Don't over-think it, only be with them."**

**Dr. Patel exits the delivery suite having just started her shift when the baby was born and has no knowledge of Louisa's circumstances. She smiles warmly at Martin saying: "Oh, the dad's back. Congratulations, sir, on your big healthy boy. Mum will soon be right as rain. The midwife said she came through the labour well and will be home soon. Take care of her and that lovely boy. I'm off now but will check on her when she's taken to ward."**

**Martin rushes through the door and Grace McMahon is holding a cup of coconut water for Louisa to drink from as she cradles the baby in her left arm. She has not told Louisa that Martin has arrived and smiles when he enters the room. Calling on her years of experience with sticky maternity situations, Grace wisely departs with an encouraging nod to Louisa.**

**Although Louisa phoned Martin, she cannot believe he actually came to Truro. After their last meeting at the inn, she thought their relationship would consist of handing the baby back and forth and emails about the practicalities of raising a child. **

**Still, Martin looks very unhappy and not at all pleased to see her or the baby. She is not going to make the first encounter with this child's father miserable, so she smiles and says: "Hello, Martin, come have a look at this beautiful boy." Saying nothing Martin looks at the baby and then at Louisa. "What do you think? Is he the most perfect baby in the world?" she enthuses. Martin nods his head.**

**"He hasn't been checked by the doctor yet, but I think it would be fine if you held him. He is very long, but very light." Louisa offers the baby to Martin, but he continues to stare at her and the baby as if he is hearing nothing.**

**Louisa rubs the baby's arm: "Just relax, the doctor will be here shortly, and then you can have a nice wash in the nursery and maybe a little sleep. You've been through a good bit to come here, but you'll love it. There are birds for you to chase, grass to run through, water to splash about." **

**Then Louisa begins to hum to the baby and adds some nonsensical words here and there. Perhaps if she doesn't talk to Martin he'll become comfortable with the baby. It's just as well. She's so tired that she doesn't have the extra effort needed to engage Martin in anything resembling a conversation. **

**Louisa hears a commotion outside and Martin looks to the door as Joan Norton bursts in. "Well then, Marty, I see you were man enough at the end to get yourself down here where you belonged all along. Hope we didn't interrupt anything in London with something as unimportant as the birth of what is likely to be your only child. A child who by the grace of God will not bear the Ellingham name."**

**Louisa calmly says: "Joan, enough. If you want to talk to Martin in that way, please do so outside. I'll not have this baby frightened by you." Joan gives Martin a withering look and leaves. **

**Martin apologizes for his aunt's outburst: "She's absolutely right. I've been an ass through this entire thing. I didn't know what to do, and I still don't know what to do. I've made a mess of everything."**

**Louisa has rehearsed many things she would say to Martin, but dismissed all of them as perfectly ridiculous. With this chance she simply looks at him and says:**

** "Martin, nine months ago, I came to London for a weekend with you. I arrived with the highest of hopes that we would finally have a chance at a relationship. It was a wonderful weekend, we mostly got on well, you were as relaxed and happy as I've ever seen you, and we made love. And it was making love, Martin. Each time I gave myself to you, it was with love and caring. It meant a great deal to me. **

"**This baby came from that weekend, and he is beautiful and means a great deal to me. I love him, and for him I love you. It would be wonderful if you loved him as well and would be a father to him. Martin, you are a very good man. You doubt yourself, but this baby would make your life much more meaningful than anything you've accomplished. I want you to have that chance. You know how I feel, Martin, and you have to decide how you feel and what you want. That's all I've ever wanted from you."**

**Martin nods and walks toward Louisa and their baby.**

**A short time later, Grace McMahon steps into the room to let them know the paediatrician has arrived. She sees Dr. Ellingham sitting on the edge of the bed with one arm around Miss Glasson and nestling their baby in another. Their heads are bent over the sleeping baby, and soft crying and murmurs of comfort can be heard from them. They do not notice Grace as she quietly leaves the room and asks the paediatrician to move on to another baby. Grace will let him know when this family is ready. **

**Continued. . . . **


	28. Chapter 28

**A Mother's Love**

**Gordon, Cecily and their daughters arrive in Warwickshire after midnight. Cecily and the girls are soon settled for the night, and Margaret and Gordon have the kind of talk only siblings can have when a parent dies. **

**When their father suffered his fatal heart attack, Margaret was at university in London and seemed so much older than Gordon who was 17 and in his last year at the science grammar school. They were so shocked that they barely said a thing to each other and were concerned only for their grief-stricken mother. Now they focus on their own grief and guilt. **

**Margaret felt so horrible each time she left mum at the care home, while Gordon tells her of his guilt for shifting that burden to her. He relates the comment made about her by the woman who runs the support group, and this brings another flood of tears.**

**On Wednesday morning, Cecily's parents, Jim and Lorna, arrive from Southampton by10. They offer to take the girls and Margaret's two children to a park while the adults make plans. Margaret is a bit teary and asks Gordon to come with her to both the mortuary and the church. Cecily will remain to organize the lunch after the funeral and to receive the flowers and meals being left by Margaret's many friends. **

**Plans proceed well, although Gordon and Margaret do get a bit giggly when they are shown the many tasteless items that the director of the mortuary wishes to sell them. They agree on the simple casket their mother would want.**

**At St. Aiden's, the earnest young vicar who replaced Father Henderson makes frequent references to God's will in his short chat with them. Fortunately, the long-time verger, who had children at school with both Margaret and Gordon, intervenes and arranges for the order of service. **

**Then they stop at the local newspaper to place a death notice with details of the wake and service on Friday. Afterward, they have a late lunch and a much happier conversation about both their parents. **

**Margaret recalls her wild days singing with bands throughout Europe and the States and how Mum never gave up on her. "Through it all, she loved me Gord, and I knew it. After Dad died, we always had her love. A mother's love is so very important to a child of any age."**

**In Margaret's car, Gordon checks his BlackBerry only since leaving London. He looks first at the messages from Amelia. Young Mr. Seidel is covering for him, and Amelia wants to come for the funeral. She adds that the Chief of Surgery asks if information about his mother's service may be shared with staff. He thinks for a bit, and then asks that Amelia provide details. The remaining emails are routine and can await his return. **

**What Gordon remembers from the next few days is how important his mother was to so many people despite her recently-diminished and foreshortened life. At the wake, the man who worked for both his parents and eventually bought the insurance agency recounts how Mum taught him everything about the business. She was well-respected by everyone and was known for her wicked sense of humor and skill at crossword puzzles.**

**The nurse from the care home Gordon met at Christmas arrives with a number of aides who remember his mother's good days and bad days and laugh doing so. One of the women reminds Gordon that it was she who witnessed his mum toss the tray of food on his lap. Staff gave marks to Gordon for not becoming angry, but only cleaning up the mess and staying with his mother.**

**Two of his ancient great aunts and a number of other relatives embrace Gordon and assure him they are proud of him as Margaret has kept them current on his London career. They think Evelyn and Charlotte are the prettiest and dearest children and smile politely when Gordon introduces Cecily as "my daughters' mother."**

**Women from his mum's class at the local girl's day school bring memories of his mother and that she was the first from their class to marry. They were very impressed that she was marrying a "much older man" by seven years. Her success with the insurance agency was recognized with a distinguished alumnae award several years back. His mum told Gordon about the honor, and he seems to recall sending flowers to her at the time.**

**Several of his schoolmates stop by to have a catch up and offer their sympathies. They remember more than he does that his mother always had a tin of biscuits or a tray of sweets at the ready when they stopped at his home after the school's much-hated mandatory sports program.**

**The new vicar makes a more impressive go of the funeral service than Gordon expected, and the music they selected with the verger's help is comforting. Evelyn and her cousin, Henry, solemnly carry offerings to the altar, and Gordon is proud knowing how difficult this was for his very shy daughter. **

**Margaret's husband, Eric, is what even he refers to as a pointy-nosed accountant and generally says little. Both brother and sister were surprised when Eric asked if he might deliver a eulogy to their mother. At the end of his talk, there are few dry eyes in the church. Gordon finds himself clutching Cecily's hand as she stares straight ahead, her face wet with tears. Cecily is hugging Charlotte to her side while he holds Evelyn to his.**

**As they leave the church, he greets Amelia and introduces her to Margaret and her family. Amelia raises her eyebrows when she sees Cecily with the girls, and he shrugs in response. Freia Manning and several other registrars from the old Ellingham team have come from London along with two of his fellow consultants whom he counts as friends. Hugging Gordon, Freia whispers to phone her when he returns to London. **

**His mother was his father's widow for nearly the same amount of time as they were together in marriage. Her wish was to some day be "reunited in death" with his father at St. Aiden's cemetery. Gordon found this a little morbid but knew it was a great comfort to his mum. **

**Lingering at the gravesite, Gordon places his arm around Margaret's shoulder and thanks her for taking care of their mother. Eric has been generous in sharing her for so many years with mum. Not many men would be as kind and thoughtful as he has been nor could many give such a beautiful eulogy for their mother-in-law. **

"**My hope for you, Gord, is that you find a woman as good for you as Eric is for me. I can't imagine ever meeting Eric without Dad's intervention from on high. Dad found Eric for me, and Mum will find someone for you."**

**Margaret's home is crowded with people who are eager to chat with Gordon and offer their sympathies. Cecily and Amelia have become suddenly cordial and efficiently replenish the buffet set up in the dining room while Jim and Lorna go about with drinks. After several hours, Gordon breaks away and walks outside to clear his head. He sits on a stone garden bench, watches a few birds and then idly scrolls through his BlackBerry. **

**It rained during the night and the garden bears the aroma an Oxford girlfriend once told him was called petrichor – a mixture of wet soil, leaves and flowers released from the summer earth when rain hits it. She was reading English and broke his heart several times during university. Esme, she claimed was her name, but his friends always thought she took the name when she came to university. No one names their child Esme. **

**She broke his heart again in med school when she stopped sending him snippets of her poetry and told him she had "found another." After Esme, he decided women of science were best for him. Women like Cecily who would scoff at him if he ever used the word petrichor or tried to name one of their daughters Esme. **

**Gordon ends his reverie and returns to his BlackBerry. There is a message from Chris Parsons which reads: "Gordon, A bit delicate here, but Martin Ellingham had a child with the woman you drove from London to Cornwall last fall. Please see attached announcement. Thought you might want to know as you were so kind to her. Cheers, Chris Parsons." **

**Attached to the email is a photo of a newborn with a wrinkled face and a bit of light hair resting on Louisa's arm. She looks exhausted but is smiling. The baby is named Philip Albert Glasson and was born on First of July. Mother and baby will return to White Rose Cottage, Portwenn, Cornwall in a few days.**

**Gordon has to catch his breath and cannot stop staring at Louisa and her baby.**

**Continued . . . **


	29. Chapter 29

**A Force of Nature**

**On Wednesday morning, Martin phones Chris Parsons saying that the baby had been born a few weeks early, and both Louisa and the baby boy are healthy. Chris is effusive in his congratulations to Martin and asks how he feels being a father.**

"**Fine, I feel fine. The baby responded well to the tests the paedetrician made, and Louisa seems to be recovering. She's had a bit of pain from an episiotomy, but that's to be expected."**

"**Good Lord, Mart, you might sound a bit more enthusiastic. You know I have to tell Susan about all of this, and if you're not spinning like a top with joy, she'll have your head."**

**As pleased as he is for Louisa and Martin, Chris now faces a task he thought was a few weeks away: telling Susan about the baby. Martin forbade him from doing so, and he kept to it, although he knows it will likely anger Susan. **

**The older children are playing outdoors with the au pair, and Susan is nursing John before a nap. He will remain home to tell her about Martin's baby and then escape her fury by rushing to his office. **

**Susan walks into the kitchen, kisses his forehead and jokes: "Go to work, Christopher. We need money to feed this brood."**

**Chris swallows and decides to plunge forward: "Susan, Martin Ellingham had a baby very early this morning." **

**Ordinarily Susan would make a derisive comment about men having babies, but she only falls into a chair and exclaims: "I knew it. I knew you were keeping something from me. I thought your parents were ill or something horrible had happened to you. But Ellingham fathering a baby, my God, I can't even think what to say. It was with Louisa, of course?"**

"**Yes, with Louisa. He told me at the Christening and made me promise not to tell you. When I saw Louisa at the PCT meeting in June, she was near term, and we obviously talked about it. I should have told you, but you know how Martin is."**

"**It's quite alright, Chris. It's appropriate behaviour for Martin not to seek out people who could help him. He did it with the haemophobia and now this. Is Martin in Truro or Portwenn – I must see him – where is he?"**

"**He drove from London last night to Truro Hospital and arrived just after the baby was born. It's a boy and both he and Louisa are fine. I'll phone her a little later this morning, but you might want to talk with her as well."**

**Somewhat pensively, Susan responds: "Right, then, he wasn't with Louisa for labour and the birth?"**

"**Apparently not. He only learned of the pregnancy at the end of her first trimester and has seen Louisa only a few times to work out arrangements. Susan, you have to let him be. Martin said they are having a very difficult time of it, and you should not get involved."**

"**I don't care what you say or think, Martin needs me, and I'm driving over to Truro. I'll just tell the au pair and then get dressed. Can you be home early tonight if I'm not back?"**

"**Susan, don't do this. Martin will not appreciate it, and you'll make it worse."**

**"Nonsense, Chris. Martin doesn't know what he's in for, and I've got to help him set this straight. Thank you for letting me know."**

**With that, Susan kisses him again and goes upstairs. His father once told him that Susan was a force of nature and could not be stopped - he should not even try. Chris is relieved that Susan is not angry with him and has taken the news very calmly. She went immediately to her psychologist persona and is ready to help Martin. Well, if she can, good for her. Chris will stand by to get directions from one or the other of them on what his role should be. Now he must hurry to the office and let this welcome news register: Martin Ellingham is a father. **

**Later at Truro Hospital, Susan is having a cup of tea in the canteen while waiting for visiting hours to begin. At a nearby table a group of women is chatting excitedly about a baby boy. Several have flowers, and Susan guesses they are waiting to see Louisa as well. **

**She asks if they are here for Louisa Glasson. They are and teach with her at Portwenn Primary School. Susan introduces herself as a friend from Plymouth, and one remarks: "Oh, yes. She had lunch with you several months ago." Surprised that they knew of last fall's lunch in London, Susan says "Yes, it was quite fun and it will be good to see Louisa and especially the baby. Have you seen Martin Ellingham."**

**A pall falls over them and Susan realizes her question is not welcome. "No," one replies curtly. Another teacher begins to talk, but glances are shot at her and she stops. A bell rings signaling visiting hours have begun, and all move to Louisa's ward. **

**Louisa is holding her baby and greets the teachers and Susan warmly. No mention is made of labour, and attention is drawn to what they all pronounce "a beautiful baby boy." Each of the teachers wants to hug Louisa, and Susan waits until the slow process ends. As Susan leans toward Louisa, she whispers: "He's gone to pick up his aunt. Look for him in the canteen in about a half hour." **

**And that is where Susan eventually finds Martin, looking about as groggy and unkempt as she has known him to be. When he sees Susan, he also looks sheepish, frightened and prepared for what he knows is coming.**

**Displaying her most professional demeanor, Susan extends her hand to Martin, rather than kissing him: "Congratulations, Martin, the baby is beautiful. Louisa seems to have done well with everything. Chris and I are very happy for you." **

"**Thank you, Susan. Yes, everyone is fine."**

**Then her composure crumbles. "What in the bloody hell do you think you are doing Martin? First you don't tell me a thing about this baby, then you aren't with Louisa during the birth and now you're hiding in a canteen because you aren't man enough to face her friends. What are you going to do about all of this? Are you and Louisa going to live together and raise this baby properly? You know, any other arrangement is going to scar your child for life. You did not have a parent's love and you know the horrid effect that had on you. What will you do?"**

"**Susan, we've made all the arrangements and Louisa is happy with them. I'll come to Portwenn every other weekend to see the baby. Of course, I'll see her as well. ****I was scheduled to be in Basel when the baby was due, so I couldn't be with her. It's only because the baby was early that I'm here now…."**

**Susan interrupts: "Martin, you stupid ass. Did you just hear what you said: You are only here because you happened not to be in Basel. Shouldn't you be here because you want to be here for your child and the woman who just gave birth to your baby without a bit of help or comfort from you I might add. **

**"Raising a child is not a predictable process you go through until a man emerges. You've got to know your child, spend time with him, guide him, and be involved in his life. What do you think Chris does? Sit in his office and tell me to love the children, teach them some manners, make sure their schoolwork is done, sit them down and have a word when they need it? Who's going to do all of that Martin? Only Louisa? That baby is not yours in name only, you have to be his father."**

**"Susan, I understand how a child is to be raised, and he will not have to bear my name. There is no need for it. Louisa wanted to name him Martin, but I wouldn't have it. I asked only that Philip be used in his name. It's Chris's middle name and the name of my uncle who was the nearest thing I had to a dad. I want the baby to carry the name of two strong, good men." **

"**Oh, Martin, you are good and strong. That's why we wanted Martin as John's middle name. Had we known about your baby, we never would have done that. Martin should be your child's name."**

"**I prefer Philip. Any other name is yet to be decided, but the names Louisa proposed are those of men who helped look after her as a child."**

"**Surely he will have your surname."**

"**Not now. I'm not sure if Louisa would want that."**

"**Did you ask her?"**

"**No, but I would think she'd want the child to have her name. It is better for both of them in the village."**

"**Martin, you can't assume you know what Louisa wants. You must sort this out with her. You have to do this for your child. You do love your baby, Martin?"**

"**Susan, I know what I'm doing. You go on about loving everyone all the time, but what does that really mean? It means you take care of someone, make sure they have proper clothes, food, school fees, medicine."**

"**That's what you think love is Martin? Providing for someone? Maybe love is holding a baby because he's feverish, teething and it hurts him, and he just doesn't understand pain. Or it's when a kid comes home from school and says the teacher scolded him because he can't do the maths lesson. No matter how tired you are, you sit with that child and you teach him how to work out the problems. **

"**And what about Louisa? How are you going to manage all of this with her? Do you even love her?"**

"**Susan, it's none of your business how I feel about Louisa. We've worked out a good arrangement, and I care about her and the baby. I don't know why you are so obsessed with the need for me to love everyone."**

"**Because, Martin, love makes you human. You've managed to get through your whole life without receiving or giving love. Can you imagine that might be something you want? Don't be stubborn, be truthful with me. Do you want someone to love you Martin?"**

"**Louisa loves me, she told me she does. Louisa loves the baby – you should have seen her with him after he was born. It was beautiful. She was telling him about the world, and singing to him. It was all natural for her, but I can't do that. What I can do is love the baby and Louisa the way I know: by providing for them and making sure I see them. Louisa said it is consistency that matters, and I will be consistent and not disappoint the baby. That is how I will love them, Susan."**

**Of the many unsettling talks she has had with Martin Ellingham over the years, this is the saddest. Almost miraculously he found a lovely woman who bore a child for him, no matter the circumstances of conception. He sees only his duty of care to them not the joy and happiness the love of a child and woman can give him. **

**Chris is right. It is time to let Martin be. Louisa will be a wonderful mother, and she will soften any problems Martin creates for the child. **

**Smiling she says: "Well, Martin, I wish you the best. When I saw you with Louisa in London, I thought you had finally turned a corner and understood the need for someone in your life. However good you felt about Louisa, you will feel much better about this child. Please work on this Martin. Chris and I want you to be happy, and Louisa and this child can do that for you.**

"**I'm going to stop in and tell Louisa goodbye. Shall I tell her you'll be there?"**

"**Yes, Susan, I will be there for Louisa and the baby."**

**Continued . . .**


	30. Chapter 30

**A Birth Announcement**

**Gordon, the girls and Cecily return to London from his mother's funeral late Friday evening. Charlotte and Evelyn did not sleep on the trip home and have taken to bickering the last few hours. They are cross with each other and their parents and refuse supper. Gordon makes each drink a glass of milk, then Cecily takes them upstairs to bed.**

**After retrieving their luggage, Gordon places Cecily's case inside the front door. He has also brought from the car a thermal bag with several casseroles Margaret forced on him as her fridge is packed. ****Hungrier than he thought, Gordon calls up to Cecily to see if she wants dinner. She does. He switches on the oven and places a small casserole inside. **

**Alma has left a note reminding him that she has arranged for Guenete Gebre to watch the girls on Saturday. "GG," as they call Guenete, is a university student and one of their favourite minders. Gordon is relieved and hopes this will mollify them while he is working. Feeling very tired, he thinks to go for a run before dinner and starting to catch up with work.**

**Cecily comes downstairs, and he asks if she could stay while he has a run. The casserole is heating, and he'll be gone just half an hour as it's become warm in London. Soon out the door, Gordon runs down the pathway to a nearby park trying to sort out the last few days. **

**His mum's death, the birth of Louisa's baby, and Cecily's surprising behavior. She was very helpful, pleasant and quite kind to Gordon, her parents and the girls as well as Margaret and her family. Gordon isn't certain if her recent, long trip to California made her appreciate them or if it portends something more. He pushes that possibility from his mind as he refuses to be hurt by her again. **

**And what's to be done about Louisa? She was the one person Gordon wanted when his mum died. He tried not to call her. Selfish bastard, he thought, let her be. You've gone three months without her, although he never felt without her. But he has to be. The reality is Louisa now has a child and – in whatever way – a relationship with Ellingham. He'd be no better than Cecily with the architect if he didn't let her be.**

**When he returns, Cecily is at the kitchen table with her computer and a glass of wine. She holds out the glass to Gordon: "Mrs. Fullman from next door brought over a bottle and asked that I tell you she's sorry about your mum. The nanny apparently told everyone in the crescent. Expect to see more visitors over the weekend." **

**Gordon fills a glass from the cold tap, drinks it, then dunks his head under the water and wipes his face with a kitchen towel. "God, Gordon, you have become completely uncivilized without me to manage you. I hope you don't let the girls do that." Gordon grimaces and mumbles, "Sorry, it's warm outside." **

**She holds the wine bottle to him and asks if he wants a glass with the casserole. He pours a little wine into the water glass and then takes the casserole from the oven and puts several spoons of the unidentifiable mush on plates. **

**Cecily wrinkles her nose when he places the plate in front of her along with paper from the kitchen roll and a fork. Gordon thinks whatever it is smells good and tucks in. It is some sort of vegetable chicken dish which is quite tasty. Cecily has a test bite and alternates between a sip of wine and a bit of food again commenting on his use of kitchen paper rather than proper napkins. **

**Gordon takes more of the casserole and continues to eat but says nothing to Cecily as she reads on her computer. She brightens and asks: "Did you hear the news about Martin Ellingham?"**

"**Yes. He's working for Jonathan Lieder at Imperial and resuming surgeries. Seems his blood issue has been resolved."**

"**That I knew. But he had a baby with some girl from the village where he was GP. Freia Manning forwarded the announcement to me. Ellingham must be mortified."**

**Somewhat stiffy, he responds: "Chris Parsons sent me an email about it. I thought I'd try to respect the man's privacy even if no one else seems to care about him."**

"**Oh, Gordon, don't be such a prig. If it was anyone but Ellingham no one would give a fig, but you know what he's like. Remember how he ranted when you wanted parental leave with Evelyn. I don't think he ever sent a card, much less a gift, when a baby was born. I'm not sure he even knows where babies come from. He probably thinks the helipad at Imperial is for the stork."**

**Gordon recognizes the signs of Cecily becoming tipsy. She can't have more than a glass or two of wine without thinking she is quite witty when she is anything but. He nods at her, clears their plates and walks toward the study to begin catching up. Sorting through an accumulation of post, nearly all goes to the recycling bin, and the others are put aside. Several have hand addressed envelopes and are probably condolence notes which he can't quite bring himself to read. **

**Switching on his computer, he pulls up the birth announcement sent by Chris Parsons and opens the photo. He tries to imagine how Louisa felt when the photo was taken but nothing is betrayed by her happy eyes and wide smile. Her hair is a bit mussed but she looks as beautiful there as she did in Plymouth and even in London when he tucked her into his car. **

**Cecily walks into the study saying: "Couldn't resist. You're as much of a gossip as the rest of us, Gordon. That poor girl. Thinking she could trap someone like Ellingham into marrying her by getting herself pregnant. But the baby does resemble him – look at those ears!" **

**Gordon turns around: "She's not a poor girl. She's a teacher and head of school. I don't think she needs to marry Ellingham. He may have fathered the baby, but she doesn't need him."**

"**Is that what Chris Parsons said? I didn't get that part of the email. What else did he say about her?"**

"**Chris knows her from the Cornwall PCT, and I've met her as well. She was in London with Ellingham last fall and I saw them briefly at St. Thomas's. She seemed – well – intelligent and quite nice."**

"**So, from a short conversation, you know all about her. Honestly, Gordon, you know nothing about women – never have and never will. You're better off when you only try to rescue them. Well this one will need rescuing. ****Wait until she tries to manage a baby and her brilliant job as a teacher. Can't imagine the stress of wiping children's noses and arses all day."**

**Gordon must control himself not to react to Cecily's mean, sarcastic comment. He is finally able to say: "Look, I'm back from the run, the girls are asleep, you can leave if you want. I need to get cracking on work and be at hospital early tomorrow. Really, Cecily, you have been wonderful the last few days. My family appreciates everything you did. The girls especially needed you. It was good of you to come with us. Mum admired you and would have been happy knowing you were there."**

**Running her hand over his shoulder, Cecily asks: "Gord, could I stay. Stay here with you tonight? You always feel so good after a run."**

"**Cecily, no. I'm not having sex with you again. We did that after the birthday party and both of us felt horrible afterward. Besides, the architect has probably missed you terribly. Get back to him. I'm sure he'll oblige you."**

"**He's still in California – won't be back for a week. I just thought it would be a way for you to show your appreciation….."**

**Gordon interrupts saying that he has told her he appreciates what she did and if she wants something more from him, she can buy it and send him the bill. He cares about her as the mother of his children but he doesn't want to start anything with her that will only lead to regrets. **

**He is angry behaving this way with Cecily the day his mum was buried. Gordon finally asks her to leave before they really get into it and start revisiting all their old arguments. He walks with her to the car and places her case inside. Before getting into the Mercedes, Cecily presses herself to Gordon, kisses him deeply and then says: "This is what you're missing Gord." As she drives off, Gordon recognizes he is missing exactly that, but – God help him - not from Cecily. **

**Continued . . . .**


	31. Chapter 31

**A Last Session**

**On Thursday morning, one week before Christmas, Martin Ellingham arrives for his last session with Teodora Varga-Nagy. Regina, the doctor's impassive assistant, greets him formally and offers tea. He declines and then takes from his briefcase a bag of Swiss roasted coffee which he hands to her with wishes for a Happy Christmas. Regina is too flummoxed to speak as Teodora appears to bring Dr. Ellingham into her office. **

**She greets him in her usual manner, and he takes his usual chair. They discuss briefly his imminent return to surgery, including the importance of meditating and practicing sensitization techniques. **

"**Yes, of course. You emphasized their critical nature, and I do not wish my haemophobia to recur."**

"**Have you considered continuing with therapy, Dr. Ellingham, to help with other issues in your life?"**

**She has asked this several times, and he responds as before: "It doesn't seem necessary. You have helped me overcome my phobia, and I am very grateful to you. If other issues, as you call them, create a problem, I will certainly consult you."**

**This is the response Teodora expected and presses on: "We have been working so intently on preparing for your return to surgery and have not recently discussed your personal life. How is your family?"**

"**Good. I must be in Basel on Monday for a needless farewell party and will then travel to Cornwall for Christmas at my aunt's farm."**

"**Has your relationship with your aunt improved?"**

**Squirming a bit, he answers: "Yes. She was rightly upset with me when the baby was born and I remained in London. Then, she was quite forceful in her wish to have Philip christened. Once that was done, she has been happier with me."**

"**Was your med school friend Philip's godfather?"**

"**No. I asked someone from the village who had been a teacher. Louisa's friend was the godmother."**

**Thinking it odd that the man whom Dr. Ellingham described as his oldest friend was not the godfather, Teodora decides not to pursue it. There are other matters to discuss today.**

"**How has Louisa managed with the baby and your travel schedule?"**

"**I try to be in Cornwall every other weekend, but it's not always possible. Her friends in the village and the teachers have been very helpful, but she believes Philip is her responsibility and likes to care for him.**

"**When I'****m in Portwenn, she seems a bit tired. I do as much as she'll allow and have offered to hire help for her, but she won't hear of it. With Philip at a babyminder during the day, she wants to be with him the remaining time. Her school schedule has been adjusted, and she stopped teaching one class. Now, she can manage administrative duties during the day and work less in the evening."**

"**And how do you help, Dr. Ellingham?"**

"**On Saturday, I do the shopping and usually cook a soup or casserole for her to have during the week. When Philip naps, she often falls asleep, and I tidy up, fold laundry, that sort of thing. She is a bit disorganized, and I've set up her cottage in a more efficient way for the baby.**

"**Following his nap, I quiet Philip so that she can sleep. I bathe him, change his nappy, bottle feed him, and read to him. He has a nice collection of books people have given him, and that calms him. Only reading to him."**

"**Yes, reading to a baby is good. More importantly, hearing your voice is very re-assuring to him. Do you imagine he misses you when you are away for long periods?"**

"**Cognitively, I'm not sure he could at 5 months. But Louisa asks that I speak to Philip if I phone so that he will remember me. Recently, he has made small noises as I talk, so it might be that he does recognize me.**

**"Philip is very attached to his mum and is happy and content when she holds him. Louisa says it is only because he wants to be nursed. He is ready to eat at any time and is just as eager for the bottle when I feed him. Often, she'll sing to him and, if he cries, dance about as her mother did when she was a baby. She thinks listening to the music her mother liked and dancing with Philip creates a bond with his grandmother."**

"**Then, his grandparents have not seen him?"**

**"No. Louisa is not certain where her mother is, and her father is in prison for the next few years. He is very interested in the baby and sends him drawings which Louisa tacks above his cot. My parents do not know of Philip. My aunt is better than any grandparent and sees him nearly every day."**

"**Has your communication with Louisa improved recently?"**

"**I believe so. Your advice to talk about various issues that concern her has helped."**

"**Such as?"**

"**Umm, I'm careful about the medical advice I provide. When I am in Portwenn, she expresses breast milk so that I can bottle feed Philip. I've suggested nutritious foods she should be eating to help with her milk production, but she sometimes ignores my advice. Then she'll do some foolish thing the midwife suggests like wrapping her breasts in cabbage leaves to soothe them. That clearly has no nutritional benefit. **

"**She has concerns about changes in her body caused by the birth and nursing. Recently, she told me not to mention again that she'll never regain the same muscle tone in her stomach and that her – um – breasts will become flaccid after Philip is weaned."**

**Once, again, Teodora is amazed at the patience of this woman. She seems either oblivious to Dr. Ellingham's tactless comments or willing to put up with a great deal, probably for the child. She can't imagine that he is an easy man to love, much less like. **

"**Have you resumed normal sexual activities, Dr. Ellingham?"**

**His face flushes, and Theodora braces for an outburst, instead he says only: "Yes. Louisa was keen to do that."**

"**And what of you, Dr. Ellingham? Do you find her as appealing as before the baby?"**

**He couldn't imagine answering such a question even two months ago, but it is better to respond immediately or this insistent woman will keep at him. He simply says "Yes." **

**It is not that he doesn't find Louisa appealing, it is only that he is concerned about her. The episiotomy left slight scarring which creates some discomfort during intercourse. And her breasts seem to be sore to the touch even with the bloody cabbage leaves. Although Louisa assured him that the slight discomfort is balanced by the pleasure and comfort he provides, they have made love only a few times since Philip's birth. **

**Teodora continues: "As we discussed, Dr. Ellingham, physical intimacy leads to emotional intimacy and a good relationship. Do you think your relationship with Louisa has become stronger since the baby was born?"**

"**Possibly. She told me she loved me when Philip was born. It was a very emotional time for her. I felt very bad understanding what she had gone through having the baby on her own. At hospital I was stunned seeing her with Philip and could not speak. But she was so happy and told me how much the baby meant to her and that I should have the same chance to be a father. When I sat next to her and she handed him to me, she started to cry. She is a very strong woman, and I didn't expect that. I didn't expect many things."**

"**What did you expect then, Dr. Ellingham?"**

"**I expected having a baby was a medical procedure. Painful, but with well-managed care, the mother and child would have a good outcome. I did not understand – was not prepared for – seeing the baby. When you and I talked about the pregnancy, I thought my sorrow came from Louisa no longer being in my life. When I held the baby, I tried to control myself, but the sorrow overtook me again. There was a visceral response to holding Philip."**

"**Perhaps, it was love, Dr. Ellingham, not sorrow. Six months later is that how you feel about Louisa and Philip?"**

**"I try to love her and the baby by providing for him and seeing them as I can. She is very insecure, and I'm not sure she believes that I care about them. When trying to show I care, like organizing her messy cottage, she thinks I am being critical of her. It is better when I don't talk or act. There is less chance that I will say or do the wrong thing."**

"**Dr. Ellingham, it is very important that you understand how Louisa feels about you and how you feel about her. This is something you must discuss with her. You have over 17 more years to raise Philip together. You cannot stumble through that time not knowing what you mean to each other. Do you think your relationship can continue as it is? Do you think you will ever want her to be in London? To live with you? To perhaps marry?"**

"**So much has occurred in the last year, that we haven't had time to think beyond the day-to-day of caring for Philip. It is not difficult for me to come to Portwenn every other weekend, it would be much harder for her to bring Philip to London. For now, I think the arrangement we have is good. It will be better after I am only in London and can keep to the schedule."**

**Teodora has returned Martin Ellingham to a fully functioning surgeon. For now, everything seems to be as good as can be expected with him and Louisa. But she will not rest if she does not make one last effort with him.**

**"Would it help if I met with you and Louisa together to discuss your relationship to each other and to Philip?"**

"**No. She has told me what is needed, and I try to do that. We are fine as we are."**

**Standing, Dr. Varga-Nagy takes Dr. Ellingham's hand and wishes him well. Walking him to the door, she places her hand on his shoulder, and she can feel him tense. She smoothly removes her hand just before she was to pat him in a warm, final gesture. She can only smile as she says: "Happy Christmas, Dr. Ellingham."**

**He turns to her, nods and leaves the outer office. Teodora smiles wanly at her assistant who says: "You must be exhausted. I'll bring you tea." **

**Returning to her office, Teodora sinks into her chair and has to close her eyes against the tears she nearly weeps for Dr. Ellingham. Regina is right. He has exhausted her and to what end she is not certain.**

**Continued . . . . **


	32. Chapter 32

**A 20****th**** Century Man**

**Last Christmas was difficult for Louisa: newly-pregnant with nausea and fatigue, heartsick over Martin, still vexed by Stu MacKenzie as head teacher and then spending Christmas with Isabelle, a single mum to a new baby who would not sleep and cried constantly. What helped her through that horrible time were Gordon Day's emails. Louisa smiles as she reflects on last Christmas and thinks how so much has changed. **

**Now she has a dear baby boy who does not cry constantly but neither does he sleep constantly. He is much too curious and interested in nursing at every chance. Martin is involved with the baby and Louisa, although he is more often in Basel or London than Portwenn. They have their moments when she believes they will be together in one place with Philip as a family. Martin tries so to be a caring father, and Louisa has seen him gain confidence with the baby. **

**Stu MacKenzie does not demand as much information or attention as the first year year of her tenure. At her review in November, the governors gave her a pay bump and pronounced themselves very pleased with her work. **

**This year Isabelle and Jeremy, the urban planner, are living in a new house in Falmouth with their baby, Mary Louisa. After her unhappy marriage in France, Isabelle thought she would never marry again. Jeremy persisted and, in September, Louisa was maid of honor at their wedding. She and Isabelle were shocked when Holly arrived with Mark Cordell, their old friend from Goldsmith's, who was the platonic friend of many women but who could never find a date.**

**While recuperating from her mishaps in Portwenn, Holly searched the internet for friends from university, and Mark was nearly last on her list. When she discovered he managed a large computer company, was unmarried and quite wealthy, Holly quickly invited him to a catch-up lunch. ****It was Mark who was joining Holly on her brief vacation to Italy, and it was Mark who chartered the plane which flew Holly from Milan to Truro when Louisa's baby was born. At the wedding, Holly told Louisa this noble deed made her fall in love with Mark: he is so sentimental – and so rich!**

**Louisa has not heard from Gordon since shortly after Philip's birth when a postal carton was delivered to her cottage. It contained a prettily-wrapped collection of children's books from Gordon along with a stuffed lamb from his daughters and a hand drawn card. **

**In a separate note, Gordon wrote that Chris Parsons had forwarded her birth announcement to him, and he offered his congratulations to her and Martin. The books are favorites of his daughters, and he hopes Philip will enjoy them. The girls were with him when he bought the books and asked if they could send the lamb. He hopes she doesn't mind.**

**Louisa sent a thank you note to Gordon at St. Thomas's and added a tongue-in-cheek comment about the wrapping. Gordon responded with an email admitting that while the gifts were "professionally wrapped," his daughters had made the card themselves. Then nothing. Finally, she tries to accept that life has probably changed as much for him as it has for her. With Philip her life is very busy, touching on hectic.**

**Gordon has tried to make his life change as well. Now that Cecily and the architect are married, she has not missed a weekend with the girls. Charlotte and Evelyn have met with Gwynn a few times, and she assured Gordon that they have adjusted well to their mother's new husband. He has three daughters in university, and the girls are quite enchanted by them. **

**Shortly before the wedding, the architect invited Gordon to dinner and for what he called "a civilized chat about the matter." Of course, Gordon knew everything about the architect that Google could provide and was prepared to tolerate him for the girls. By the end of the evening – to his chagrin – he actually liked Cecily's new husband. He is very booted and suited and moves in the social circles that appeal to Cecily. Not for Gordon, but he knows this is the type of life and man Cecily wants.**

**In a meeting with Gwynn, he conceded that the last few years had been difficult, but he is well over Cecily. He is pleased she is seeing their daughters and truly wishes her the best.**

**Then Gwynn asked about Louisa. What followed was a very long, agonizing discussion during which Gordon finally acknowledged that Louisa may never contact him. He can live with that, but only just. **

**A few weeks later, Gwynn pressed on him the name and number of a woman she assured him is not a patient but a divorced mum from her son's school. Gordon may reconsider Gwynn's professional abilities as this mum spent a tearful dinner describing her ex-husband's virtues and how much she loved and missed him. A mere mortal like Gordon would never replace her husband. He agreed with her. **

**Giving up on divorced women, Freia Manning's partner, Elizabeth, introduced him to a successful stockbroker who asked if he would like to impregnate her through artificial insemination or "naturally." At 42, her biological clock is ticking madly and her parents want a grandchild. She specifically asked her friends to find an intelligent man, but she wants his genes, not his mind. Perhaps Freia and Elizabeth should tell her how they produced their two children!**

**Gordon has shared these adventures with Amelia who advises him to find a woman on his own. Surely he sees women every day who spark interest. Just talk to one and see what comes of it. Gordon admits he is a little out of practice having last dated in the 20****th**** Century, so Amelia and young Mr. Seidel offer to take him for a drink and to show him 21****st**** Century courtship rituals. **

**On a Friday evening, the week before Christmas, they leave St. Thomas's at 6 in Gordon's Volvo and drive to a wine bar in Canary Wharf. The scene inside is quite alien to Gordon but well-known to Amelia and – to his surprise – young Mr. Seidel. They push their way through the crowd to a spot where they can see much preening as men and women offer themselves to each other. Amelia points out the parted lips, tossed hair, crossing and uncrossing of legs which seem to afflict the women. Seidel notes the aggressive posture of the men, the nonchalance as they leave a 10 pound note for a 5 pound drink and the constant fingering and checking of mobiles by both sexes. **

**All of the women seem to be very thin and very skimpily dressed for such a cold evening. The men are a little heavier, not quite as attractive and are more warmly dressed in well-tailored suits with monochromatic shirts or jumpers. According to Seidel, they are among the highly paid young men of London, and this recommends them more than their looks. **

**After two glasses of wine, Gordon remains confused and agrees to follow Amelia's advice to find someone on his own. Suggesting they be off, Amelia and Seidel say they may stay a bit longer. It occurs to Gordon that Amelia's demonstration of how the women attract men seems to have worked on Seidel. He is standing taller and much closer to Amelia than earlier in the evening. Just now she tossed her hair, he ****smiled at her comment, and then she patted his thigh. Even Gordon could make out what that means.**

**Once out of the heavy downtown traffic, Gordon engages in a time-honored 20****th**** Century tradition: the phone call to the woman he can't forget.**

**Philip has finally settled to sleep and Louisa is beginning a quick supper when her mobile rings. She has taken a bite of omelet and mumbles: "Louisa Glasson." She hears laughter and then "Gordon Day." Quickly, she swallows, has a sip of tea and exclaims: "Gordon, Happy Christmas! How are you? How are the girls? How is Margaret – and her family? Is Alma still with you? Are you doing surgery two or three days a week now? Are you still running? How are the med school twits? How's the Volvo? What are you reading? Are the girls excited about Father Christmas?"**

"**God, Louisa, if I knew you were going to ask so many bloody questions, I would have sent an email. At least you kept those short!"**

**And there it is. What she has missed: that wit, that ease. What began her day with a smile, now has her smiling again. Not actually smiling, more like grinning, widely grinning.**

**She is so happy talking to Gordon. He answers each of her questions and then he poses many of his own which she answers. He explains where he has been tonight but not exactly why. He does tell her how Seidel and Amelia became smitten with each other over two glasses of wine and wonders how awkward Monday may be at hospital.**

**Louisa mentions that Martin has to be in Switzerland next week, but should be in Portwenn for Christmas. Tomorrow afternoon is the school play and party for staff afterward. Louisa is giving the teachers knitted hats this year which she bought on the web from a Cornish craft group near Newquay. Like Gordon's box of birthday gifts, they came pre-wrapped. **

**At Gordon's urging, Louisa has continued with her meal. Saying he is very hungry and may make an omelet once home, Gordon has but one problem: he has no idea how to do so. She assures him it is quite easy and then describes the process. At the end, he exhales deeply: "I wish you were here to make an omelet for me, Louisa." Not sure what to say, Louisa has a sip of tea and finally responds: "Yes, that would be nice. Or if you ever brought the girls to Portwenn, I could make omelets for all of you."**

**Trying to change the subject, Louisa asks what he is doing for Christmas. "Being very foolhardy," he responds. Margaret and her family along with the grandparents are coming to Gordon's house. She asks if he needs links to books about hosting Christmas as he has likely made no preparations.**

**Of course she is right. But really how difficult does it have to be? He is going on line tonight and ordering everything pre-wrapped, including the Christmas goose. He has no idea why women make such a fuss about Christmas and Boxing Day. It is all so very easy when you are as efficient and organized as he is.**

**Perhaps he'll write a book about it and make a fortune. In one photo, he'll be pictured grasping long lists of chores and frantic about Christmas. In the other he'll be seated in an armchair next to a glowing Christmas tree with a well-presented buffet at the ready. **

**Louisa laughs saying: "Be sure they show the dimple in your right cheek. That alone would sell books." Oh, God, why did she ever say that? **

**Gordon chuckles: "Yes, but what about the rest of me?" Without thinking, she responds: "I like the rest of you as well." Not, again! She has been drinking tea. It is Gordon who has had wine yet she is acting as if she had three glasses to his two. **

**Proving that he had wine, Gordon responds: "I like the rest of you as well, Louisa." And then neither says a thing, until Gordon laughs: "Well, now, that was a bit awkward!" "Yes," she responds, "but it needn't be. I've missed you Gordon, and I think we were just caught up in the moment and said a little more than we meant to say."**

"**You may be right, but I did mean to say I like you, and I've missed you as well. I've lost hope that you'll find me, so the wine gave me enough courage to phone you. It won't happen again, but one way or the other, I wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas. It's a wonderful time when you have that first Christmas with a baby. I hope you and Ellingham have a jolly Christmas with Philip. I promise when I lift my glass to the New Year, I will be thinking of you and wishing all of you well."**

"**So very kind of you, Gordon, Good night. Happy Christmas to everyone." **

**Continued. . . . **


	33. Chapter 33

**A Belated Christmas**

**By late afternoon on Christmas Day, Louisa finally agrees with Joan that Martin is not coming to Portwenn today. As they begin their long-delayed dinner, Martin returns Louisa's earlier call. He worked late and missed his flight from Basel. Although he took the train to Zurich, there are no flights tonight with connections to either Truro or Plymouth. Could he wait until New Year's Eve to visit them? **

**Joan throws up her hands, and Louisa responds: "Of course. Philip had a big day and is so tired, he'll only nurse and go to sleep early. We will see you next week. Happy Christmas, Martin. Want to speak with Joan?" Joan is adamantly shaking her head 'no,' but Louisa hands the phone to her. **

"**Happy Christmas, Marty. How's the study going then? Brilliant. Sounds like it's worth missing your child's first Christmas. We shall see you in the New Year. Cheers."**

**Ordinarily, Louisa would have been outraged by Joan's comment, but she understands her disappointment. Joan threw herself into preparations for Philip's first Christmas and planned a festive day. Philip is so young that he probably did not notice Martin's absence, but Louisa knows Joan is annoyed.**

**Without saying a thing to each other, they carefully make no mention of Martin during dinner. Rather they talk of Philip and gossip a bit about Danny Steel's new girlfriend who seems to be about 15 years his junior.**

**Yesterday, she and Joan took Philip to High Trees where he is a favourite. After tea with Danny's mother and her new husband, Malcolm, Danny arrived with Cassandra, a self-proclaimed fashion designer who was wearing a flowing black cape lined in scarlet. Joan archly remarked that Cassandra probably thought she would be wandering about the moors and wanted to dress the part. **

**Louisa and Joan agree to meet for Boxing Day at the MacKenzies and then go on to the pub for John McNulty's annual hake chowder dinner. She is looking forward to both gatherings as they planned such a small Christmas in deference to Martin. Of course, she will bring Philip as so many people have asked after him. **

**Martin does come to Joan's farm on New Year's Eve with a bag of gifts from the duty-free shop: Perfume for Louisa, chocolates for Joan and a complicated wooden train for Philip. Martin and his aunt spend the afternoon entranced by Philip's every move, while Louisa prepares supper with a glad heart and hope for the New Year. **

**Back in her cottage that night, Martin enters the second bedroom as she is winding Philip after nursing. He takes him from her, kisses him several times and then rocks him in his arms before placing him on his cot. Louisa always reacts warmly when she sees Martin hold Philip and her frustration over Christmas lessens considerably.**

**They have not made love since Guy Fawkes Day, which Louisa easily recalls because of the bonfire burning at the harbour. She bought a pretty red nightdress for Christmas and pulls it from a drawer to wear for Martin. Perhaps he will find it appealing and sleep with her tonight. **

**After having a shower, Martin comes into her bedroom saying he will stay in Philip's room should he awaken before his time to nurse. Louisa tries to be a bit flirtatious and puts her arms around his neck so that Martin can easily see her considerable cleavage. He pulls away from her and without even a kiss, wishes her a Happy New Year and walks into Philip's room. **

**Having no time together has been difficult, but Martin does try so with Philip. Only ****that is important. As she nods off, Louisa thinks that Martin is very tired, and she must be more understanding. He is so rarely in Portwenn that she should appreciate the time he gives to Philip and how much he helps her. This year has been very trying for Martin. Louisa said the same to Bert Large, who narrowed his eyes and commented: "Well, my lovely, you've had no bed of roses working and taking care of the wee one on your own."**

**When Philip awakens near 3:00, the light is on downstairs, and she hears Martin at the computer. After using the loo, she nurses Philip and returns to bed. Martin is asleep when she goes to Philip in the morning and does not come downstairs until 9:00. **

**He has been trying to talk more about his work and, as she prepares a late breakfast for him, he relates an amusing story about one of the Swiss researchers who drank a bit too much at the Christmas party and climbed to the top of a Christmas tree in downtown Basel. For the highly-disciplined Swiss, this is an outrage, and the poor researcher has been skulking about like a medieval penitent.**

**Although well rid of the study, Martin said it is secondary to his relief at finishing therapy with that martinet of a psychologist. Several times Louisa tried to talk with him about what he went through, but he would only say it was a hideous process. It likely was awful to endure, but Louisa is grateful that the doctor helped Martin manage his phobia and return to surgery. She knows this will make everything change for the better.**

**Trying to lighten his mood, she mentions that Chris and Susan Parsons took a day trip to the village last week with their children to welcome the new GP. They stopped by for tea and to see Philip. She opens her computer and shows photos of Philip and their baby, John, and one of everyone standing outside the cottage with Louisa holding John and Susan holding Philip. **

**Louisa asks Martin if he talked to Chris and Susan at Christmas. No, he and Chris had a row over the birth announcement she sent to Chris. It seems he forwarded it to a few people Martin knows from med school and St. Thomas's, and Martin found it quite embarrassing. One of his former registrars sent the message to her husband at Imperial, and it made its way to Robert Southwood and other colleagues. This was especially difficult for Martin as he had only begun assisting with surgeries at Imperial. **

**Three months ago, when Joan finally persuaded Martin to have Philip christened, he would not invite the Parsons to the ceremony. Now Louisa understands why. But this is the first she has heard of the argument or that Martin was embarrassed when people learned of Philip's birth.**

**She tries to squelch her rising insecurity over Martin, but she is soon thinking that no one was to know that Martin has a child. None of his colleagues, his few friends, no one. He played at worrying his parents would find out about the baby, when he really wanted no one to know about Philip and, of course, her. **

**Striving to keep peace, Louisa apologizes to Martin saying she did not know Chris would forward the announcement. He and everyone on the PCT board saw she was pregnant at the June meeting, and they asked to be told when the baby was born. **

"**Chris said the same thing and couldn't understand why I'd be embarrassed. He didn't have to grow up being at the short end of everyone's joke like I did. He doesn't understand how it is to be laughed at because of a meaningless mistake."**

**If Louisa contained herself earlier, she must grip the table not to shout at Martin: "a meaningless mistake" - this is what you call this beautiful baby?**

**Instead, she pats Martin's arm saying: "I hope you and Chris patch things up. He and Susan have been such good friends to you. Again, I'm sorry for sending the announcement to him. It was my fault you had the row. I apologize, Martin."**

"**It's fine. It's done, and everyone has now forgotten about it. People congratulated me, and I had some cards. I should send them on to you in case you want to keep them – for the baby – for Philip. My secretary can get them to you if you like."**

"**Oh, that's not necessary Martin. If you don't want them, you can bin them. Philip received so many cards here that he has plenty to remember the people who cared about his birth." **

"**Yes, I suppose he does."**

**Martin finishes breakfast and then alternates between reading journals and reading to Philip. Around 1:00, Louisa tucks Philip into his pram and asks Martin if he would like to have a walk with them as the wind has calmed a bit. No, he will meditate while they are out. When they return Martin is gone, leaving a note saying he was called back to London and will phone in a few days. **

**Louisa nurses Philip and makes tea for herself. After that she reluctantly opens her computer to catch up on emails before the new term begins tomorrow. The holiday has been too short, and she is not ready for her busy schedule to resume. Most are from parents whose children will miss school tomorrow. One is from Stu MacKenzie with his "New Year Message" to the staff. The last is from Gordon Day saying "I raised my glass to the New Year and to you, Philip and Ellingham." **

**Louisa quickly responds: "Gordon, I want to see you. Louisa." **

**Continued. . . . .**


	34. Chapter 34

**A Happier New Year**

**It all seemed so plausible when Louisa responded to Gordon's email. They would meet for lunch, and his laughter and warmth would be the balm against Martin's scalding remarks about her and Philip. But how can she possibly go to Plymouth, push a pram into a restaurant and meet a man who has every reason to question her sanity. Tonight she will email Gordon and cancel. It was a brilliant idea but not quite right. **

**Later that evening, Caroline phones to ask if Louisa and Philip want to spend Saturday at her home. Tom is in Munich for a week, and she would love to have their company. They can listen to music, watch mindless telly and catch up after the holiday. For someone who makes no secret of her disdain for children, Caroline enjoys Philip and has been most helpful to Louisa. If she weren't the oldest of six children and had taken care of far too many babies, Caroline claims she would have wanted six of her own. This way she can cuddle, spoil and pamper Philip and then hand him back to Louisa. **

**Louisa talks a bit around the subject and finally asks Caroline if Philip could stay with her while she meets a friend for lunch in Plymouth. This is the entrée Caroline has awaited since Philip's birth: "Who's the friend then – Dr. Day?" Before Louisa can think of another response, she replies "Yes." She tries to stammer out the story, but Caroline interrupts: "Louisa, I know." Caroline relates what happened the night Philip was born and how she put two and two together after reading a few of their email exchanges.**

**Describing her alternating attraction to Gordon and confusion over him, Louisa has tried to force him from her mind, but can't seem to do so. Perhaps if she meets him for lunch, they can thrash out their odd attachment one way or the other. Philip begins to fuss and poke at her jersey indicating he wants supper. Louisa rings off thanking Caroline for her help.**

**Before Philip's early morning nursing on Saturday, Louisa uses her breast pump so that there will be extra milk for Caroline. Then she feeds Philip stored milk from a bottle, and he drinks it quickly not seeming to care how he receives his breakfast. **

**When he falls asleep, Louisa has a long shower and washes her hair. Her weight has finally reached its pre-pregnancy level, but it has shifted. Her breasts and waist are larger while her arms and legs are thinner. Cocoa butter has lightened the stretch marks on her stomach, but they remain very evident. With all of this, she still feels more attractive than last April when she and Gordon met at the same restaurant. **

**At Caroline's Louisa tries to tell her about Gordon, but she suggests that Louisa simply go to Plymouth, enjoy herself and not worry about Philip. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of Sir Philip for a day. Your Christmas was horrid, so let this lunch make up for it. You deserve a bit of fun after this year."**

**Gordon arrives at the hotel where the conference was held and finds an eager staff welcoming him on a slow post-holiday weekend. The receptionist wants to upgrade him to a suite, but he declines asking only for a room with a view of the harbour. Packing his running kit means that he has a larger piece of luggage than is needed for the brief overnight trip, and the receptionist is disappointed he will be there only one night. **

**Christmas at Gordon's home proved a bit disastrous. Ordering most of the dinner from on-line purveyors, Gordon found he had too much food for his family. On Boxing Day they were invited to a neighbour's gathering, so Christmas leftovers were served the next day. The result was food poisoning which made everyone ill for the remainder of Christmas week. Only Gordon was spared. Just as well, because he took on nursing duties for four adults and four children.**

**After that unpleasant week, Gordon feels he does deserve time away and is looking forward to seeing Louisa. Charlotte and Evelyn are staying with Freia, Elizabeth and their two daughters who attend the same school. On Saturday afternoon, they will join Gordon's neighbor, Samira, and her three girls for an ice show featuring characters from the princess films they adore. Missing the ice show is another reason he is happy to be away this particular weekend. **

**Gordon has timed his trip so that he could check into the hotel and then go directly to the restaurant. He can't bear waiting about, especially for Louisa. He showered and shaved early this morning before his flight from London. Perhaps he should have another shower in case the reason he decided to spend the night actually happens. He can't let himself think that and hasn't even bought condoms. He is so sure that nothing is going to happen with Louisa and having unneeded condoms would make him feel even more pathetic.**

**If the lunch leads to nothing else, he will have a run and call Chris Parsons on the chance they can meet on Sunday. It is short notice, of course, but he doesn't want to set up something with Chris only to cancel it should Louisa stay. My God, why is this so complicated? **

**He thinks back to the wine bar and the behaviour of the young men. When Louisa leaves, he may give up and go to the nearest wine bar and start throwing about 10 pound notes. Resorting to what he does understand, he reasons that statistically some woman will eventually find him worthwhile. Maybe that is all he needs and this waiting for Louisa is so 20th Century when he should be living in the 21st Century.**

**In that frame of mind, Gordon decides not to shower and walks to the restaurant. This time he will be there well before Louisa arrives.**

**Louisa drives her car into the same municipal car park which is nearly empty today and walks quickly through the biting wind to the restaurant. She has her hair pulled up and back, and the hood of her coat is covering it. When she enters the restaurant, Gordon is waiting and looks at her with an appreciative smile. Taking her hand he says: "At least you're not pregnant this time." They both laugh as they are lead to a table, again overlooking the harbour. Like the hotel, few people are about, and the staff is overly attentive. **

**The waiter who bet Gordon was dining with his mother or favourite aunt lost the wager as did the one who thought he was a lecherous professor meeting an impressionable university student. This woman looks like she could be his sister or wife, but he appears much too happy to be meeting either. **

**The gentleman has ordered a very nice bottle of Pouilly-Fuisee, and the waiter is already calculating his tip. He did overhear the lady say she had pumped this morning so she can have a bit of wine. Pumping – whatever could she mean?**

**A few more people enter the restaurant, so the staff's attention is taken from Louisa and Gordon. Just as well. They are laughing and talking so intently that no hint of their relationship could be easily ascertained. Gordon is regaling Louisa with the tale of what will be known in his family chronicles as "The Christmas Gordon Poisoned Us." Never has he made so much tea nor done so much laundry in such a short amount of time. No more ordering Christmas on-line!**

**Having each had a glass of wine, the waiter hovers, concerned that they still haven't ordered lunch. They pause long enough from what seems to be a very serious conversation for Gordon to order turbot and Louisa a fish stew. **

**Smiles return as Louisa recounts Boxing Day at Stu MacKenzie's home and John's pub dinner afterward. Following her disappointing Christmas Day – which she does not describe - it was good to be among friends. ****Louisa left Martin's Aunt Joan at the pub singing bawdy songs with the lifeboat crew and a pack of surfers. At dawn, Louisa bundled up Philip and drove to Joan's farm where she fed the chickens, helped about the farm and made pots of strong tea for Joan. **

**Again hesitating to interrupt them, the waiter finally asks if they want to end the meal with a sweet or cheese. Deciding to indulge a bit, they will have coffee and share a dense chocolate mousse. Louisa recalls the evening she and Martin shared the pear tart in London, and it remains a painful reminder of her dashed hopes for that weekend. ****As with Martin, she finds it somewhat erotic eating the rich mousse with Gordon and tries to force that thought from her mind. She must think of something amusing to continue their friendly lunch. **

**Fortunately, Gordon asks if she would like to walk about Plymouth – maybe visit the maritime museum or one of the galleries near the harbour. Relieved to be distracted from her thoughts, Louisa smiles and nods. **

**Before leaving the restaurant, she calls Caroline to check on Philip. She assures Louisa that he misses her, although he was eager for lunch and is now sleeping contentedly. Restraining herself, Caroline asks nothing about Gordon and only repeats her admonition to have fun.**

**Continued. . . . **


	35. Chapter 35

**A Bit of Fun**

**Outside it is a little colder and Louisa pulls up the hood of her coat and wraps a scarf about her neck. Gordon is wearing only a jacket and scarf and regrets not bringing his overcoat. They enter a gallery for the warmth, and Louisa is taken with some brightly colored contemporary paintings. Asking Gordon what he thinks of them, he replies: "They're nice."**

"**Okay, then," she laughs, "we're off to the maritime museum. It's perfect for you." **

**Louisa takes Gordon's hand as they hurry down the street unable to talk because of the wind. At the museum, he exclaims: "Brilliant. This is the type of place I love to bring the girls. Everything is easy to understand and nothing is fragile." They walk through several exhibits and then climb from the first to second floor to examine the hull of a ship suspended between the two stories. **

**Many people are leaving the lifts near the ship and walking down a nearby corridor. Thinking it may be an interesting exhibit, they follow. Outside a large room, a guide explains there will be a programme by a group which plays music from the 1960s and 1970s – mostly by the Beatles. They perform each month and are very popular.**

**Louisa relates that her mother loved the Beatles, and her dad said mum would dance about with her while listening to their music. She now does the same with Philip. They find seats at the back of the room and soon four gray-haired, somewhat portly men appear to play the old songs Louisa remembers from her mother.**

**Like many people in the room, Louisa stands to dance and sing along with the group. Gordon enjoys the music and watching her but can't bring himself to join in. The last song before intermission is "I Want to Hold Your Hand," and Louisa pulls Gordon to his feet. Her joy is infectious and Gordon finds himself singing the chorus, "I want to hold your hand," while gazing at Louisa and doing just that. God, she is beautiful. After that miserable trip from London to Portwenn, she probably thought she'd never be happy again. Now she is and that alone makes Gordon happy. **

**After the programme ends, Louisa asks the guide if they have a nursing area in the museum. They do, but it is closed this weekend while a plumbing problem is being repaired. She recommends a children's bookseller nearby. Somewhat embarrassed, Louisa tells Gordon that she must express her breast milk and is going to visit the shop. She'll say goodbye to him now and then return to Portwenn. **

**Gordon has so enjoyed Louisa at lunch and the concert that he did not expect the day to end so soon. He offers to accompany her to the shop, select some books for his daughters, and then walk with her to the car park. It is now getting dark, and he would feel better – actually having more time with her does make him feel better. **

**They walk to the bookstore and find that it has closed. Louisa asks if there is a coffee shop close-by, and he did see one near the hotel. They turn in the opposite direction and hurry to the shop. It has only a unisex lavatory, and not a very clean one at that. **

"**So much for the ease of breastfeeding a baby," she laughs. **

"**Louisa, I plan to run this evening. If you want to use my room, I'll have a run." She thanks him, but wonders if it isn't too cold for a run. **

"**Not all that bad really. You've been dragging me all about Plymouth in the frigid wind, and now I am immune to the cold. Come on – let's get to the hotel before I have frostbite."**

**In Gordon's room, he removes his jacket and takes his running kit into the bath. He emerges minutes later ready to run. He even has a knit hat which he promises not to wear until he is out of Louisa's sight. Looking at her breast pump, he suggests she proceed with her medieval torture device.**

**Her breasts are very engorged and as she begins to pump, she breathes a sigh of relief. Then she calls Caroline again. Philip has just gone to his cot, but he is not asleep, so Louisa sings to him. In a few minutes Caroline returns saying he is sleeping now and had a good day. Louisa explains that she is pumping but should leave Plymouth shortly. "Oh, Louisa, stay as long as you like. Sir Philip has awakened a maternal instinct that I thought was lost years ago. He is such a dear boy."**

**Sitting in an arm chair with her feet on a hassock, Louisa feels quite cozy. On a side table Gordon left a copy of the "British Medical Journal." Having nothing else to read, she leafs through it and finds an article about the return of tuberculosis in developed countries. Many of the cases were identified in nursery schools, and this is of great interest to Louisa, particularly as they had a case at Portwenn Primary. **

**After 20 minutes she has finished the article and pumping. Traces of the wine from lunch may be in her milk, so Louisa discards it. Her production has been good, and she has a supply of frozen milk for Philip as well as the formula her hungry baby sometimes needs. Returning to the chair, she tries to read another article while waiting for Gordon. The early morning drive and wine have made her drowsy and she is soon asleep. **

**On his way back to the hotel, Gordon stops at a small grocer to buy water for himself and juice for Louisa. She mentioned that the wine at lunch was a welcome change after drinking much too much orange juice during her pregnancy and nursing. Among the juices is a cherry raspberry blend which Louisa might like. With no time for supper before leaving, he selects a few apples, biscuits and a wedge of cheese for her trip. He adds her favourite, a Kit Kat bar, and smiles knowing she'll eat it first. **

**Louisa is sleeping when he returns, and he'll let her rest for the drive to Portwenn. Calling Freia's home to wish Charlotte and Evelyn goodnight, Elizabeth reports that they are too busy playing princess and won't talk to him. She assures him that the girls had fun today and really do miss him. **

**After he showers and dresses, Louisa remains asleep, so Gordon checks emails. Only a few routine announcements from St. Thomas's and one from Margaret saying her family has fully recovered. They are even thinking of forgiving him for ruining their Christmas week in London. **

**If he switches on the telly that might awaken Louisa, so he retrieves the journal from her lap and stretches out on the bed to read. An hour or so later, Louisa awakens and finds Gordon asleep. She smiles thinking what an exciting pair they are – she has to pump breast milk and falls asleep, then he has a run and falls asleep. It is after 9:00 and Louisa must return to Portwenn.**

**After using the loo and packing her pump case, Louisa gently shakes Gordon saying that she is leaving and can make her way to the car park alone. He has been lying on his side and rolls to his back. Stretching, he drowsily looks at her and mumbles, "Hullo beautiful." She sits next to him on the bed and strokes his hair. He looks so sweet with his sleep-softened face that she would like nothing more than to curl up with him and let the night develop as it may.**

**Gordon takes her hand and reminds Louisa of their agreement made at lunch: she will phone him only if she is ever done with Ellingham. Until then, there will be no contact between them. And he is fine with that. Who knows if Louisa will ever contact him again or if he'll even want to see her. They had a wonderful time today, and he'll leave it at that. He can get over her. He can do nothing else. **

**He helps Louisa with her coat, dons his and opens the door. They say little in the lift or on the walk to the car park. Several times, Louisa tries to explain in an apologetic way, but Gordon quiets her saying: "It's quite alright. We had a good day. That's what you wanted – a bit of fun and a catch up." **

**At the car park, Louisa says "of course" she will drive him back to the hotel – it is so cold. "Not necessary, Louisa. I feel like walking tonight." He places the bag of apples and such in her car, and she rolls her eyes as she sees the Kit Kat bar: "You know me all too well." **

**Gordon is a bit stiff as she tries to hug him, and Louisa can manage only small peck on his right cheek. She knows him too well. Gordon wishes her good night and a safe trip, and she wishes him the same. As Louisa drives from the car park, he waves and turns in the direction of the hotel. **

**On his way there, he leaves a message for Chris Parsons saying he is in Plymouth and asking if they can meet on Sunday. Chris rings as Gordon enters his room, and they arrange for breakfast in the morning. When Chris asks what brought him to Plymouth, Gordon responds: "Had to meet someone for lunch." **

"**Was it a job interview, Gord? Because if you want to leave London, we have several good surgical postings in the PCT."**

"**No. I wish it were that simple. Let's just say I proved Ellingham's point that I'm an ass and leave it at that."**

**Chris laughs: "You're never going to get over Ellingham are you?"**

**Gordon thinks, maybe I'll get over Ellingham.**

**Continued . . . . **


	36. Chapter 36

**A Missed Dinner**

**Louisa is so happy driving home from the March PCT meeting. Chris Parsons just told her that Martin has been appointed the chief of vascular surgery at Imperial Hospital. He went through so much to control his haemophobia and worked so diligently on the dreaded study, now his efforts have been rewarded. Once settled in the new post, she hopes he'll have more time for Philip. **

**Now that Martin no longer travels to Basel, they returned to their ambitious plan which has Martin coming to Portwenn every other weekend. He flies into Truro on Saturday morning, Louisa and Philip meet him and then drive to Portwenn. Tommy Mills takes him to the airport late Sunday afternoon for his return flight to London. **

**In early February when Martin's visits resumed, all went well. He spent most of that weekend playing with or reading to Philip as well as cooking with Louisa. They made pots of soup and stew so that she would have meals through the week with no need to cook. Louisa did not realize how much she needed an extra set of hands until Martin provided them. While she had two things to do, Martin now does one of them, and she appreciates the extra bit of time.**

**Martin will be in Portwenn on Saturday, and he'll likely tell her about his new appointment. Perhaps they can celebrate, even if they only have lunch together and bring Philip with them. They will be together as a family. **

**On the drive from Truro, Martin apologizes for missing his last scheduled weekend and urges Louisa to have lunch with Caroline and Sally. He'll mind Philip and tidy the cottage while she is out. Louisa is glad to see her friends and celebrates with a glass of wine. Coming home, she is worried about Martin scolding her and tries to avoid him by looking in on Philip. Unfortunately, he is napping and Martin is in his room putting away baby items she washed that morning. He stoops to give Louisa a quick kiss and asks: "Did you have wine with lunch?" **

**Of course, it is better not to drink wine while nursing, but she has stored milk and intends to pump and discard the new milk. Instead of a reprimand, Martin takes her in his arms and kisses her. Wine has always made her amorous, and soon they are pulling off their clothes and in bed together. **

**It has been many months since they made love, and Louisa is quite passionate with Martin. She has missed this intimacy. But after being so roundly rebuffed by him in January, she decided to no longer take the initiative with sex. As they finish with their legs entwined, he quips: "Please add this to the schedule." She swats him on the bum saying: "Get out of bed you worthless sod and bring me my breast pump. You've made my milk come in early." **

**For the rest of the weekend, the three of them huddle together in their own little world inside the cottage. An hour before Tommy is to pick up Martin, they each open their computers to check email. To Louisa, this signals that the weekend is ending. Somehow if they do it together, it is less sad for her.**

**Her computer will not switch on, and she asks Martin to check it. He looks at it, but his level of expertise is the same as hers. Perhaps it is the power cord - he has a spare in his case and they can try it. As Martin is looking, his mobile rings and he walks toward the terrace where reception is better. It seems to be someone from Imperial, and Martin steps outside. **

**Louisa continues her search for the power cord and comes across a stiff white envelope from Claire Southwood addressed to Miss Louisa V. Glasson and Mr. Martin C. Ellingham at Martin's London address. Thinking Martin forgot about it, she removes a card from the opened envelope. It is a formal invitation to a dinner in honor of Martin held on March 22, the previous weekend. It was hosted by Robert and Claire Southwood at what Louisa knows is a very posh hotel in London and seems to be in celebration of his new appointment.**

**It does not say that but only "to honour our colleague at Imperial Hospital." My God, she thinks, I wonder if Martin failed to attend the dinner. It would be like him to do such a thing, but she dare not ask him because he did not mention his new title. She tucks the card back into the envelope and returns it to his case. Finding a spare power cord in an outside pocket, she quickly connects it to her computer. **

**After Martin has left and Philip is asleep, Caroline calls asking if she is in trouble with Martin for drinking wine on Saturday. Louisa laughs saying he actually seemed to enjoy the results. While talking about Martin, Louisa mentions the invitation and jokes that he probably missed the dinner at the fancy hotel she names, just as he forgot to tell her about the invitation.**

**Caroline stops her: "What do you mean? You were invited to a dinner honouring him and he didn't tell you about it?" With Caroline's question, it only now occurs to Louisa what Martin did. She can hear a computer clicking in the background and Caroline soon says: "I've just gone to the hotel's website and checked 'recent events.' It shows the dinner was held last Saturday and was planned for 378 people. My God, Louisa, that's a huge do. There is no way Martin could have missed it. Let me see if any press covered it."**

**Again, Louisa hears Caroline's computer, and she returns: "Apparently this was also a fundraiser for Doctors Without Borders. It was mentioned on a charity site and linked to the DWB website. There are photos and a long piece on the dinner. Do you want me to send the link?"**

"**Oh no, Caro, it's fine."**

"**Look, Louisa, you never follow my advice about Martin, but you have to talk to him about this. You were invited to that dinner, and he clearly did not want you there. That is, quite frankly, a despicable thing to do. Either you are involved with the man or you aren't." **

"**Caroline, let me go on to bed now. I'll think of a way to talk with Martin about this the next time he's here. I promise."**

**After ringing off, Louisa goes immediately to the Doctors Without Borders website and finds the information Caroline discovered. The article says that Martin had volunteered with the group and notes his new appointment at Imperial Hospital. Claire Southwood, a long-time volunteer and fundraiser for the group, is quoted: "My husband and I thought it would be a wonderful way to honour Mr. Ellingham. He has overcome a great deal to return to surgery. All of us are terribly pleased for him." **

**There are several photos. In one Martin is standing in the middle, unfortunately looking quite handsome in a tuxedo, with Claire at one side and Robert at the other. Also in the picture are the much-maligned Jonathan Lieder and his wife, along with a very elegant woman identified as Dr. Teodora Varga-Nagy, and her husband. Martin has never mentioned her, and Louisa wonders if she is the chief of surgery he replaced. **

**Another photo includes doctors from Imperial who work with Martin. She sees the Ranpurias and recalls them and their two young children from St. Thomas's. The only unsmiling person at the table is a thin woman with short dark hair whose face Louisa doesn't recognize but whose name she does: "Dr. Noelle Giffen, a former epidemiologist for Doctors Without Borders and now a General Practitioner in Devon," the caption reads. **

**In the last photo, surgeons who once were registrars on Mr. Ellingham's team at St. Thomas's Hospital, London, hold their glasses in a salute to Martin. It must have been late in the evening as they appear a bit tipsy, but Louisa immediately spots Gordon. ****The caption underneath the photo identifies the woman to his right, the one whose shoulder he is hugging, as Freia Manning. She is tall, blond, athletic and somewhat reminds Louisa of Susan Parsons. She is probably the Miss Manning who has Martin's old office at St. Thomas's. The one he said was particularly brilliant. What Martin wouldn't notice is that she is also pretty. Quite pretty and a brilliant surgeon.**

**No need to say a thing to Martin about the invitation, she reasons. Louisa realizes he probably did not want to attend the dinner but did so only to help Claire Southwood with her fundraising. Why would he think Louisa might want to attend such a dinner? Caroline doesn't understand that Martin not telling her about the dinner or his new appointment doesn't bother her at all. She knows her place in his life. **

**What bothers her, and in fact hurts quite a bit, is seeing Gordon with his arm around the pretty, brilliant surgeon, Freia Manning. What man wouldn't find her irresistible? **

**Continued . . . .**


	37. Chapter 37

**A Mayday Call**

**It began after that blasted dinner conjured up by Claire Southwood. She made it out to be a fundraiser so that he would allow it, but it was not necessary and very embarrassing. That night he had the first nightmare: he was in the operating theatre, a routine procedure, nearly finished. First, the sweating and rapid heartbeat, then the nausea, followed by vomiting. A panic attack. Martin awoke not with the symptoms but with a sense of dread and foreboding that the haemophobia he had controlled was creeping back. Why else the nightmare?**

**But then, he reasons, the dinner recalled many unsettling memories, and this nightmare could be only a singular event. Robert Southwood invited Dr. Varga-Nagy to the dinner, and he was reminded of the grueling sessions he endured with her. That evening she again suggested continuing therapy, meeting with both him and Louisa. All the things he would not do. **

**He had no thought that Noelle Giffen would be at the dinner and barely had more than a brief word with her. She is making the best of the GP post in Devon, and her daughters are doing well in school. It was good of Martin to help her through the hiring process with Chris Parsons and the PCT. Only while thinking of Noelle later that night did the horrors of the refugee camps catch up with him: The hacked off limbs, the dying babies, the futility of it all. **

**Finally, that ass Gordon Day had the nerve to ask him about Louisa and Philip. "Fine. They're fine," he muttered before hurrying away. Thank God Louisa didn't know about the dinner. Claire Southwood was very put out that Louisa would not come to the dinner, but she needn't know that Martin had his reasons for keeping her away. **

**That first nightmare was not a one-time phenomenon. In the last few weeks, the nightmares have intensified and he has awakened with a rapid heartbeat, in a cold sweat and with his stomach churning. But tonight it's worse: he vomited. Stay calm, he thinks. The breathing techniques will stop it. And soon they do. In the morning, he will call Dr. Varga-Nagy. Perhaps, there is a method he can learn to control the nightmares. There have been no issues in surgery. So far, it is only the nightmares. **

**In the morning Dr. Varga-Nagy is at her sister's country home enjoying the May Day holiday weekend with their two families. It has been a blissful few days doting on her grandchildren, and Teodora is contemplating the joys of retirement. When her mobile rings, George glares at her from his side of the bed and commands: "Do not answer that Teo." **

**"Nonsense, it will take a minute. My patients know I'm away this weekend and would never phone." It is Martin Ellingham. She leaves the bed and walks onto the terrace to talk in private. She can feel her husband's eyes boring into her back. It was much easier before he retired. **

**Dr. Ellingham sounds quite upset as he describes the nightmares and asks if there is a technique he can learn to control them. **

"**Yes, there are many techniques. But you must still address the underlying problems. How is your relationship with Louisa and Philip? Are you seeing them consistently as you planned?"**

"**They have nothing to do with this. You know of my new appointment, and I sometimes must work on the weekends. I get to Portwenn as often as possible. Philip is nearly a year old and is a normal, healthy child. Quite brilliant, in fact."**

**Teodora is pleased that Dr. Ellingham seems at least quite enchanted by Philip. She continues.**

"**And what of Louisa? Are you getting on with her as well?"**

"**Yes. We both love Philip, and she is fine."**

**Of course, she thinks, he has mucked up everything with Louisa, believing ****surgery was all he needed in his life. He is finding that not to be the case, and his suppressed emotions are resurfacing. Teodora does not relish another battle of wills with Dr. Ellingham and, in fact, has little time for him. She is lecturing, writing and seeing patients only two days a week. And both days are scheduled well into the future. She is sorry, but there are no appointments available.**

"**Please, Dr. Varga-Nagy. You are the only one who can help me with this."**

**Dr. Ellingham's phobia is intriguing to her, and she is not surprised it is recurring. She told him more therapy was needed. Perhaps, he is now frightened enough to do the necessary work. Risking the ire of George, she asks: "Can you meet with me on Saturday mornings. Say, 10:00?"**

**Without thinking of his visits to Philip, Martin immediately answers: "Yes, should we start this week?" **

"**That will be fine. I'll see you at my office on Saturday." **

"**Yes, thank you."**

**Later, that day Martin phones Louisa saying that he will arrive a few hours later for his scheduled weekend with Philip. With great effort, she pleasantly responds: "I understand, Martin. Perhaps we should talk about bringing Philip to London this summer after term ends. It would be easier for you."**

"**We'll discuss it this weekend, Louisa," and Martin ends the call.**

**Louisa holds out her phone saying: "Have a good evening as well, Martin. God, what a rude man."**

**Louisa, herself, will be in London in early June for Holly's wedding to Mark Cordell. Holly will have her rich husband, and Mark will have Holly, who – he once ****confessed to Louisa – is the woman of his dreams. Holly's accident in Portwenn did somewhat change her, and Louisa hopes she will be kind to Mark. At Goldsmith's Mark helped Louisa through difficult periods with Danny Steele when she needed a male perspective on his behaviour.**

**Not unlike Gordon Day muses Louisa. Bloody hell, now she is going to start thinking about Gordon. She has tucked him in the back of her mind as she tries to deal with Martin being in London and maintaining a relationship between father and son. Louisa has her lovely memories of Gordon. But she has many more memories of Martin, including the one crawling about the floor with his cache of toys. **

**Perhaps, she could meet with Martin after the wedding, see his flat, and work out the logistics. Holly has offered Louisa her flat for the summer, as it will not be let until October. She and Philip could stay there and only visit Martin for an hour or so each evening and maybe a bit longer on the weekend. This way he would not be bothered with Philip's baby paraphernalia crowding his small flat. **

**Toward evening, Susan Parsons calls for a quick catch-up with Louisa. Breaking their ban on discussing Martin, Susan asks if he was in Portwenn for the long weekend. "No, he called but only to say he'll be here a bit later on Saturday."**

**Louisa then mentions her plan of bringing Philip to London for the summer. Martin might see him for only an hour or so a day, but Louisa believes it would be helpful to both. Susan agrees and provides ideas on how to broach the subject in terms of Philip's development. This should resonate with Martin.**

**Turning to a lighter subject, Susan chats about the St. Mary's dinner she and Chris recently attended in London. A surgeon Chris knows from med school was divorced a few years ago, and Chris suggested Susan help him meet women. She has always been known for her matchmaking skills, and they both laugh when she adds "with the exception of Ellingham."**

**Susan has made several attempts to introduce the surgeon to women she describes as "fantastic," but he found something wrong with each of them. "Picky," thinks Louisa. Susan brought her best candidate to the St. Mary's dinner: another psychologist who is divorced but has no children, is intelligent, pretty and quite amusing. Susan said that the two were getting on well and she thought the right woman had been found, especially when they left together for a nightcap.**

**The next day, the psychologist reported that while Chris's friend was charming, after probing by her, he admitted there was a woman he could not get over. Susan exclaims: "All of my efforts were for naught!"**

**Of course, thinks Louisa, he still loves his wife. She has heard this story so many times and asks Susan how often she encounters it as a psychologist. "Constantly," she sighs. "However, it wasn't his wife, but another woman, he met under strange circumstances."**

"**Oh dear, Susan, he sounds a bit strange himself. No wonder you're having trouble finding a woman for him. I wish you luck."**

"**No, he isn't strange at all. He is very smart and witty and told a story about med students that had us roaring. In fact, Gordon sometimes thinks his young daughters are more mature than the students."**

**Louisa gasps at the mention of Gordon, and Susan asks if she is okay.**

"**Sorry, I'm fine – almost dropped the dressing I'm mixing into a salad." But she can't resist asking Susan if the psychologist is going to see Gordon again. "No," laments Susan. "She liked him, but he must resolve his attachment to this woman before he can move on to someone new. Based on their conversation, he is still in love with her."**

**Susan must dash to prepare dinner and asks Louisa to phone her if she wants any help with Martin. Louisa will do so and let her know how he's faring. **

**Of course, Louisa can say nothing about Gordon to Susan. Intellectually, she is happy he is meeting women. If only she could feel the same way emotionally. She still misses Gordon terribly, but he obviously doesn't feel the same about her.**

**The woman he can't get over must be the pretty, blonde surgeon who was with him at Martin's dinner. Susan said he still loves the woman. Perhaps the surgeon will change her mind and realize that Gordon is actually quite loveable. **

**Continued . . . **


	38. Chapter 38

**A Wedding in London**

**The Saturday before Holly's wedding, Louisa goes shopping in Caroline's cupboard containing what she calls her London clothes. Although the wedding is at 1:00, Louisa has nothing suitable, or really nothing that will fit her somewhat changed figure. **

**With Philip watching from the bed, Louisa tries on any number of outfits. She and Caroline finally agree on a dark blue silk dress with a square neckline and a slightly flowing skirt. Should the day become fresh, Caroline has the perfect cream cashmere wrap with a faint blue paisley design. Her hair will be worn up, of course, along with her pearl earrings and necklace. Caroline assures her she will look perfectly acceptable at the proper wedding Holly has planned.**

**In late May, when Martin was last in Portwenn, Louisa followed Joan's suggestion and asked if he would accompany her to Holly's wedding. Philip might come as well and have a babyminder during the ceremony. Perhaps they could stay at Martin's flat Saturday night, and then visit a park with Philip on Sunday. **

**Martin has an important meeting on Saturday morning and then rounds with medical students in the afternoon. Dinner with Louisa might be possible on Saturday evening, but there is no need to bring Philip. The flat is small, and he will see Philip the following weekend in Portwenn.**

**Aunt Joan and the Bosmans will now care for Philip while she is in London. Caroline and Tom will have him on Friday night and Saturday while Joan makes her farm deliveries, and Joan will take him on Sunday to visit the "old dears" at High Trees. Louisa is anxious about leaving him overnight, but Tom Bosman convinces her he remains a dab hand with boys after raising his now-grown sons. **

**On Friday night, Louisa arrives at the hotel very late because of train delays near Dawlish. Rather than meet Isabelle and Jeremy for dinner, they have time only for a quick chat over a cup of tea. The next morning Louisa prepares carefully for the wedding as she does not want to embarrass Holly by appearing as a Portwenn yokel. **

**Isabelle is similarly intimidated and calls Louisa several times for opinions about hair, makeup, shoes and jewelry. Jeremy is laughing in the background while telling Isabelle she is beautiful no matter what Holly and her toffee-nosed friends think. She is a bit envious hearing the playful exchange between Isabelle and Jeremy and wishes she and Martin could banter in this way. **

**True to form, Holly's wedding is elegant and surprisingly sentimental. Holly wept as she gazed lovingly at Mark, while his voice broke as he recited his vows. Holly's two sisters are the matrons of honor, and Mark's brothers are the best man and groomsman. There are so many nieces and nephews that only a few participate in the wedding. All maintain a respectful silence, likely under orders from Aunt Holly. Louisa and Isabelle exchange amused glances as the young teachers from Holly's school eye with great disappointment the geeky young men from Mark's computer company. Mark is thrilled to see Louisa and Isabelle and whispers to Louisa that "dreams do come true." **

**Other friends from Goldsmith's are at the wedding, and the reception afterward is great fun. It is held in the top floor atrium of a technology museum in Knightsbridge where Mark is a board member. Like the museum in Plymouth, nothing is fragile or delicate, and Louisa watches as children scamper about the various exhibits on the floors below. She wonders if Gordon has ever brought his daughters to this museum or if Martin will some day bring Philip to play among the large displays.**

**At her table old friends are showing photos of their children, and Louisa eagerly pulls out first her phone and then the album of photos she created for Martin. He has seen so little of Philip that she wants him to have these photos and the notes she made throughout his first year. Recording her thoughts about Philip and events in his life has been as interesting as the journal she kept during her pregnancy.**

**By 5:00 Louisa is glancing at her watch as she must meet Martin at the French bistro in Kensington at 6:00. It is where they dined that fateful Saturday evening when Philip was likely conceived, but she did not want to dissuade Martin from seeing her by suggesting another restaurant. **

**Holly and Mark have not yet departed, so she will stay a bit longer. Walking to the restaurant will take less than 15 minutes, so she has time. Pulling the wrap about her shoulders will make her dress seem – well - less dressy. Martin should think nothing of her appearance, particularly that she is trying too much with him. **

**Near half 5, Louisa hugs Isabelle and Jeremy saying she must be off. They know where she is going and wish her good luck with clear overtones of sympathy. ****Holly and Mark are sad to see Louisa leave but will catch up with her and Philip during their August visit to Cornwall.**

**Walking as briskly as she can in her court pumps, Louisa reaches the bistro well before 6:00 and is immediately seated at a table for two. Champagne was served at the reception, and Martin will not want wine, so she orders tea. In the loo, she fusses with her hair and freshens her makeup. She has prepared well for her meeting with Martin but is going to follow his lead in discussing Philip. **

**First, she hopes they can talk about his approaching one year medical checkup and the developmental milestones he has reached. If that goes well, she'll ask about bringing Philip to London after term ends. Pulling a folder from her large bag, she reviews the schedule of proposed visits and hopes Martin will agree to them. Then she turns off her mobile to ensure there are no interruptions during dinner.**

**Having finished two cups of tea and resisted a check of the time, the waiter asks if she would like to have a look at the menu. "Of course," she smiles. The mushroom crepes and pear tart remain on the menu, and she thinks to order them again. Perhaps it will remind Martin of their lovely meal, followed by their romantic walk back to the flat. **

**Louisa is taken from her reverie when the restaurant owner appears and asks: "Are you Madam Glasson?" She nods. "There is a telephone call for you." He leads her to the front desk, and Martin is phoning. Jonathan and Beatrice Lieder have asked him to join them and several visiting scholars and their spouses for dinner. He cannot meet her this evening. Trying to maintain the composure she always displays to him, she asks if they can meet any time tomorrow. **

"**No, that's not possible," he responds.**

**With this she tightens her jaw, but is able to say: "Thank you for calling, Martin. We can discuss Philip at another time. Have a lovely dinner." **

**Martin's only comment before ringing off is "right, then."**

**The owner has given her room to talk privately but sees that she is a bit unnerved by the call. He sweeps up to her saying: "Madam, please, I would be honoured to have you as my guest for dinner." Louisa smiles saying she is not very hungry and is actually feeling a bit tired. She opens her bag to pay for the tea and he holds up his hand saying: "No, no. It is our pleasure having you here if only for a short time. The gentleman is a fool, and you are too lovely to need such a man."**

**His comment makes Louisa feel worse, but she is able to hold back tears and thank the owner. Outside, she walks down the street trying to collect herself and stops at a small park. There she sits on a bench thinking to phone Isabelle and return to the reception. But then she realizes how humiliating it would be to tell Isabelle and Jeremy her sorry story. **

**Instead she phones Caroline to check on Philip. Joan has just arrived for dinner and wants a word with Louisa. She asks what time Louisa is meeting Martin because she has a few ideas to present about Philip. Louisa says nothing, and her slight pause alerts Joan: "Don't tell me he isn't meeting you." Louisa relates what happened and anger replaces her sadness.**

**She left the reception earlier than she wanted to meet Martin's dining schedule. She has missed seeing Holly and Mark off and talking to old friends. Joan suggests she go back to the reception and not give Martin another thought. Louisa tries to be brave saying: "I am going to do just that. Thank you, Joan."**

**Then Caroline brings Philip to the phone and Louisa sings a few lullabies to him. He gurgles and coos a bit and that ends her anger. Martin is his father, and she must not be cross with him for Philip's sake. **

**Rather than return to the hotel just yet, Louisa scrolls through her emails and finds none requiring a response on Saturday night. Then she enters her files and opens the one with Gordon's emails. She will read only one, just one. Re-reading them has gotten her through so much this year that she can't bear to delete them. After the fourth email, she goes to a contact setting under "Runner." **

**Continued . . . . **


	39. Chapter 39

**A Failed Rescue**

**Gordon's town house is built on land which once belonged to a 19th Century mansion now owned by a wealthy Egyptian businessman, Nasim, and his wife, Samira. Three of their five daughters attend school with Evelyn, Charlotte and other children on the crescent. This evening they have opened their home to the school's annual art auction fundraiser, and parents are beginning to arrive.**

**Gordon is avoiding the meddling mothers who drive him mad at parent meetings by helping in the kitchen. He is washing strawberries when his mobile rings and Samira shouts: "Your phone. It better not be the bloody hospital. I need you as my dogsbody tonight." He holds up his wet hands saying: "Tell them I'll be right there." Samira misses the last ring and presses call back. After answering with her name, Louisa hears a woman cry, "Gordon, it's Louisa Glasson." **

**Oh God, it's probably the blonde surgeon and Gordon will be chuffed by her call. She is about to ring off when the woman says, "He's drying his hands and will be right with you." Wherever he is, it's very noisy but the din gradually lessens. Then she hears the familiar "Gordon Day here," and her stomach flutters.**

**He continues as if they chatted yesterday: "Sorry, bit of chaos here. I'm at my neighbours and they're hosting a school fundraiser tonight. I've been assigned to washing up in the kitchen. Don't tell St. Thomas's or they'll make me work in the canteen as well as surgery."**

**She laughs. Gordon is precisely what she needs tonight. He laughs as well and asks if she is making an omelet for supper. **

"**No, I'm actually sitting on a park bench in London. I'm here for my friend's wedding and thought to phone and say hello. It's been a while, Gordon."**

"**London, you're in London? Where?"  
><strong>

"**In Kensington, near Victoria and Albert Hall."**

"**What about Ellingham?"**

"**He's fine. I was to have dinner with him this evening, but he had a change of plans. He'll likely be in Portwenn next weekend to see Philip."**

**And then she hears nothing as Gordon places his hand over the phone when Samira asks: "Is it THAT Louisa?" He nods. "Ask her to come here." No, he shakes his head. She glares at him and takes his phone saying: "Hello, there, I'm Gordon's neighbour, Samira. We could use some help tonight." **

**A few weeks ago Gordon had been called into an emergency surgery for a woman in labour with twins. Testing showed she had a tear in the inner wall of the aorta which required immediate repair. It was a long, painstaking operation because the site was very close to the aortic valve. As Gordon was finishing, the obstetrics team began a Caesarean delivery of twin boys. One baby lived and one died. Not since his early rotas in A&E had Gordon seen a child die, and it affected him greatly. For the next few days, he fought the urge to call Louisa. He was so in need of her.**

**That Saturday evening, while their children were chasing about Samira's garden, Gordon told her about the death of the baby and how horrible he felt. She was very sympathetic, and he then mentioned how kind Louisa had been when his mother died. Never had he said a word about Louisa to anyone save Gwynn, but he couldn't stop himself with Samira. She suggested he phone Louisa, no matter what they promised in Plymouth. Gordon only said: "No, I won't do that."**

**Tonight, Samira jokes a bit with Louisa about Gordon's kitchen skills and assures her he needs help. Thinking it a bit mad, Louisa takes the address and looks about for a taxi.**

**Arriving at the mansion, Louisa is met by five giggling little girls and Samira. She is stunning and her dark hair is swept up showing off large emerald earrings. Her equally-stunning figure is encased in a black, ruffled dress, but she is wearing no shoes and looks quite charming. **

**She introduces Charlotte, Evelyn and her daughters, Zahra, Aria and Layla. To them, Louisa is yet another parent, and they dutifully wish her a good evening and retreat to a nearby playroom. Samira escorts Louisa to the kitchen and warns her that Gordon is in a beastly mood. He hasn't made her laugh for the last three minutes. **

**When they enter the kitchen, Gordon is filling bowls with nuts and handing them off to waiters Samira brought in for the evening. He is wearing chinos with a blue shirt and his hair is – quite long. Smiling she greets him: "Hullo, Gordon. I'm here to help." He glances at her quickly and then ducks his head muttering: "Let me finish this, and I'll be with you."**

**Placing her hand on Gordon's shoulder, Samira teases: "Back to the mothers. Do join us soon Gordon. I'm not going to let you hide away in the kitchen all night. If I have to talk to them, so do you!"**

**A little curtly he responds: "Yes, I'll be there."**

**Louisa frowns as she realizes Gordon probably doesn't want her here and was only being polite when Samira asked. Biting her lip, she says nothing but watches as he empties tins of biscuits into several baskets and then opens packets of water crackers and tosses them onto three large platters containing wedges of cheese.**

**"Could I arrange those, Gordon?"**

**He nods and she is relieved to occupy herself until he finishes. She'll say good night, take a taxi to the hotel and try to board the overnight train for Bodmin Parkway. This is what she should have planned all along. There was no need to meet Martin for dinner tonight. They can discuss Philip in Portwenn. **

**Finally, Gordon wipes his hands on a tea towel while saying to the departing waiters: "That should hold them for a bit." **

**Then he begins to clear off counters as if she is not there. Somewhat puzzled, she asks: "Gordon, are you okay?" He turns to her with a stricken look and says quite sharply: "What the bloody hell are you trying to do to me Louisa?"**

**His angry tone startles her. "Look, I'm sorry Gordon. This was a mistake. I should have ignored Samira. I'll be off now."**

"**That's right, Louisa, scurry off and wait until he does something else shitty to you. And you know it's going to happen, because you let him do it. What did he do tonight? The last time he was embarrassed to be the father of your child. What the hell is worse than that? **

"**You have to sort this out. In Plymouth, you understood what I said. We agreed to it. You know how I feel about you. When you're available, let me know. Don't phone me or show up when you're angry with him. I want you Louisa, but you have to want me as well. If you don't, that's fine. But don't look to me for a rescue. You're a woman with a child – you're not in a fairytale. Grow up and decide what you want or be miserable the rest of your life. Your choice, Louisa."**

**Mumbling "Sorry, I'm so sorry," Louisa walks toward the door. It swings open and she is face-to-face with the pretty, blonde surgeon she recognizes from the photo taken at Martin's dinner. God, could it get any worse! **

**The woman is quite jolly, "Hello, there, Freia Manning. And who might you be?"**

**Trying to be equally jovial, she smiles, "I'm Louisa. Only took a wrong turn on the way to the loo. I'll just go back to everyone." **

**Then she grabs her bag and leaves the kitchen. She is a bit confused and is not sure how she entered the house but walks in a direction which may be right. Footsteps sound behind her, and the blonde surgeon calls: "Louisa, the auction is this way." **

**She is so shaken by Gordon's outburst, she is not thinking properly: "I was actually looking for the door. I've gotten a bit turned around." **

"**That's this way as well. Honestly, this house is ridiculously huge. Follow me."**

**They soon reach the door and Louisa wishes the woman good evening but not before she asks: "Were you here to see Gordon?" God, will the humiliation never end. **

"**Yes, I was in London for a wedding and just popped in. Must be off. Trying to catch up with friends for dinner in – uh - Knightsbridge." **

"**Oh, too bad. Elizabeth and I were thinking of leaving and bringing Gordon with us to some place fun in Vauxhall. He hates these things."**

**As Louisa opens the door, another woman appears and asks: "Freia, did you find Gord? Can we get out of here? These women are idiots. They wouldn't know good art if it bit them on the arse." **

"**Then we'll be off, Lizzie. If Gordon won't join us, let's leave. We can't waste a babyminder when we have one. Those girls deserve to be without their mums for a night."**

**This all sounds a bit strange to Louisa. Elizabeth and Freia have a babyminder for their girls and they are mums? Seeing her look, Freia laughs: "Oh don't mind us. We never seem to have an evening together. We don't hate our daughters, we miss them, but it's good to be away for a bit. Do you have children?"**

"**Yes, a baby. He'll soon be one."  
><strong>

**"And you're away from him tonight. You should come with us. You look as if you could use a drink as well. Let's make Gordon come along so he'll pay."**

"**No, I must be off. Lovely meeting you both. Good night." **

**Louisa enters the courtyard where the taxi dropped her earlier. She will make her way to the main avenue where taxis likely can be found on Saturday night. Approaching the side street, Louisa pauses to gather herself and shudders at her endless stupidity. Freia and Elizabeth are a couple, and she thought Freia was Gordon's girlfriend. She is a Portwenn yokel! And then Gordon, my God that hurt. **

**Resuming her walk after several more minutes, her mobile rings. It is Martin. Surgical rounds with med students have been shifted, could she meet him for lunch at noon tomorrow? She readily agrees, and he will find a restaurant near Imperial and email the address. It will be a bit inconvenient hauling her luggage to lunch and then back to Paddington Station for the later train. So be it. Philip needs his father. Martin rings off saying: "It will be good to see you Louisa. I can't believe our child is nearly one." Well, at least someone will be happy to see her.**

**She'll bring Philip to London as often as Martin allows, but she can't wait to return to her little village. The sea air will help her finally forget Gordon. She refuses to even think about his angry words. She will force him from her mind, just as she forced away bad things when she was a child. **

**In Plymouth, when they discussed his daughters' fascination with princess stories, Louisa told Gordon that as a young girl, she pretended a prince would rescue her from the shame and loneliness of her childhood. If she were only good enough, worked at her lessons and didn't say anything mean to anyone, the prince would come. **

**Damn Gordon for throwing that in her face tonight. Of course, she's not living in a fairytale and doesn't need rescuing. She knows she has a child and knows what she must do for that child. Even if it means giving up the man she – no, she can't even think it. No matter how she feels about Gordon, she must do what is best for Philip. **

**That is not her concern now as she hears footsteps behind her and is a bit nervous as she quickens her pace down the deserted side street. Then she hears someone shout: "Louisa, wait! Please wait, Louisa."**

**Continued . . . . **


	40. Chapter 40

**A Wedding in Portwenn**

**When asked by Caroline Bosman his initial impression of Portwenn, Martin Ellingham succinctly replied: "It's windy." And this clear August Saturday is no exception with blue skies, warm weather and wind from the south at 19 knots. Few people are concerned about the wind, because today there will be a wedding long anticipated by the villagers and with some skeptics saying it would never occur. **

**Fourteen months following Holly's wedding in London, Louisa Glasson will be married today.**

**Caroline Bosman, Holly Cordell and Isabelle Finley hosted the hen party on Thursday evening at the home of Lady Susan Brading. If she were not eight months pregnant with what she fondly refers to as her "last chance baby," Caroline would be the matron of honor. Instead, Isabelle will have that role as she is only three months pregnant with her second child. Always at the ready to outdo her friends, Holly is also pregnant but, of course, with twins. **

**At the wedding, Caroline will read a passage from St. Paul's letter to the Corinthians with these meaningful phrases: "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."**

**Preceding the second reading, Holly will play the Bach Cello Suite No. 4, a particular favourite of the groom. Students from the bride's Grade 6 maths class will then read the story of the Good Samaritan from the Gospel of Saint Luke, the patron saint of surgeons. **

**Pauline Large applied henna tattoos with the initials of the bride and groom to the left shoulders of those attending the hen party. A few of the younger teachers from Portwenn Primary and surgeons from the old Ellingham team had the tattoos placed on a different part of their anatomy, much to the amusement of Joan Norton who did the same. **

**The stag party at the Crab and Lobster was a subdued affair until a group of Australian surfers arrived for a weekend competition and showed the men from London and Portwenn how to have a good time together despite having little in common. Al Large phoned Pauline to say he was leaving for a run because his dad and others at the pub had gone "completely Bodmin."**

**Children will have an important role in both the ceremony and reception. Maureen Fenn will lead a group of Portwenn Primary students in singing "Love You 'Til the End" by The Pogues, which the bride and groom heard during a memorable weekend in London. However, the groom insisted that their first and only dance at the reception be to a song popularized by jazz singer, Etta James. Roger Fenn will accompany Maureen on the piano when she sings "At Last," with the sentiment so enchanting to the groom: "my heart was wrapped up in clover the night I looked at you." **

**At the church, Sally Tishell will play the organ while the congregation sings the traditional "Love Divine, All Loves Excelling," and the more-obscure: "Surprised by Joy." For this momentous occasion and as a sign of closure, she will wear a flowing yellow scarf tied about her cervical collar. **

**Unfortunately, neither the parents of the bride nor the groom can be at the ceremony. Joan Norton will be an honoured guest while taking charge of her great-nephew, Philip. He celebrated his second birthday in July and is a bit of handful, although quite cheery and talkative. **

**Helping Joan will be her new husband, Frederick Dalestrom, a retired professor from the University of Essex. A few years following the death of his wife, Frederick moved to a cottage on the moor where he is writing his last economics tome. The two met outside Large's Restaurant during a disagreement between Joan and Bert about the price of her vegetables. Michael tried to take Joan's side with a pedagogical argument, and Bert told him to "shove it." Joan apologized; one thing lead to another, and they were married in April. "Why wait," they both asked.**

**Other guests who are important to the bride and groom, include Susan and Chris Parsons. Their daughters, Jill and Julia, will be among the five bridesmaids who will wear cream-coloured dresses with pink sashes. Susan is a bit frantic keeping an eye on the five young girls along with three year old John and 11 year old Danny. The current gaggle of roving teenage girls spotted Danny at the harbour on Friday and one of them ruffled his ginger hair. He shyly reported to Susan that it felt good, and she told Christopher it might be time for "a little chat."**

**A London solicitor who helped the bride during and after her pregnancy will be at the wedding. He will not bring his terrier, but rather a thin, blonde woman he met at a wine bar near his flat in Canary Wharf. Also traveling from London is a compassionate psychologist who helped the groom through a very difficult period in his life. Never could she imagine that such a shattered man could become so happy. **

**Neither the bride nor the groom invited Adrian Pitts to the wedding, but he will be there as the guest of former Portwenn teacher, Trisha Soames. She studied psychology after being treated for OCD and is now a counselor in the children's ward at Truro Hospital. There she met Adrian and has found some goodness even in him. **

**Sally Chadwick is anxious for friends from Portwenn Primary to meet her Irish fiancé, a cartographer she met during her Vietnam vacation. Following their September wedding, they will move to the Aran Islands for a two year mapping project. She bid a very tearful goodbye to staff on the last day of term and took with her a packet of student artwork as a reminder of the school. **

**Danny and Cassandra Steel will not attend the wedding. Not because of Danny's undying love for the bride, but rather he is managing the construction of an office tower in Dubai for Cassandra's father. Danny has married almost as well as Holly.**

**The wedding reception will take place under a marquee in the church yard with catering by Large's Restaurant and the Crab and Lobster. Leslie Janney, proprietor of the Portwenn Hotel, is providing servers for the occasion along with additional dishes, cutlery and tablecloths ironed by Mrs. Lamb. Teachers from the bride's school created the flower arrangements from native gorse, heather and ferns set in sphagnum moss from Bodmin moor.**

**Joy Cronk has converted her fish and chips shop into a popular bakery with the help of Alison Lane and her daughter, Delph. For the groom's cake, they have made a traditional, but nutritious, fruit cake, while the bride's five tier cake is chocolate with boiled icing. The three made a proper job of decorating the cake and know the bride will be pleased with the sugary confection. **

**Following the reception, Tommy and Tasha Mills will drive the newlyweds to Truro Airport in a taxi fueled by petrol. On their way, the groom will surprise the bride by stopping at their newly-purchased home about 5 miles from Portwenn. He wants to carry her across the threshold before traveling to their brief honeymoon in Ortigia on the southeast coast of Sicily. **

**The house is a bit closer to Truro Hospital where the groom will become chief of surgery in October and requires only a short drive to the bride's school. When her father is no longer a guest of Her Majesty, a small cottage is available for him at the garden's edge. **

**The bride will retain ownership of her cottage for let to tourists. The McNeice Brothers have been hired for a bit of a fix up and painting as Bert Large is busy with his restaurant, and Al Large's computer business is proving successful thanks to his wife, Pauline, and Mark Cordell. **

**Guests at the church will be greeted by several friends of the bride and groom, including Peter Cronk, Roger Fenn and Selena MacKenzie. PC Pennhale asked Ranger Stewart to help with what he described as "crowd and traffic control." Stewart does have a uniform of sorts and an air of the military man he once was. Anthony will likely be there but will not wear a uniform as it interferes with his bushy tail. **

**With all plans in place, it is now half past twelve and guests are filling St. Rogers Church for the 1:00 ceremony. The altar guild headed by Muriel Steel and several friends from High Trees outdid themselves in decorating the church with flowers brought in from Truro. Arthur Hanley, the vicar who divides his time between Delabole and Portwenn, met with the couple several times to arrange the order of service and offer a bit of counseling. He has just returned to the vestry after a word with the very nervous groom who is pacing in the side courtyard and checking the time. **

**The best man continues the vicar's efforts to distract the groom by mentioning an article from the "Lancet" about the use of Clopidogrel with patients suffering from atherosclerotic vascular disease. Rising to the bait, the groom argues for a full five minutes that an aspirin regime is sufficient. Then he consults his watch and resumes his prowl. **

**At White Rose Cottage, the bride is having difficulty fixing a tulle fascinator in her hair and is not yet dressed. Three anxious, pregnant friends urge her to get on with it and worry for the groom if she is not punctual. Half an hour later as the last guests enter the church, the bride arrives looking radiant as all brides do. **

**She is wearing a pale blue silk dress and an antique necklace given to her by the groom during their first weekend together in London. Other jewelry includes her grandmother's pearl earrings, the garnet ring from her mother and the engagement ring, once worn by the groom's grandmother. Lavender is interspersed in her hand tied bouquet of creamy hydrangeas while Isabelle carries the same flowers in light blue. Both the posies for the bridesmaids, and the buttonholes worn by the men are made from sweet William and cotton lavender. **

**Before taking John McNulty's arm for her walk to the altar, he and the bride bow their heads and remember the late Tim McNulty's kindness to her as a child. John then nods to Sally Tishell who begins "Royal Fanfare" by Bliss. As she walks down the aisle, the bride smiles at her groom who is very distinguished in a well-tailored gray suit with a crisp white shirt and a blue, gray and cream striped tie. At his wrists the groom is wearing the cufflinks given to him by the bride the day she asked him to marry her. **

**Reaching the altar, Bert Large takes the bride's hand and reads a letter from Terry Glasson giving his daughter in marriage. The ceremony is solemn, joyous and interrupted a few times by children, including young Philip who somewhat loudly proclaims: "There's Mummy."**

**The vicar took this quote from "A Midsummer Night's Dream" as the theme for his sermon: "The course of true love never did run smooth." Interest is piqued throughout the church as the vicar recalls the circuitous route the bride and groom took to their marriage today. His words are interrupted by a bit of laughter, a few sniffles and many sighs as guests remember the events he describes. **

**Then the vicar turns to the couple and invites them to join hands and make their vows. First the groom takes the bride's hand and, despite his recent anxiety, recites his vows flawlessly. With the groom's right hand firmly in hers, the bride repeats the vows and looks hopefully at the groom when she promises "to love and to cherish" him. **

**During the vows, many couples in the church join hands – some as they have done every day of their marriage, some as they have not done for a time, and some as a promise of the wedding they will have. Others close their eyes as they remember spouses lost to death or divorce. **

**The best man and matron of honor hand the vicar the wide gold wedding bands selected by the couple. Engraved inside each ring is today's date, the initials of the bride and groom and one word. After the bands are blessed, the groom places a ring on the bride's finger saying: "With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you." The bride's hand shakes as she slips the ring on her groom's finger and softly echoes his words.**

**Turning toward the congregation, the vicar refers to the marriage vows, their giving and receiving of rings, and then proclaims that they are husband and wife. A collective exhalation of breath ripples through the church as the bride and groom look triumphantly at each other. **

**Heads are lowered as the wedding blessing is read: "Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts and a crown upon their heads. Bless them in their work and in their companionship; awake and asleep, in joy and in sorrow, in life and in death." **

**Taking the bride's arm, the groom escorts her to a table where they register their marriage. While doing so, the groom's medical school mentor recites the Song of Solomon from the Old Testament. In keeping with the sermon, he reads: "for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come…."**

**On their return to the altar, the vicar intones prayers of thanksgiving; for spiritual growth; for faithfulness, joy, love, forgiveness and healing, as well as for children, family members and friends. Following the prayers, he gives a very short dismissal, and then tilts his head toward Sally Tishell who plays the "Hallelujah Chorus," as the bride and groom walk down the aisle as husband and wife.**

**Outside the church they pause as the wedding party joins them for several photos. Holding hands tightly, they walk down the steps of the church. At the last step, and with the urging of the guests overflowing the courtyard, the groom leans over and chastely kisses the bride. Amid much applause, the bride wraps her arms around her husband's neck and kisses him in a much more fulsome manner. "Louisa," he murmurs, "I love you. Through it all, I've loved you."**

**She simply smiles and turns to look for Philip. It is then that she notices one guest stepping away from the merry gathering. The woman removes a mobile from her bag and then presses numbers. Louisa drops her head and bites her lip as she knows who is being called.**

**Continued . . . .**

**Please note: The groom is not yet identified, and the reader may decide who Louisa marries. The next three chapters lead up to her marriage to Martin. The chapters after that lead up to her marriage to Gordon. After reading those chapters, I hope the reader will choose the ending to the story they want. Happy reading. **


	41. Chapter 41

**A First Chance **

**It is Freia Manning stepping away from the wedding to phone Gordon Day. Not because she wants to, but because he asked her to do so. He only wants to know that Louisa has married Ellingham. When his mobile rings, he is standing alone in the crescent watching Charlotte and Evelyn run about with friends. They have just returned from two weeks visiting Cecily in California and are happy to be home. Tomorrow, they will travel to the Isle of Wight to meet Margaret and her family for a week's holiday. Cecily's parents will come over from Southampton for a few days as well. Gordon is looking forward to being with his family, running, reading and catching up on BBC Four documentaries. **

**In the evening he allows the girls a homecoming treat of take away fish and chips and orange Fruit Shoot. After supper, they beg for a princess film, and he relents as it is their Saturday night tradition. But tonight he cannot bring himself to watch it with them. Instead, he goes to his study to catch up on emails. There are a few routine announcements from St. Thomas's and one from Margaret giving last minute details about their holiday arrangements.**

**Hesitating a bit, he exhales loudly and pulls up a computer file labeled "LVG." As he has done so many times this last year, he places his finger on the "delete" button, but still cannot push it. Rather, he retrieves from the desk drawer a small package from Portwenn which arrived on Tuesday. He finally opens it and smiles to find a wrapper from a Kit Kat bar, a CD in a worn plastic casing and a note from Louisa. **

"**This is the Lori McKenna CD you left on my kitchen table the night you drove me to Portwenn. Like you, the music has been a comfort to me these last three years and will now be such to you. The wrapper is from the Kit Kat bar you gave me the night I left you in Plymouth. You knew I would eat it first, and I did. I have kept the wrapper since then as a reminder of how well you know me and how well I know you. You showed me that chivalry is not dead because I saw you practice it many times. I learned from you that I could act honourably as well. No predictions about what the future holds for you are necessary. My gratitude for the love you gave me is necessary. You are an exceptional man, Gordon."**

**Then Gordon leans back in his chair, closes his eyes and recalls that night in Samira's kitchen. The night he made Louisa decide. **

**0 0 0**

**That night it is Freia Manning calling after Louisa as she walks down the side street from Samira's home. She and Elizabeth have changed their plans and can take her to Knightsbridge. It is difficult finding a taxi on Saturday night. Louisa thanks Freia, but she is meeting her friends on the main avenue in a few minutes. No need to drive her anywhere. **

**"If you're sure then. Have a bit of fun this evening, and kiss your baby for us." **

**"Thank you, Freia, you are very kind, and a good friend to Gordon."**

**She responds: "And to Martin, as well." **

**Louisa is so taken aback by her comment, she can say nothing as Freia turns to walk away. Soon she reaches the main street where a taxi discharges four young women. They hold the door for her and exclaim: "Your lucky day." She smiles but thinks: "Not really."**

**At the hotel, she takes a long shower and tries to think only of Philip. She is very hungry but slips into bed without a further thought of food. Miraculously, she falls asleep quickly and is awakened by a ringing church bell at half 8. She smiles remembering her last time in London and the loud bells at Martin's old flat. **

**Tom answers her call to Caroline as she is bathing Philip. Brilliant baby that he is, Philip did not awaken them until half past seven this morning. "Of course," she laughs, "he is a thoughtful guest." When Caroline comes to the phone, Louisa happily explains she is meeting Martin at noon and will take a taxi from the station to Caroline's house. It will be late, but she has missed Philip and wants to bring him home.**

"**Don't worry about your boy. Tom is enchanted by him. But with Martin, be firm," Caroline counsels. "You and Philip deserve better than he is giving either of you."**

**Having only brought jeans and a jersey for the return train trip, Louisa puts on the green and white print dress she wore to school on Friday and then on the train. She expected to meet Martin after the wedding and now feels a bit tatty for lunch in London. Not that Martin would ever notice what she wears.**

**As she packs, Isabelle phones asking to meet for breakfast. She and Jeremy will want to know about her dinner with Martin, and she will think of a likely excuse for his cancellation. Louisa is famished, and orders a cheese omelet even though she'll have lunch shortly. It's just as well, because Martin will want her to have the unappetizing salad and fish he always orders. **

**Isabelle tentatively asks about her dinner with Martin, and she nonchalantly responds: "Oh, something came up at hospital, but we're having lunch a little later. It will be good to sort out everything for Philip." **

**Jeremy and Isabelle exchange a look and then smile brightly as Isabelle says: "Good luck, Louisa. Look at us. We managed to work out everything. Jeremy thought I was worth the wait, and I'm sure Martin feels the same about you."**

**At half past 11 she finds a taxi to the restaurant and when she arrives Martin is outside talking to two men. He takes Louisa's hand as she alights from the car and leans to kiss her. She is not sure who is more surprised - her or the two men who wish them a good afternoon and then walk toward Imperial. **

**Inside, she pulls an album from her bag to show Martin the most-recent photos of Philip. Looking through the book, he comments: "You've made notes about everything."**

"**Yes, I thought it would be a good way for you to see his various stages of development. He's such a bright, curious child and has grown so quickly. I'll add a few more photos and comments during June, and it'll be ready for you by his first birthday."**

"**This is for me?"**

**"Well, yes. Perhaps, he'll want it some day when he's grown. But it's a present to you from Philip – actually from both of us."**

**The waiter appears, and Louisa asks for the same salmon and salad she knows Martin will want. He chides her so about what she eats that this is easier. **

**Now they can discuss Philip's summer in London. Louisa hands Martin the schedule and explains her plan to visit his flat in the late evening for about an hour. This will give Martin time for post-op rounds, and Philip will be fine after a longer nap during the day. **

**A little concerned about his reaction, she takes a deep breath and suggests they meet for two hours on Saturday and Sunday at the park opposite the flat. As Martin looks at his diary, he leans over the schedule and Louisa smells the clean, astringent aroma she will always associate with him. His hands are meticulous as his hair, clothing and even the handwriting in his diary. Philip will be like this some day. **

**Most of the schedule is satisfactory to Martin; however, could he see more of Philip on the weekends. They might go to places other than the park. London is filled with spots for children, and Philip is nearing the age where he would enjoy the museums, fairs and other attractions the city offers. Trying not to appear surprised, Louisa agrees that Philip would like that.**

**Of course, Louisa says, they will stay at Holly's, so that there will be no need to clutter Martin's small flat. During the week, Martin can hold to his same schedule for meditating and sleeping, leaving him rested and prepared for surgery each day.**

"**What about the weekends, Louisa? Could you stay at my flat then? I've missed you both this year. And it's been horrible. First, the blasted study and all the back and forth to Switzerland. Then, the new appointment and returning to a surgical schedule. It's been overwhelming. But things are sorting out now. I'll be able to spend more weekends in Portwenn or you can come to London with Philip." **

**Somewhat incredulous at his comments, Louisa seizes the opportunity to ask about many things. "Martin, I understood your travel and how terribly busy you were with the study. But it seemed you wanted nothing to do with me. You were coming to Portwenn as an obligation. Perhaps out of concern for Philip, but certainly not for me."**

"**No, oh no, Louisa. I was working endless hours each week and then therapy and the techniques I had to learn. It was unrelenting, and the pressure enormous. New Year's Eve in Portwenn, I slept longer than I had for months. I was exhausted and miserable.**

"**Poor Philip, his father only has this album of pictures and few actual memories of his first year. I love him so, he is a dear child. And I've been a terrible dad. Just like my father."**

"**God, no Martin. When you're with Philip, you're wonderful. You're a good father, just as I knew you'd be. You have 17 more years to raise him and the rest of your life to be his father. This summer will be good for both of you. He'****s a lovely boy, and you'll enjoy him."**

"**What about you, Louisa? Do you want to be with me this summer or is this all for Philip?"**

**Stunned by his comment, Louisa stammers: "Martin, I thought you cared only about Philip. It seemed I was simply his mum and that was the extent of our relationship. You have done so many . . . ."**

**Interrupting her, Martin exclaims: "Louisa, I know I've been an ass. Believe me, many people have pointed it out to me. Aunt Joan, Chris and Susan Parsons, half the village of Portwenn – that is the half that will still actually speak to me. I've made a mess of this year, and I'm trying to change that."**

"**Martin, this year was horrible. I was exhausted at times, but I can't even imagine what you endured. Rather than letting me or anyone help, you pushed us away. How do you thing that made me feel?"**

**Somewhat flushed, Martin looks at her with steely eyes and asks: "What about Gordon Day? How do you think that made me feel? Louisa, the surgical community in London is smaller than you can imagine, and it's rife with gossip. Much worse than Portwenn. You and Gordon may have thought no one knew, but you were wrong. Where were you last night Louisa?"**

"**What of it, Martin? Countless times you said terrible things about Jonathan Lieder, but last night it was more important to have dinner with him than me. You could have invited me to come along. Or do I embarrass you? Just like you were too embarrassed to have me at Claire Southwood's dinner in March. But then, I suppose, Noelle Giffen was who you wanted that night."**

"**Why would you want to have dinner with Lieder or be at that hideous do Claire organized? I had no thought that Noelle would be there. She worked for Doctors Without Borders for many years and now helps with fundraising. As busy as she is with her practice in Devon, she still volunteers for the group."**

"**Very noble of her, Martin. I'm sure you had a nice chat with her about it. Perhaps, you can have dinner with her again the next time you're in Devon – for a conference or whatever you want to call it. I'm certain she would never embarrass you."**

"**That's right, Louisa. She would never embarrass me, because I care nothing about her. I care about you, I love Philip. You two are what I want. Do you care about us or Gordon Day, Louisa? I know you went to see him last night. Is he what you want? Or do you want me and Philip?"**

**Continued . . . . **


	42. Chapter 42

**A Birthday Weekend**

**Two months after Holly's wedding, Louisa is packing Philip's toys and books preparing for their return to Portwenn and the new school term. They had five weeks in London divided between Holly's and the two bedroom flat Martin took in July. Most days Martin saw Philip for an hour or two in the evening and occasionally on Saturday. On Sundays they made their way about London based on recommendations from the London Mums website Louisa often consults. **

**Although he says little about it, she now knows Martin has resumed sessions with the psychologist who helped his haemophobia. The doctor has asked Louisa to attend this Saturday's appointment, and she is a bit apprehensive. When Martin provided her name, Louisa recalled the elegant woman pictured with him at Claire Southwood's dinner. Surely she cannot be as horrid as Martin portrayed her in the past. **

**A babyminder arrives at 9:00 so that Philip will have time with both her and Louisa before leaving for the appointment. Philip has been only with her in London, and she is a bit worried about leaving him. Martin enters the lounge just as Philip is crawling toward the young woman. Seeing daddy his face lights, and he quickly moves toward him. Martin swings him up saying "How's my boy. When mummy and I return, we'll go to the boat park. Do you like the boats, Philip?"**

**He happily nods his head and looks toward Louisa. Martin places him on the floor saying: "Daddy must leave now, but we'll see the boats when I come back. Say goodbye to mummy." The babyminder picks him up, and he squirms a little but reaches out to pat his mum's cheek and does the same with dad. They quickly leave with Martin assuring her that Philip will be fine.**

**To lessen her anxiety about the meeting, Louisa did a Google search of Dr. Varga-Nagy and read excerpts from several journal articles she recently published. This morning, the psychologist warmly welcomes her and puts Louisa at ease by saying: "Please call me, Teodora, Louisa." Martin raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. **

**Teodora asks Louisa to talk about meeting Martin and how their relationship progressed to the present. Louisa is somewhat concerned getting into it with Martin there, but she outlines the last several years realizing it will take a longer time to give more details. As Louisa finishes, their session is almost over, and the doctor looks toward Martin asking: "Is this what you recall?" **

**"Yes, she described everything well – very well."**

**"Then, Dr. Ellingham, tell me again about meeting Louisa and how your relationship developed."**

**"Do we have time for that? It's nearly 11:00. Do you have other patients today?"**

**"No, only you and Louisa, Dr. Ellingham. Please proceed."**

**Thinking she had been very vague in her description, Louisa is astonished as Martin recounts their nearly five year history in about the same number of minutes. ****Teodora is experienced in extracting details from him, and she skillfully probes for the next hour until she has what is needed. Louisa is again astonished at what the psychologist is able to elicit from Martin. As Teodora walks them to the door, she places her hand on Louisa's arm and thanks her for helping Dr. Ellingham. Louisa smiles and nearly hugs Teodora, but she catches Martin's reproving look. **

**In the taxi to the flat, Martin is very quiet, so Louisa assumes he is embarrassed by the meeting and does not wish to discuss it. She is similarly uncomfortable and remains silent. Only important to her is how this will help Martin and Philip.**

**Early Sunday morning, they pack her car and then fix Philip into his seat. He doesn't understand that his dad won't see him for a bit, so he waves happily and tries to blow kisses. Martin says: "I'll let you know about the next visit. My schedule is tight, so perhaps you'll come to London in the next few weeks."**

**Two weeks later, Martin surprises Louisa by coming to Portwenn. What a help this is as the new term is underway, and she is very busy. Philip soon remembers him and the two are in and out of the cottage throughout the afternoon, leaving Louisa time for laundry and tidying her home. Martin has a nap at the same time as Philip and then takes him to the harbour for fish. He prepares dinner and then does a bit of work himself after Philip falls asleep.**

**The next morning, he takes Philip to visit his Aunt Joan, giving Louisa a chance to do the shopping and a little schoolwork. Before Tommy Mills collects Martin, he suggests they come to London in early November. Louisa agrees as it is the weekend of Martin's birthday, and she'll make a bit of a celebration with Philip. **

**She and Philip arrive at the London flat just as Martin is returning from his appointment with Dr. Varga-Nagy. He smiles seeing Philip and lifts him from his car seat. Philip pushes back from him a bit but does not cry. As Martin begins to talk Philip settles in, recognizing his voice from nearly daily phone calls. **

**While Martin takes Philip, Louisa hurries to the grocers for fish and vegetables to make a special birthday dinner for him. She thinks to buy a lobster, but remembers his concern about cholesterol. Well, anything but salmon will be a change. No cake, of course, but perhaps she can make something festive from fruit. **

**As she walks to the grocers, Louisa passes a jewelry shop she has often noticed but never dared go inside. It looks quite expensive even for this part of London. Peeking in the window, she spots a pair of cufflinks with three tiny intertwined circles mounted on a small square. They seem to be silver and perhaps not all that dear. She will pop in and ask. Ten minutes later, she leaves the store with the cufflinks wrapped in pale blue paper with a white ribbon. The shopkeeper was very kind and insisted on the wrapping once he learned the cufflinks are meant to be a birthday present.**

**When she returns with the shopping, Martin is lying on the sofa reading and Philip is sleeping on his chest. Louisa has to catch her breath when she sees the two of them together. This is what she dreamed of for so many years: a child, a husband, a family. She quickly goes to the kitchen so that Martin will not see her tears.**

**The supper of sea scallops, peas and roasted potatoes will be quick to prepare, and she'll make a fruit salad with a ripe mango, bananas and yoghurt. Then she plugs in the kettle for tea. While Philip and Martin are resting, she opens her computer and works through several budget reports for the Board of Governors and the Education Office. Having Philip has forced her to be very efficient, and she no longer becomes wound up about the lack of funding for programs the school needs. She'll just have a quick check of email and then see to supper. **

**When Philip fusses, she takes him for a bath and readies him for bed. At supper, ****Philip sits in his chair and tries to sing Happy Birthday to Martin with her promptings. He beams at his boy and watches Philip clapping and laughing with his mum. Then Martin takes Philip to bed where he'll read him to sleep with either a nursery tale or a medical journal. As Louisa does the washing up, she hears the shower in Martin's bathroom. He must be exhausted after a long week of surgery and will likely go to bed although it is still quite early. His birthday present can wait until tomorrow.**

**She is not yet tired but will begin a new novel, a rare treat since Philip's birth. After a few pages, she finds it not as entrancing as Sally promised and turns to her computer. Going to the BBC website, she finds a documentary Gordon once mentioned about Japanese methods for teaching maths. Louisa is so fascinated by the subject that she does not see Martin until he is standing in front of her with a bottle of wine and two glasses. **

"**Would you like to toast my birthday, Louisa?"**

**She must look startled as he says: "Or we could wait until tomorrow if you like."**

**"No, no, Martin. This is nice. I'd love to have a glass of wine. He pours wine into each glass and she touches hers to his: "Happy Birthday, Martin, and many more."**

**He sits on the sofa next to her as she shifts the computer from her lap to a side table. It is so unusual sitting with Martin over a glass of wine that she can't think of what to say. Finally she comments: "That was lovely seeing Philip sleeping on your chest. I should have taken a photo. It would have been good for his album." **

**"Yes, I think he finds the rhythm of my heart soothing. It probably reminds him of being in utero and the beating of your heart. I remember that time in Bristol when you were pregnant and I felt him move for the first time. It was a similar sensation. Very comforting."**

**For the second time today, Louisa has to blink back tears. Her breasts are a bit swollen and she recognizes the signs of PMS. Next week she'll begin her period and, as Martin often points out, she is now very emotional. She is also very susceptible to the wine and the closeness of Martin. They make love so rarely that she tries not to think of it, but tonight that is all she can do. **

**Apparently Martin is thinking the same. He threads his arm along the sofa and begins to play with her hair and then rubs the back of her neck. Oh, God, she has to control herself and concentrate on chatting a bit whilst slowly drinking the wine. Except she has already finished the wine and is twisting the glass in her hands. Martin moves to pour wine for her, but she places her hand over the glass saying, "No more. I may have to be up with Philip tonight."**

**"I can do that, Louisa. You're tired after the drive. The wine will help you sleep. I can see to Philip if he's restless."**

**She shakes her head: "No, thank you, Martin. But one glass is fine." Maybe she should have more of the wine because Martin seems to have lost interest in her. With a second glass, she could fall asleep and think of nothing. Then he turns and kisses her. Okay then, he has taken the lead, so she presses herself to him and eagerly returns his kiss. Martin's hands move under her jersey, tugging at her bra, but he stops to ask "Are you having your period, Louisa?" **

**She is used to him and responds: "No, not until next week, but I'm sorry for being so emotional. Let's just stop, Martin. I'll go on to my room and read. Goodnight."**

**As she tries to stand, Martin takes her hand: "No, Louisa. That's not what I meant. I only wanted to be certain we could make love. Come to bed with me Louisa." Then he kisses her very softly and says: "I'm sorry. Please come with me."**

**And so she goes to Martin's bedroom. Whether it's the wine, PMS or pure desire, Louisa is quite ardent and leaves him gasping. He is lying on his back, and she is lying on him, not unlike Philip earlier today. Slowly she slides onto his outstretched arm, and he embraces her. She is a bit sheepish: "Martin, look I'm sorry. It's just the wine and it's been a while. Hormonal and all that."**

**Rubbing her back, he whispers to relax. There is nothing to be sorry about. In fact, he feels very good. What the young registrars call being "blissed out." Louisa laughs as Martin says: "Louisa you have made me blissed out. Have I made you blissed out?"**

**In response, she kisses him: "Now you're very blissed out. Your registrars would be proud of you."**

**Continued . . . **


	43. Chapter 43

**A Blissful Sunday**

**The next morning Louisa stirs as she hears Martin go to Philip, and then returns to sleep. Near ten o'clock he gently rubs her shoulder, and she awakens to see him and Philip staring at her: "How was your lie-in?" **

"**What time is it? I'm sorry. Let me take Philip. You should've gotten me awake."**

"**I thought you might be tired because of your period. You over-salted the supper last night, and it only made you more bloated. Then the wine dehydrated you. It's good to avoid salt and wine before your period."**

"**But, Martin you gave me the wine and didn't say a thing about the meal being too salty. Why didn't you say something?"**

**"I thought you understood how your period affects you."**

"**Oh please, no more about my period! Women have periods. I've had periods for years and years and you're the only person who's ever given a care about them. Why are you so obsessed with my period? Let it be."**

**Martin places Philip on the bed and leaves the room saying nothing more. Philip is a little uncertain about all of this and looks first toward the door and then toward Louisa with his lip trembling. She hugs him to her and kisses him saying: "Let's go see daddy." **

**Pulling on her discarded jeans and jersey, she carries Philip to the dining room where Martin has breakfast laid out on the table. There are eggs, salmon, toast and some sort of sweet buns which smell heavenly. Martin enters from the kitchen with a pot of tea: "I've fed Philip and made breakfast if you like." I can read to Philip while you have your meal."**

"**Martin, I'm sorry. Please have breakfast with me. It all looks very nice. Thank you."**

**Not bothered by silence as she is, Martin carefully taps his egg and begins to eat it with dry toast. An egg with dry toast will do, vows Louisa. She won't even add sugar to her tea. Martin will like that. Along the way to Portwenn, she'll have a proper lunch. A prawn mayonnaise would be good or a thick roast beef with cheese. Perhaps they'll stop at the sandwich café next to the park for a takeaway before even leaving London. **

**She thinks of another small shop where she took Philip this summer to have tea with cakes or a cheese and biscuits. Often she chatted a bit with other mums who laughed about going to their yoga or Pilates classes and then gathering at the tea shop for sweets. They complained endlessly about their husbands working too much while their children saw little of them. **

**Afterward, she would return to Holly's flat to let Philip have a nap while she addressed the little work needed for the new term. It was quite fun being in London without the demands of her job or the village. Meals were simple and Holly's small flat took no time to clean. Truth be told, she and Philip were out most of the day exploring the London she never knew from university days. They returned only for his naps and at night after seeing Martin. **

**A cleaning service took care of Martin's flat and laundry, leaving her with nothing to do there. The deskman would appear in the evening with his shirts and suits all nicely pressed. **

**Louisa told Holly about the women from the tea shop, and she laughed: "They probably have children at my old school! Louisa, you could be like those women. Martin has plenty of money. There's no need for you to do more than care a bit for Philip and go to yoga while he's at nursery. I've no idea why you're returning to Portwenn and the tedium of running that school. I was delighted to leave my job and don't regret it for a minute."**

**Of course, Louisa will not stay in London. She wants to be at her school with the children who need her. Portwenn is her home – where she wants to raise Philip. Maybe if he returned to Warwick as he would like, she could stand to be in London. But not with him so close. He'll never take the girls from London as long as their mum's here. Well, no need to think of that. **

"**More tea, Louisa?" She blinks twice at Martin who is standing next to her, teapot poised. "Uh no, no thank you." Looking at her plate she sees the remains of breakfast. Not just the eggshell, but bits of salmon, toast and jam. Her fingers seem sticky, and she looks toward the plate on the center of the table. Where two sweet buns had been, there are now none. Surely, she did not eat those. But the tightness in her stomach confirms her suspicions as does the wary look from Martin. She has stuffed herself without even realizing it and is horribly embarrassed. No wonder Martin tries to keep a rein on her eating. **

**Before Martin can say a thing, she'll clear the table and wash up. He and Philip can play or read and she'll get on with it. As she is stacking plates in the dishwasher, she hears one of Philip's music CDs. Good. If he dances about, he'll be more likely to nap during the trip. **

**As she returns to the dining room, her favourite song begins: "I Want to Hold Your Hand." Wiping the table she smiles at Philip, and he holds out his arms to be picked up. Martin steps forward to lift Philip and begins to move about with him. Not really dancing, but moving. The two look gleeful and Philip tries to clap his hands and pats Martin's cheek. Dropping her cloth, Louisa take Martin's hand and one of Philip's hands while they dance together. Philip tries to imitate Louisa as she sings: "I want to hold your hand," and she and Martin laugh, actually laugh, at his efforts. When the song is finished, Martin looks toward Louisa saying: "Thank you, Louisa." **

"**Whatever for, Martin?" **

"**This, Louisa. For Philip. For what we just had with him." Then Martin ducks his head and mumbles: "I think he needs a clean nappy." **

**Louisa follows Martin into her bedroom saying she'll organize everything for him. When Martin looks at her, Louisa sees the tears on his face. "My God, Martin, are you okay?" Now he is embarrassed and clears his throat: "Yes. Let me take care of this nappy." As he is bending over Philip, Louisa rubs his back: "Martin, he's a beautiful child. I'll be doing the most mundane things with him and suddenly begin crying. There is so much joy in him, so much hope. He makes me happy. Just seeing him makes me happy. You can feel that way about him as well."**

**Martin nods his head, finishes his task and then hands Philip to her. He walks down the hall to the loo, and Louisa places Philip on his cot so that she can begin to pack. When Martin returns to the room, he looks a bit puzzled: "Are you going so soon?" **

**"Yes, I thought we'd have an early start to miss traffic." **

"**Don't leave yet, Louisa. Please let him stay with me a little longer."**

"**Okay, Martin. We'll go later. It's a bit chilly, but would you like to have a walk in the park with him?" **

"**No. I just want to see him. See the mundane things. Him lying on his cot. Sitting in his chair. Toddling around the flat. Watching you dance with him. Seeing him smile, how happy he is. I love him so, Louisa. I can't bear not to see him, and I want to make some changes."**

**An icy fear grips Louisa: Oh, God, Martin wants to take Philip from her! She knows he can't do that, but then he has Calvin Nothquitt. **

**Very cautiously she asks: "What changes, Martin?"**

"**I've another eight months on my contract with Imperial, but after that I'd like to look for something in Cornwall. Closer to Portwenn, to see more of Philip. Chris said there are several posts that will open in the next year, and I've asked that he look into them for me."**

"**But what about London, Martin? This is what you wanted, to get back to surgery."**

"**I can do surgery anywhere. It's not what I expected being in London, being in the operating theatre. I thought it would be the same – having my old life back. But that was a life without Philip. I was miserable without London, and now I'm miserable with it. I don't want to be stuck in this flat waiting for him or racing to Portwenn for half a day with Philip."**

"**Martin, do you love me?  
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"**Louisa, you know I care about you. I'm still working through many things in my life with Dr. Varga-Nagy. I know it seems simple to you, and it's ridiculous that I can't say it, but I want to mean it if I say it. When Philip was born, you said you loved me for Philip. Do you love me for myself?"**

"**Love comes with time, Martin. I think if we stay together, eventually we will have love. It just takes time, Martin. We've never had time together as a family. I don't have to stay in Portwenn. I could keep my cottage for holidays, and we could live where you find a posting. If you would like to stay in London, we could live in this flat. Holly's school would hire me."**

"**No matter what I do, I'm leaving Imperial. It just doesn't interest me any more. Robert Southwood always told me that I needed a different perspective from an NHS hospital in London. He thought I'd find it in The Sudan. Maybe, I found it in Portwenn. I'm not sure if I want to be a GP again, but a post more involved with research, teaching, that sort of thing. It's more interesting, more scientific, not only anesthetised bodies on a table."**

"**Martin, when we met with Teodora, I had no idea about many of the things you mentioned. If I knew any of it, we never would've had the horrible rows and hurt feelings on both sides. We have to sort out a way to live together without all these misunderstandings. When you say something that makes me insecure, rather than questioning you, I immediately think the worse. Saying you wanted to make changes with Philip, my first thought was that you would take him from me."**

"**No, Louisa, no, not at all."**

"**Of course, Martin, but that was my reaction. If we're to have any kind of life with Philip, we have to work on this. If we can do it, will you marry me? Really be Philip's parents. I want a family for my child. I don't want him plagued with the same insecurities we have from our childhoods. We could learn to get on well, we love Philip, that's all that matters."**

"**Louisa, Philip's asleep."**

**Nodding she says: "Sorry, Martin, you know how boring I am going on and on. Think of the times you had to walk away from me because I made no sense to you. I natter on, and I'm sorry."**

"**This time I understood everything you said. Let's sort this out and get married. I want to be with Philip. I would leave Chris and Susan's house with a sense of relief being away from their children. But soon, I had a great sense of sorrow. I put it down to the exhaustion caused by four noisy kids. When I told Teodora about it, she said the sorrow came from my wanting a family but having no idea how to create one."**

**Quietly leaving her bedroom with Martin, Louisa spots the blue-wrapped box and carries it to the lounge. When she and Martin settle on the sofa, she shyly hands it to him: "Happy Birthday from me and Philip."**

**He is quite serious as he carefully removes first the ribbon and then the paper. When he finally opens the box, he takes Louisa's hand and kisses it. "Thank you Louisa. These are perfect. The three circles - the three of us together." **

**Following a few more sessions with Dr. Varga-Nagy, an angry reaction from Imperial Hospital and near jubilation from Truro Hospital, Martin Ellingham moved back to Cornwall from London. There he and Louisa planned their life with Philip and were married on an extraordinary August day in Portwenn. Along with the date and their initials, their wedding rings contain the word "Happy."**

**After the wedding ceremony, Martin finally told Louisa that he loved her and in fact loved her "through it all." Louisa smiled at him in thanks for what she had dreamed of for so many, many years: a child, a husband, a family.**

**Continued . . .**

**Note: Dear reader: This concludes the part of the story in which Louisa decides to marry Martin. The next part of the story has three chapters in which Louisa decides to marry Gordon. Like Louisa, you may make a choice: do you want Louisa to marry Martin or do you want Louisa to marry Gordon? Like Louisa, only you know the best choice for yourself. Thank you for reading. **


	44. Chapter 44

**A Second Thought**

**On that extraordinary August day in Portwenn – the day of Louisa Glasson's long-awaited wedding – she pauses on the bottom church step and looks about for Philip. It is then that she sees Susan Parsons walk away from the courtyard while taking a mobile from her bag. Good friend of so many years, Martin wants to hear of Louisa's marriage to Gordon only from Susan. Not from Chris, not from Aunt Joan, but only from Susan. He thanks her, and she responds "We'll see you on Sunday, Martin."**

**When Susan calls, he is at Imperial working through a stack of cases before a holiday with the Parsons clan. Tomorrow morning he will fly to Truro and take a hired car to collect Philip from Aunt Joan's farm. From there, father and son will travel to Salcombe for what Susan can't wait to experience: Martin Ellingham on a family beach holiday. Daniel and Jean Parsons have long thought of Martin as their fourth son and now consider Philip another grandchild. Jean and Susan have finally persuaded him to join their summer gathering.**

**Even with the raucous Parsons family, Martin is actually looking forward to the time away. Having a week with Philip is what he needs after this last year. Now two, he is a bright child and mirrors Martin's behaviour in ways he could never imagine. He recognizes as well the influence of a loving mother on Philip: he thoughtfully plays with his toys, jabbers happily at his picture books, sings and smiles. Martin may have done these things with his nanny, but certainly not with his mother.**

**A month ago, Gordon phoned Martin to schedule a dinner and discuss the practicalities arising from his marriage to Louisa. When Martin arrived at the restaurant, Gordon was awaiting him. As they shook hands, he felt no tension in Gordon, nor did the man register any emotions. "Good," he thought, "I trained him well." **

**During the three years Gordon was on the Ellingham team, Martin was relentless in making him manage patients and surgeries with no emotions. It was the source of many arguments between them and the reason Ellingham still refers to Gordon Day as an ass. It is also why Gordon Day is an exceptional surgeon, why he drove Louisa to Portwenn, why he defends Ellingham and why he made Louisa decide. **

**Martin nearly smiles at the irony. Dr. Varga-Nagy made him uncover his emotions, and he made Gordon suppress his. Now Gordon will marry Louisa, a very emotional woman in Martin's opinion. At first he was shattered by the thought. However, after intense discussions with Teodora, he finally admitted to her and then to himself, that he does not love Louisa. They could continue together through the end of Philip's dependence on them and "then what," the psychologist asked? Eventually, Martin realized that they simply were not right for each other. They both tried so, but he could never get it right with Louisa. **

**He will always be grateful to Dr. Varga-Nagy for helping him manage his haemophobia, but more importantly, for gently telling him that he could find love with a woman other than Louisa. As always, the psychologist was brilliant. Following their holiday with the Parsons, Martin will drive to Torquay so that Noelle Giffen may meet Philip. Initially, he was not keen on having Noelle involved, but Teodora counseled him that it would be helpful to Philip. Noelle is part of his life and some day could be part of his son's life. **

**After the strange beginning to their relationship, the two have found a level of comfort Martin never knew with Louisa. It could be their medical training, their analytical minds or even their phlegmatic natures, but they seem suited to each other. For the moment, they get on well and will see what the future holds. With his new post at the medical school in Plymouth, he will be much closer to Philip as well as Noelle.**

**This week, Martin will tell Chris and Susan about Noelle, although he expects Chris may have heard rumors through the PCT gossip mill, which rivals that of St. Thomas's, Imperial and Portwenn.**

**Portwenn, a place he never liked but stayed only because of Louisa. After their bust up in London, he realized there was no need to remain in the village. Even after their baby's birth, he could not bear to do more than visit the village and see the only three people he cared about: Philip, Aunt Joan and Louisa. **

**The night of Holly's wedding, he thought nothing of canceling his dinner with Louisa as he had done before in Portwenn. While he was dining with Lieder and the visiting doctors, Freia Manning rang saying she had just met Louisa with Gordon Day. He thanked his former protégé for keeping him informed, and quickly phoned Louisa to arrange lunch the next day. Finally, he must put a stop to Day's interference in her life. **

**000**

**After ringing off with Martin, Louisa hears Samira calling after her as she makes her way to the avenue. Gordon told her that Louisa left, and she has asked Nasim's driver to fetch the car and take her where she likes. It is difficult finding a taxi on Saturday night. **

"**Oh, Samira, that's very kind of you, but I'll be fine. I'm sorry we didn't have a chance to chat, but thank you for inviting me tonight." **

**It was clear from Gordon's mood that things had not gone well with Louisa, so Samira only nods and urges Louisa to take the car. The day has caught up with her, and she is very tired. Not wanting to stand on a busy street waiting for a taxi, she accepts Samira's offer.**

**As they walk to the courtyard, Louisa asks about the auction, and Samira describes it as a ridiculous event. Nasim's role is to ply parents with good wine so they will buy bad art at high prices in support of the school. Louisa mentions her school's fair, and that the parents have so little money not even wine would help her fundraising efforts.**

**Midway along the crescent, they see Gordon approaching. He is carrying Charlotte and holding Evelyn's hand. Louisa turns away, but Samira takes her arm saying: "He's fine. Let's go on." As Gordon passes a lamp post, his face is illuminated. In it she sees the love and concern he has for his daughters as he leads them home. This is the look she sees on Martin's face when he holds Philip or even glances at him across the room. **

**Then Gordon notices Louisa and smiles as he did each time they met. Even with his anger tonight, he initially looked at her in this way. He could not mask his feelings. **

**This is not what she sees in Martin's face. There she sees the same pain, frustration and confusion that she knows Martin sees when he looks at her. Louisa walks toward Gordon asking: "May I come with you?" He nods, and they bid Samira good night. Then the four of them continue on to Gordon's house. **

**There he sees the girls to bed, while she finds her way about his well-organized kitchen to make tea. Sitting at a round table they talk about serious and not-so-serious matters. First, his hair is longer because Amelia is marrying Richard Seidel in a few weeks. Gordon will do a reading, and she asked that he grow his hair longer for the ceremony. Afterward, he will return to his surgeon's shear. **

**Cecily and her husband, David, have moved to California for two years, and she has changed her visitation arrangement. Charlotte and Evelyn will travel to the States for two weeks each summer, and Cecily will see them in London for Christmas week. Following Amelia's wedding, Gordon is taking them to California for five weeks where he will be a visiting scholar at Stanford Medical School. Charlotte and Evelyn will stay with Cecily the first two weeks, then Margaret and her children will be with them and Gordon the remaining weeks. Gordon is very upset about their limited time with Cecily, but he cannot force her to see their daughters more often. Perhaps when they are older she will find them less bothersome and more enjoyable.**

**Making no apologies for what he said earlier, Gordon repeats his question: "What about Ellingham, Louisa? Look me in the eye and tell me one way or the other. I have to know something from you." **

**Hesitating for only a minute, Louisa begins: "Gordon, we care about each other and both of us love Philip. We've tried so for him, but we simply aren't right for each other. I could go through the motions with Martin for the next 17 years as I have done since Philip was born. I'm not miserable, but I'm not happy. I suppose being not happy is manageable, but that's not the best way to raise Philip. Martin has a great sense of duty, and he could convince himself that he is with me out of love. And it would be out of love, but for Philip, not me. **

"**Much as I want to raise Philip in a home with both parents, it would be so difficult with Martin. Even his psychologist said we seem very unsuited to each other. She said we must work hard to avoid the problems we've had in the past because we are so very different. I don't want a relationship where every day is an effort to behave in a certain way, to always watch what I say and do. And I miss laughing. Martin rarely smiles and then only with Philip. There is no humour, no lightness, no ease - everything is literal. **

"**Gordon, I told you how I felt in Plymouth and meant it. But I don't expect anything from you. There's no need for you to rescue me. This decision is for me, not because of you."**

**Looking into Gordon's eyes, Louisa proclaims: "I am finished with Martin." **

**Gordon has a sip of tea, pauses and exhales loudly: "Well, then, Louisa. What should we do about all of this?"**

**Not averting her gaze, she reveals the tiniest grin: "A kiss would be very nice."**

**Leaving his chair, Gordon takes Louisa's hand, pulls her to him, kisses her softly and then kisses her again. "Is this what you want Louisa?" She shakes her ****head no. Laughing, he says: "Even with all your bloody candy bars, it's a lot easier getting my arms around you now than that first time in Plymouth." And then he kisses her, and she returns the kiss and awaits the question she wants him to ask: "Any reaction, Louisa?" "Yes, Gordon, I still love you."**

**Louisa makes another pot of tea while Gordon prepares sandwiches with chicken, chili mayonnaise and spinach. When they finish the oddly-delicious meal, he produces a tin from a high shelf containing the sweets he allows the girls. Louisa selects a packet of chocolate biscuits which Gordon admits are his favourite and the actual reason he keeps the tin out of sight. **

**They continue with their tea and biscuits and talk easily about serious and not-so-serious things until nearly midnight. Then Gordon phones for a taxi to take Louisa to her hotel, and one appears much faster than they would like. **

**Before tucking Louisa into the car, he kisses her and then rubs her shoulder saying: "Please call me in the morning."**

**As she is undressing in her hotel room, her mobile rings. It is Gordon.**

"**I thought I was to call you in the morning."**

"**I couldn't wait that long to talk to the woman I love." **

**Continued . . . **


	45. Chapter 45

**A Walk Away**

**It is a rainy, cold November morning in London, five months following Holly's wedding. Martin's flat is near Imperial Hospital and Parliament, so traffic is heavy even on a Saturday. Arriving under the building's porte cochere, Louisa is greeted by the kindly porter, Mr. Malik. With his mummy's reassurances, Philip soon remembers the porter from his summer visits and smiles rather than retreating to his usual shyness. Carrying Philip, Louisa follows Mr. Malik and his loaded cart to the lift. **

**Martin swings open the door to his flat and immediately talks to Philip whom he hasn't seen in three weeks. Louisa joins in the chat, so that he becomes comfortable with his dad. When he easily smiles and pats Martin's cheek, Louisa organizes the baby paraphernalia, and places a thermal bag of formula-filled bottles in the fridge. **

**Holly's flat is very close she assures Martin. He only need phone her if anything should happen. Martin re-assures her that Philip will be fine with him. He has his music, books and toys if he become restless. With many tears from Louisa, but none from Philip, she hugs and kisses him and waves good bye. She hurries toward the lift before losing her courage and running back to reclaim her little boy.**

**After stopping at a grocers, Louisa drives to Holly's flat and drops her shopping and luggage with the new weekend desk man, a disinterested university student named Colin. However, he does give Louisa a tip on several good parking spots in the alley behind the building. When she returns, Colin offers Louisa a cart to take everything upstairs. He will collect it later – if he remembers.**

**It is a bit chilly in the flat, so Louisa switches on the heat and then has a shower and washes her hair. They left Portwenn so early, she had time for neither. Philip slept for the first few hours of the trip and, when he awakened, she stopped at a petrol station. There she changed his nappy, fed him breakfast and had a cup of tea. Louisa is so nervous about the weekend, she could eat nothing. Back in the car, Philip settled into entertaining himself with his 16 month old chattering and a few favourite toys.**

**While drying her hair, Louisa recalls her lunch with Martin the day after Holly's wedding - and the day she decided. **

**That morning she awakens well rested after sleeping longer than usual. She immediately phones Caroline to check on Philip. Tom answers, saying that Caroline is bathing Philip and "of course he misses you terribly." Joan is fetching him at noon for his visit to High Trees, and Caroline will go with them. They will see Louisa later tonight. **

**Then she phones Isabelle to wish her a good trip and to explain that she is now meeting Martin for lunch. "Oh, good, Louisa. You'll sort this out with Martin. Jeremy and I were able to set things right and so can you."**

**Louisa checks out and leaves her luggage in the ****care of the hotel reception and will take the tube to meet Martin. It is only a little after ten and she can use the time to prepare herself for their conversation.**

**The restaurant is quite busy when she arrives a full 20 minutes early. Providing Martin's name, Louisa is immediately taken to a table, and a pot of tea soon appears. She has a roll and butter while waiting for him.**

**Martin looks about as he strides into the restaurant, and she stands to kiss him on the cheek. Coffee is brought to him as soon as he settles into his chair. Announcing he will have a plain salad and broiled salmon with no butter, Martin looks toward Louisa. She quickly consults the menu, selects a roasted pumpkin and stilton risotto and asks for a glass of white wine with the meal. Martin raises his eyebrows but says nothing.**

**Offering Martin the album of Philip's photos, she says: "This is nearly finished, and I'll take a few more snaps before his birthday. I thought you might want to see it in case you can't come for the party."**

"**Oh, I'll be at the party Louisa. Aunt Joan said it's going to be quite large."**

"**Not all that large, Martin. It's to be on the terrace of the Portwenn Hotel but only punch, tea sandwiches and birthday cake. Leslie is fairly busy now with tourists, but the terrace will take about 50 people. I thought it would be a good way to celebrate Philip's birthday and to thank everyone who has helped during his first year."**

"**Does that include Gordon Day, Louisa?"**

"**No, Martin. Gordon will not be at the party."**

"**Why not? You saw him last night didn't you?"**

"**Yes, I did Martin. After you cancelled dinner, I phoned him. He was working at a fundraiser for his daughters' school, and his neighbour invited me to stop by - just as Freia Manning told you."**

**Ignoring her comment about Freia, Martin continues: **"**Louisa, I've warned you about Day. He has made a mess of his life. First, he divorced a brilliant surgeon and then turned down my old post at St. Thomas's to cobble together some sort of job which has him doing routine surgeries, running M&M conferences and playing nursemaid to medical students. He'll never get a decent posting again."**

"**First off, Martin, Cecily divorced Gordon because she was having an affair with a man she has now married. They've moved to California where she has several clinics for breast augmentation surgeries just as she has in London. By her choice, she will see her daughters only a few times a year leaving him to raise them. **

"**He could continue as a surgeon – very nicely in your old post it seems – but wants to care for his children. With the schedule he has put together, he is with them on the weekends and most evenings, but continues to work after they are asleep. You want to be closer to Philip and are planning to leave London to do so. I would think you could now understand the career choices he has made for his daughters."**

**Their meals arrive and they begin to eat. **

"**This risotto is lovely, Martin, how's your salmon?"**

"**Fine, it's fine." Clearing his throat, Martin has a sip of water and asks: "Are you going to see Day any more Louisa?"**

"**Yes. I'm planning to see him in mid-July here in London. His secretary is being married, and he's asked me to the wedding."**

"**You can't do that, Louisa. We are Philip's parents. You can't leave him to run off to London whenever you like. This weekend you're away from him and then you'll leave him again in a month. That's irresponsible."**

**Using the technique Dr. Varga-Nagy suggested to Martin, Louisa closes her eyes and counts to 5, then she calmly responds: "Martin, these two days are the longest I've been away from Philip since he was born. I hardly call leaving him with Caroline and Tom Bosman irresponsible. Your very own aunt and Caroline are taking him to High Trees this afternoon.**

"**I'll bring him to London with me, and we can stay with Holly and Mark. They'll be back from their honeymoon in two weeks and are happy to mind him during the wedding. You can see him that weekend or he can stay with you – whichever you like." **

"**I don't want Day to see him."**

"**Don't worry, Martin. He will see only me."**

"**What about his kids."**

"**They know Amelia and are very excited about attending the wedding. You know how little girls are about that sort of thing. It's like a fairytale to them."**

"**Louisa, I thought we were building a life together with Philip."**

"**Martin, I've tried so with you. And you have tried with me. When Philip was born, and I had to live a real life with you, I realized how difficult it was. We make the best of it because of Philip. He is what we have in common, but little else. The last year made it clear that we are two very different people. I understand how difficult it has been for you, first with the clinical trial and then with your new surgery posting. We have grown apart, not together. You love Philip, and I love Philip. We could continue as we are: sleeping together when it's convenient, doing things with Philip, sorting out the weekend errands, shopping, cooking. Going through the motions. **

"**You are a brilliant man, a superb doctor, and I am thankful that we conceived a child. Philip is the most wonderful baby I could ever imagine. You feel the same about him. But that is not enough for me. I want someone to talk to without having to watch every word I say or biting my tongue when I say the wrong thing. Recently, I've noticed Philip becomes tense and nearly cries when we bicker at each other. That is not how I want to raise him. **

"**I don't want to be on guard all the time about what I eat or drink. If I want a biscuit, I want a biscuit. If I want a glass of wine, I should be able to drink a glass of wine. I'm an adult and can choose what I want. Nothing I do endangers my health or Philip."**

"**Look, Louisa, I can change all of that. You are eating that risotto and drinking wine. Neither is good for you, but I haven't said a thing. I can watch it. God knows I've tried, but sometimes you are so illogical, something must be said to protect you."**

"**No need for you to protect me Martin. And I don't want you to be on guard when you're with me. It's not a comfortable way for you to live." **

"**Dr. Varga-Nagy said I can change. It could take a bit more time, but I could change. We only need to learn how to talk to each other."**

"**Martin, she said much more than that. You told me she asked if we would be together had I not become pregnant. Would we have ended our relationship at St. Thomas's? Is it only because of Philip that you tried to patch things up with me?"**

"**When Philip was born, you told me you loved me. What happened, Louisa?"**

"**That was a very emotional time for me, for both of us. I loved you for giving me Philip. For a very long time I thought I loved you, but it was infatuation. I finally realized that no matter how I tried, it was not enough."**

"**Yes, I know. It's terribly difficult trying to be with you. When I'm in Portwenn, nothing I do seems right for you. The least thing I say or do sets you off. I've done it for Philip. It has not been a happy time for me either."**

**Wincing at Martin's words, Louisa only responds: "Oh, I see."**

"**But you were right about Philip. He is a wonderful child and has changed my life just as you said he would. Now, I can't imagine my life never knowing the love of a child, my child. Susan Parsons told me it was the greatest love, and I've learned she's right."**

**They continue their meal, and Martin asks Louisa when she's returning to Portwenn. She'll take the tube back to the hotel for her bags and board the earliest train. Term ends in two weeks and, if Martin wants, she can bring Philip to London for the summer. They can stay at Holly's flat and visit Martin in the evening and on weekends.**

"**Will you be seeing Day during that time, Louisa?"**

"**No, Martin. He'll be teaching in California. I only thought it would be helpful for Philip to have more time with you this summer. It'll be good for both of you."**

**As they prepare to leave the restaurant, Louisa asks if Martin would like to take the album now or have it at Philip's birthday party. He will take it now. Several people have asked about Philip, and he would like to show them recent photos. He is very proud of his son. **

**Outside, she turns toward the tube station, and he softly calls: "Louisa." Looking back at him, she responds: "I know, me too." When he says nothing more, she adds: "See you around" and then walks down the hill to the station. **

**She doesn't have to turn around to know that Martin is following her with his eyes. Reaching a corner, she quickly glances back and watches as he bends his head over his mobile. Good, she thinks, he has someone to phone. When he had the first bout of haemophobia in London, he said he had no one to talk to about the bad things in his life. **

**Continued . . . .**


	46. Chapter 46

**A Time Together**

**As Louisa walks away from the rain streaked window and the memories of her lunch with Martin, she believes that she made the right decision. And her choice was as much for Philip as for herself. **

**The nearly two years between their weekend in London and Holly's wedding had been quite difficult for Martin and Louisa. She was pregnant, then mostly alone with the baby while he worked on the clinical trial and tried to re-establish himself as a surgeon in faraway London. What little time they had together was often filled with senseless bickering. **

**Not telling her about the dinner in his honor had been a harsh blow and made her even more insecure about Martin. Shortly afterward he began seeing his psychologist again but would not say why. In his usual blunt fashion, Martin did say she questioned the reason for his rekindled interest in Louisa. Was it only because she was pregnant that he tried to continue their relationship?**

**Louisa was quite hurt but knew there was more than a little truth to what the doctor asked. For once, she could not control herself and exploded at Martin with all the pent up frustration of the last few years. He would not respond but only pulled an elastic on his wrist. Finally, she grabbed the band and took it from his arm as if he were a defiant Grade 6 boy. He only said: "Fine. I will count as my psychologist suggested. I need some way of dealing with you." It had been a horrible argument, and Louisa apologized the next day. Martin said nothing but held Philip closer. **

**Her only relief during that time was Gordon Day. Exchanging emails, their few phone conversations and the times they met, she felt like herself: comfortable, able to talk about interesting issues, laughing at Gordon's self-deprecating comments and her somewhat sarcastic retorts. She was at ease with him, she felt his care and concern for her, she was falling in love with him. **

**At their last meeting in Plymouth, she told him, and he would not listen to her. He would only repeat: "You can't do this, Louisa, unless you're over Ellingham. I'll have no contact with you until you can tell me you are finished with him. I'm forcing myself not to fall in love with you, and it's damn difficult. I respect him, and you have to decide what you want."**

**Finally, as they were at Gordon's kitchen table, drinking tea and chatting, Louisa knew what she wanted. She wanted Philip to have both a mother and a father who are happy, not two people going through the motions of a loving relationship with the hope that it would become real. She and Martin love Philip and will be better parents apart rather than together.**

**Although they have seen each other a few times since Holly's wedding, this is the first weekend she and Gordon will be alone. Louisa came to London for Amelia's wedding to Richard Seidel in July because Gordon easily convinced her he would make a shambles of the reading without her. She brought Philip, and they stayed at Holly's new townhouse. After minding the well-behaved Philip during the wedding, Mark and Holly are even more anxious to have a child. **

**She had a delightful time with Gordon and his daughters who were enchanted by the wedding. At the reception, Louisa joined other mothers on the dance floor where they formed a circle with the children happily jumping about inside. Free spirited Charlotte performed pirouettes and jetes from ballet class, while studious Evelyn attentively followed the mums' movements.**

**Gordon danced only twice: once with Amelia, as he had promised, and once with Louisa. He shuffled her across the floor and being held by him was much more enjoyable than his attempt to dance. Louisa assured him that "Love You 'Til the End" was better music for listening than dancing. **

**She did ask Martin if he wanted to have Philip at his flat for the weekend, but there was a conference on Saturday and a dinner that evening. They agreed to meet at the park near his building on Sunday. Martin was his usual loving self with Philip who was happy to see his dad. Louisa watched as Martin first carried him to the fountain where he excitedly turned toward the spray and then to the roundabout which he likes to watch and some day will ride. **

**While Louisa fed him, Martin read aloud, and when he fell asleep, they arranged him on a blanket between them. She and Martin talked idly about their child as he leafed through a journal, and she wrote thank you notes for Philip's birthday gifts. Martin did come to the birthday party and was cordial to the guests, although very protective of Philip around those villagers he deemed less-than-hygienic. Aunt Joan bravely brought a piece of birthday cake to him, and Louisa smiled as Martin dutifully ate it. **

**Before the new school term began, Gordon returned from California with his daughters and brought them to Cornwall where they stayed at the Portwenn Hotel. Charlotte and Evelyn were very sweet to Louisa but were more interested in Philip. They are young enough to crawl about and play with him, but Evelyn, in particular, was happy reading one book after another to him. **

**Gordon had a run along the cliffs with Al Large and encountered a few villagers he found "quite interesting." When they learned he was visiting their Miss Glasson, they found him even more interesting. By the time Louisa and Gordon took the children to an early supper at Large's Restaurant, it seemed the entire village made a point of bumping into them, including Martin's Aunt Joan. **

**She was very gracious and made only a sotto voce comment about her nephew to Louisa. Gordon mentioned that he had once worked for Martin who was a brilliant surgeon and that Philip was a wonderful child. Praising the two most important people in her life won her over. But she did point out to Louisa that Gordon could use some meat on his bones.**

**In mid-October Gordon and the girls came to Plymouth and booked in at the same hotel overlooking the harbour while Philip and Louisa stayed with Susan and Chris. They took the children to the maritime museum on Saturday afternoon and that night several St. Mary's friends came for dinner at the Parsons. They were very kind and welcoming to Louisa, and she kept up with their conversation quite well.**

**One of the women brought up the current maths mystery circulating on the web: what is the correct answer to the problem 48/2(9+3)? A rousing, good-natured discussion followed with most asserting the answer was "288," rather than the "2" put forth by only Louisa and Chris. Louisa explained how to solve the equation using the humourous mnemonics many then recalled from their school days. Across the table Gordon nodded his head and smiled as she had been quite anxious about meeting his friends. **

**Although Louisa and Gordon have talked and e-mailed almost every day since June, it's been a challenge arranging their schedules. This weekend Philip is staying with Martin, and Samira has taken Charlotte, Evelyn and her daughters to the family's country home. Louisa is nervous and excited to see Gordon as their long kisses and embraces have left no doubt what they both want this weekend.**

**Gordon phoned her at five this morning as she was leaving Portwenn and he was driving to St. Thomas's for morning rounds with med students. Afterward, he will be at the M&M conference for the baby who died following Gordon's operation on his mother. He will be in need of cheer after the grim review he faces. **

**At precisely one o'clock Gordon arrives in the company of the university student who remembered to retrieve the cart. When Louisa opens the door, Gordon is there with an overnight bag and a bouquet of flowers. The young man smirks at Gordon who winks saying: "Thank's mate. Big night ahead." As he closes the door, they both laugh and Gordon greets her with: "Come here, beautiful."**

**Continued . . . **


	47. Chapter 47

**The Weekend in London**

**Several satisfying hours later, Gordon rolls away from Louisa asking: "Do we have to phone children, nannies, aunts or friends or can we keep doing this all night?" Then the two become a bit silly and playful as only people can be when they are temporarily liberated from the care of young, demanding children - however precious they may be. **

**When Louisa's stomach rumbles, they admit to each other they were too nervous to eat today. It is near teatime, and they agree to leave the bed on the count of three and have a bite. Louisa quickly grabs her dressing gown while Gordon flees to the loo, clothes in hand. Walking toward the kitchen she spots the flowers he dropped on the floor when she threw her arms around him. She quickly picks them up and finds a vase. They look no worse for wear being out of water for a time, and she calls into him saying they are lovely. **

**Gordon soon joins her in the small dining room where they have tea, cheese, celery, ****winter pears and the Scottish shortbread Louisa made from Selena MacKenzie's recipe. Feeling a bit fanciful, she cut the shortbread into small hearts and dipped one half of each heart in chocolate. Gordon eats two and jokes that he will need angioplasty if he has another. Then he does.**

**His manner changes as he takes her hand and describes today's M&M conference. Several med school mates heard of the operation and asked Gordon about it at the Parsons. It was only then that Louisa learned of the very high mortality rate for this type of surgery and Gordon's extraordinary skill in saving the mother and one baby. But today he talks of the one who died. **

"**When we finished the operation, I met with the dad about his wife's condition and the prognosis for the twins. He asked many questions and, while we were talking, the obstetrics registrar came out saying one of the babies had died. The dad was in pharmaceutical sales and had the medical training to understand how serious the situation had been. He was very stoic and thanked us for saving his wife and the one child. The mum was in recovery, but we took him in to see his sons. Holding them both to his chest, he gently explained to one baby that his brother had died, but that they would always remember him and love him. It was so terribly sad.**

"**More than most, that death affected me greatly. That night and the next day, I forced myself not to phone you. I needed you so badly – needed the support and comfort you had given me in the past, Louisa. It was then I admitted I was in love with you.**

"**The night you phoned me in London, I thought you were done with Martin, but you weren't. Then Samira insisted you come to the bloody auction. It was horrible seeing you, knowing that I loved you, but couldn't have you. That's why I made you decide. You knew Ellingham, you knew me. You had to decide."**

"**Gordon, I'm sorry for all of this. It's been very difficult. You know about my childhood and that I've always wanted a family. Philip gave me a chance to have that with Martin."**

"**Well, Louisa, I have a family if you like. My daughters are a bit spoiled, my sister has a snake tattoo, her kids are a little odd, and her husband reads medical journals so we'll have something to chat about. I also inherited a set of ex-in-laws who are nicer to me than their daughter ever was, but we all get along well enough." **

"**Margaret has a snake tattoo?"**

"**Yes," he laughs, "left over from her days singing with rock bands. It once started at her chin and extended below her chest to you can imagine where. She had a little of it removed from her chin and neck, but stopped because it was too painful. Her proper friends in Warwick would be appalled if they knew her secret."**

"**Well, then, Gordon. What secrets do you have?"**

"**I had a girlfriend at Oxford named Esme who wrote poetry and broke my heart more times than I care to remember. And I was with my dad when he died and couldn't save him. Then I tried to ruin my life, but my uncle wouldn't let me." **

"**My God, Gordon. What happened?"**

"**I was 17 and in the Sixth Form at school. After working on a Saturday at my uncle's garage, I came home to find my dad lying on the hall floor. Waiting for the ambulance, I tried to perform the CPR I learned at Sea Scouts but couldn't revive him. For a long time, I thought he died because of me. My mum was devastated, and I had no idea what to do about any of it. Men from dad's agency were passing around a flask at the wake and gave me a shot of courage to go back to my mother and sister. **

"**The little whiskey dad had at the house I drank quickly, then I turned to beer and wasted a good part of the money I'd saved for university. Somehow I kept my school marks and finished the term. I had my summer job at the uncle's garage and went to pubs every night only to come home drunk. On Sundays I drank in my room all day, but mum didn't know what to do about me. She was trying to learn the insurance business and was a mess herself. Mum insisted I matriculate at Oxford as my dad wanted, but I'd likely last a week and then come back to work at the garage for the rest of my sorry life.**

"**Two days before I left, my uncle took me into his cubbyhole office and pulled out a thick file. It held handwritten notes about my dad's family going back over 400 years when they ended up in what's now Scotland from some wrecked ship out of God knows where. He read to me what my family had endured over the years, ending with his own experience in the British Army. He was severely wounded by an IRA pipe bomb in Belfast, and it took nearly two years and many surgeries to regain the use of his legs. He still limped badly, but I knew not to ask why, because my cousins said he'd never discuss it. Then he looked me in the eye and said something like: 'Boy, this is a family of honour. Do you want to be the one to end that?'**

"**That's when I grew up and stopped feeling sorry for myself. I made a choice to live honourably for my dad and his family and for my family. It would have been difficult if I never had you, but it was nothing compared to what they endured. That's me and my family, Louisa. It's what I can offer you." **

**After giving Gordon a very big hug and an even bigger kiss, they return to bed to talk more. But as Louisa points out to Gordon, in her sternest voice, he is easily distracted. **

**Near nine their takeaway pizza arrives, and they eat it accompanied by the Champagne Gordon brought. Afterward they are giddy enough that Louisa decides to teach him how to dance. Holly has left a CD of songs played at her wedding, and they are perfect. Louisa is able to develop a bit of rhythm in Gordon's scientific brain, and after an hour or so, she declares him ready for the next wedding. He prefers the honeymoon, and they finally do what many couples do on their honeymoon: go to bed and eventually sleep for a very long time. **

**On Sunday morning Louisa leaves Gordon sleeping and is again taken with how sweet he looks. She has a shower, makes tea and prepares to cook a spinach omelet for him. A little later, he does a mock waltz into the kitchen wearing chinos and a jumper. He hasn't shaven, his longer hair is wet and mussed from the shower, but Louisa finds him irresistible. She walks into his arms and he kisses her then holds her very tightly. With her head buried in his chest, Louisa says: "Marry me." He pulls back from her and asks: "What was that, Louisa?" **

"**Will you marry me, Gordon?"**

**Laughing he says: "Bit cheeky of you, Louisa, asking before I could. Yes, I'll marry you."**

**When the sun finally re-appears, Gordon and Louisa take a walk through the neighbourhood, arm in arm. Passing an antiques shop, she sees some medical instruments and he spots a pile of maths books. They carefully separate inside to find a gift for each other to remember the weekend. Instead of old books or instruments, Gordon selects a delicate garnet necklace which compliments her mother's ring, and Louisa finds a pair of cufflinks with the faded initials "GMD" still evident. And these they wore on their wedding day nearly a year later in Portwenn.**

**But the journey to their wedding was not as easy as that sunny, November Sunday promised. Many challenges awaited Gordon and Louisa. He had six more months on his contract with St. Thomas's and wanted to stay in London, hoping that Cecily would return from California and see more of the girls. Stanford Medical School had offered him a faculty position which would allow Evelyn and Charlotte to be near their mother should she want more time with them. ****Louisa assured Gordon she would move to London but did not want to take Philip as far away from his dad as San Francisco. **

**In the midst of this uncertainty, Gordon's solicitor was notified that Cecily wanted to change arrangements once again. She and David are staying permanently in the States but are not sure where. Evelyn and Charlotte need visit her for only one week in the summer and another week at Christmas. More importantly, she would not allow her daughters to attend "a backwater yokel school" – Louisa's school. **

**Gordon reluctantly gave up on forging a relationship between his daughters and their mother and asked Chris Parsons to look for postings in Cornwall. Bearing in mind Cecily's concerns about Portwenn Primary, Louisa told him of a first rate girls school in Plymouth and a prep school associated with Truro High School. Chris suggested a surgery opening in Plymouth, and the board was eager to hire Gordon. But it involved managing a clinical trial as well as surgery, and Gordon would prefer something allowing him to do both surgery and teaching. **

**At Aunt Joan's wedding in April, Martin told Louisa he was fairly confident of being hired for a post in Plymouth, bringing him much closer to Portwenn. W****hile good for Philip, Martin's move made things with Gordon more complicated. Louisa was a bit overwhelmed at the moment: Testing would begin the next week at school and Philip was having a premature attack of the "terrible twos." Her once sweet child had turned headstrong and grumpy. To add to it, she hadn't seen Gordon in nearly a month and missed him. **

**That night Louisa phones Gordon saying Martin's relocation to Plymouth would make a move to London more difficult. Gordon is keen on his work in London, and she is limiting his career choices. Charlotte and Evelyn do well at their current school, and she knows the shortcomings of her underfunded village school. How are they going to sort this out? Gordon sounds a bit tired himself and only says: "I don't know, Louisa, but it's a logistical problem that can be solved."**

**On Sunday she is in a blur following several battles of will with Philip and preparing for testing. The next morning, she drops Philip at the babyminder with a sigh of relief and walks on to school feeling sad and weary. She has just completed the first set of tests and is about to leave for a maths class when Gordon hurries past a protesting Sally Chadwick into her office. **

"**Look, Louisa. This is what we are going to do: I'll find a good job in Cornwall. The girls can attend an A levels school in Plymouth or Truro after Portwenn Primary. You can stay here with Philip, Ellingham will be near enough in Plymouth, and we have to buy a bigger house. Figure out a date for the wedding because we are damn well getting married." **

**Then he pushes the door shut, and kisses her. Not lightly, not softly, but in a way that has thrilled her since that first day in Plymouth. For good measure, he pulls an old velvet box from his pocket saying: "Margaret gave this to me from my mum's jewelry. It was her engagement ring, and it came from my father's family. Margaret knows my grandmother wore it, but the box is from a jeweler in Falkirk, so it could've belonged to my great-grandmother who came to Warwick from Scotland as a servant girl. You asked me to marry you in London, now will you marry me Louisa Glasson?"**

**After a letter from Stanford Medical School expressing regret that Dr. Day declined a faculty position, a cry of relief from Chris Parsons that he found the perfect successor to Charlie Cavanaugh at Truro Hospital and numerous emails between Gordon and Louisa sorting out countless details, the two were married on a glorious August day in Portwenn. Along with the date and their initials, their wedding bands contain the single word "honour." It is what Gordon meant when he told Louisa he loved her "through it all." It is why Louisa wanted the story of the Good Samaritan read at their wedding. **

**Did Louisa choose to marry Gordon?**

**Continued. . . .**


	48. Chapter 48

**A Photo Finish**

**Each year at Christmas, Dr. Susan Wright performs an act of love for her husband: she assumes her married identity of Mrs. Christopher Parsons and attends a number of PCT parties throughout Cornwall. Today's event is at Truro Hospital, and she looks forward to catching up with several people.**

**Walking down a corridor in the surgical wing, she notices the unusual calm. ****Even the monitors seem to be emitting only the faintest of beeps. Of course, Martin would have every little thing quiet and orderly on his service. In the Chief of Surgery's outer office, she is greeted by Catherine Williston, the department secretary, who has moulded herself to the personalities of several chiefs over the last 28 years. Today, she coolly welcomes Susan: "I will ring Mr. Ellingham to say you are here, Mrs. Parsons."**

**Soon Martin appears looking as immaculately groomed as ever. His hair has a bit more gray in it, but so would hers without the deft hand of the colourist she saw two weeks ago in London. He leans to kiss her cheek, saying to Catherine, "please let me know when Mrs. Ellingham arrives." **

**After taking a chair by his sleek contemporary desk, Susan marvels at how clutter-free the office is. How does he do it? Papers on her desk seem to multiply overnight, no matter how she tries. A leather sofa and chair are grouped around a glass coffee table with the current volume of the "British Journal of Surgery" near the left corner. On Martin's desk is a leather diary, likely from Aspinal, a small antique clock and the iPad Chris makes the medical staff use. Next to the telephone is a silver-framed photograph. ****A large gold-coloured Buddha is on a pedestal behind the sofa, and the bookshelf opposite it is filled with neatly arranged medical journals.**

**Gesturing to the Buddha, Susan comments: "I remember the Sunday you and Edith appeared for lunch at our pokey little flat in London lugging that thing. Chris joked that other women gave their fiances cufflinks as an engagement present, but Edith gave you a bloody Buddha. Thank God, she went off to Canada. Edith never would have wanted a child."**

**"No, she wouldn't. Her career was much too important and mine was as well. But now I can't imagine not having Philip. When he was born Louisa said he would be the best thing I every accomplished in my life. Then you told me that no matter how good I felt about Louisa, I would feel much better about Philip. It's true. I'm fascinated by the simplest thing he does. He is such a comfort and joy to me. Louisa has taught him to say he loves me, and he'll say it at the oddest times. The other day I scolded him for throwing a toy, and he gave me an innocent look and said 'I love you.' He knows how to win over his old dad. He'll never have my miserable childhood, and I have Louisa to thank for that. She is a lovely mother."**

**Looking archly at Martin, she says: "Perhaps, it's time for another."**

**"Oh, no. Louisa insists on staying at the school. With one it's manageable, but she couldn't do it with a second."**

**A bit sarcastially she responds: "Yes, Martin, I can't imagine working with two children, much less four."**

**"Susan if that's what you and Chris want, it's fine. I happen to think a child should be cared for by the mother, not by a nanny. I don't want that for Philip."**

**Susan will say nothing more because this is a subject they have debated since Danny was born. Granted, she now teaches only two university classes, but even that is too much for Martin. Changing the subject she tweaks him by asking: "Looking forward to the party, Martin?"**

"**God, no. It will be ghastly, but Louisa insists I attend. Even made me wear this red and green stripey tie. Claimed it was a gift from Philip, so I couldn't say no to it. They'll be here shortly."**

**Before Susan can reply, the desk phone rings and Philip bursts into the room calling "daddy, daddy." Martin moves from his chair to pick up Philip: "How's my boy? Did you have a good day with Claudia? Tell me what you did today."**

**Susan smiles as Philip natters on, and Martin delights in his commentary. At his dad's prompting "remember what mummy taught you," Philip looks to her and says: "Happy Christmas Aunty Susan. I love you." She kisses his forehead saying: "That's very sweet, Philip. I love you too." He smiles, pats her cheek, and repeats "Happy Christmas. I love you."**

**Louisa enters looking a little flustered. "Oh, hullo Susan. Sorry, we didn't make it on time, Martin, bit of traffic near that new roadway. Should we go to the party now?"**

"**Actually, Louisa the party doesn't begin until four o'clock. I told you half past three to make sure you'****d be on time. You know you're never punctual."**

"**Sorry, Martin. Well, now it seems we've some time, so I'll dash to the loo. Didn't want to take a moment when I fetched Philip. Very kind of you to keep me on schedule."**

**Susan turns to Louisa: "Let me come with you. I'll be shaking hands for the rest of the afternoon and may not have another chance."**

**As they walk down the corridor, Louisa asks: "How was your trip to London?"**

"**It was fantastic, absolutely fantastic. We left the children with my parents in Cambridge and stayed at the hotel where the reception was held. Very posh and proper for a second marriage. And one of my set-ups finally worked!****"**

**"Which friend was it Susan?"**

**"Eleanor, the psychologist. I had tried to set them up a while ago, but he wasn't ready. Then he phoned her in January out of the blue. A whirlwind romance followed, and they are very happy. Most of the St. Mary's crowd was there, and it was great fun.**

**"Are you staying in Plymouth for Christmas or back to Cambridge?"**

**"We'll be in Plymouth. The entire family is descending on us and my parents as well. It will be bedlam for a few days, but I love it. I was an only child and always wanted a big family. Now I have it only because Daniel gave Christopher a kick in the arse so he'd marry me. What are you doing?"**

**"Well Joan and Frederick are visiting his family in Exeter, so there'll be the three of us for Christmas. The next day, I'll take Philip to the Boxing Day festivities around the village. Caroline and Tom are having their usual big party even though baby Andrew's only three months old. Philip loves Andrew, and we hope they'll stay close because neither will have a sibling near in age. Tom's sons are in their 20s and adore Andrew. In fact, they'll be his godfathers at the Christening. I'm to be the godmother."**

**When they return, Louisa chats with Mrs. Williston who has been reading to Philip, while Susan returns to Martin's office for her coat. There, Susan picks up the photograph from his desk. "I remember this from the wedding. What a beautiful day it was. My worst fear was that it would rain, and those five creamy bridesmaids dresses would be splattered with mud. Freia and Elizabeth are planning to visit us in the summer with their girls, and Isabelle will bring her daughter from Falmouth. It will be a reunion of the five bridesmaids. Wouldn't it be lovely if they stayed friends forever?"**

**Looking distractedly at her, Martin mumbles: "Yes, very nice." **

"**Don't mind me, Martin, I'll be off to the party. But this is a lovely photo of the three of you."**

**Susan looks at the photo and remembers the scene in the church courtyard: Martin is holding Philip, and Louisa is standing next to him. Both are looking lovingly and happily at Philip. **

**0 0 0**

**Or, as Susan walks through the surgical wing of Truro Hospital, does she see brightly colored drawings taped to the walls? They are made by patients in the children's ward and are collected each week by the Chief of Surgery as he visits the young patients with the complicated surgeries or nasty schoolyard fractures.**

**Catherine Williston excitedly greets Susan as she enters the office. "Hello, Susan, so nice to see you. Louisa just called and the children are on their way. Gordon's in his office with a junior registrar, but he won't miss the party. I've just a few more decorations to finish."**

**Tinsel garlands with faerie lights are strung along the ceiling, and fresh wreaths are hung on Gordon's door, above Catherine's desk and on two large windows facing the courtyard. Catherine mentions that the girls are bringing more decorations, and she is at the ready to help festoon their dad's office. **

**Susan can hear the four of them coming before the door opens, Charlotte enters first calling over her shoulder "Hurry, it's beautiful. It's all ready for Father Christmas." Louisa, Philip and Evelyn follow her, and the three children exclaim: "Happy Christmas Mrs. Williston. Happy Christmas Mrs. Parsons." Catherine holds Philip who tries to sing the carols Charlotte and Evelyn are practising for their school play while the girls show her the paper stars and angels they've made. **

**Louisa hugs Susan saying: "I have to run to the loo, back in a second. Catherine can you keep an eye on this lot while I wee." **

"**Take your time, might be a little dicey in there with the registrar. He was a bit insubordinate, and Gordon's probably giving him a what for." **

**Louisa rolls her eyes: "No, they're probably talking about some film or running. I'll get him out of there when I return."**

**Susan says: "Let me come with you. Once I start shaking hands, I won't have a chance to do anything else."**

**In the loo, Susan asks: "How are you, Louisa?"**

"**I'm fine, but as you once said 'perpetual peeing is the worst part of being pregnant.'" **

**Susan squeals: "Oh, Louisa, I'm so happy. How far along are you?"**

"**Don't worry, Susan. Only two months. This time I managed to get married before getting myself pregnant."**

**As they wash their hands, Louisa compliments Susan's hair colour. "Well I had to look perfect for Eleanor's fancy London wedding. It was the second for both of them, but they did it up right. You know I tried to set her up with Gordon, and we had a giggle about it. But she and Mickey Gilroy are perfect for each other. Louisa, don't mention my hair to Chris. When I told him what it cost, I thought he was going to divorce me. But then he realized he'd be left with the four kiddies and said it was worth whatever I paid."**

"**Susan, by next Christmas, we'll have four as well! At my age, Gordon thought it would take longer for us to get pregnant. I warned him that my friend Caroline became pregnant at 41 the first time they tried. But we are very happy. We haven't told the girls yet, but will talk to them after Cecily and David come for Christmas."**

**When they return, everyone is decorating Gordon's office, including the hapless registrar Gordon punished by making him help. Gordon first greets Susan with a hug, and she smiles as he kisses Louisa and briefly rests his hand on her tummy.**

**Evelyn is sticking paper stars to the front of the large wooden desk which came from his parents' insurance agency. It was made by his great-grandfather, the Scottish carpenter who followed his bride to Warwick in the early days of the 20th Century. The round wooden table where Gordon likes to have meetings was built by the same Scottsman. **

**His highly-regarded predecessor, Charles Cavanaugh, left the bookcase. Shelves are filled with neatly arranged journals, family pictures and photos Gordon took on runs around his old London neighbourhood. Louisa had them framed as an engagement present, and he receives many compliments about them. Perhaps there is a slight artistic bent to his scientific brain.**

**Picking up the wood-framed photograph from Gordon's desk, Susan recalls this scene in the church courtyard. Gordon has one arm around Louisa's ****shoulder and is holding Philip's hand. Louisa's hand rests on the shoulders of both Evelyn and Charlotte who stand in front of her in their creamy bridesmaids dresses. Her other arm is around Gordon's waist. Louisa and Gordon look lovingly at each other.**

**The End**

**Now dear readers, like Louisa, you have a choice to make: Does Louisa marry Martin or does she marry Gordon? Again, like Louisa, only you know the best choice for yourself.**

**Thank you to the steadfast readers and reviewers whose helpful comments made this story much more interesting to write.**

**Best wishes for Christmas and the holidays. Betsy**

**"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." ' ****From "The Road Not Taken," by Robert Frost**


End file.
